Feeling Isolated - Looking for fellow bi/lesbian Mums!

[MinxieKitten]

Hi everyone. I'm rubbish at message boards so I apologise in advance if I disappear off the face of the Earth for what might seem like months on end.

I'm a single, lesbian mum, living in the Fareham/Portsmouth area of Hampshire, and I'm too terrified of rejection to join any Mum-and-Baby groups. I had an awkward experience with trying Bumps2Babes - everyone there was either happily-married, or about-to-get-married, or similar, and not only was I the only single woman there, I was the only lesbian. I was too scared to tell them that I was.

Of the friends I have locally, all work full-time, and only 1 actively likes children (or at least, likes my son). The others I can only see without him which, as I'm sure you can all imagine, is nigh-on impossible.

I'd love to meet any other lesbian mums, preferably in the area for possible tea/coffee/playdates, but just in general. I can see by the amount of threads here I'm not alone, but goodness it feels like I am, sometimes!

Thanks all for taking the time to read this!

[HelpWhatToDo]

I'm oop north, so a bit far away.

Don't be scared of rejection. I'm like this and it has really impared my life socially and with regards to relationships. I guess you're abit younger than me and if I could go back and give my younger self some advice, I would say just do it.

You sound lovely by the way.

[vanillaskinnylatte]

Your sexuality has no bearing on you being a mum. Im not a lesbian or bisexual, but I would say that you should really just be mixing with other mums. You are a mum first, lesbian second!

Im a single mum and I have found it quite awkward at times because you do just feel like immediately people look down their nose at you. But not everyone is like that and to meet new people and feel better, you just need to get out there! You will definitely end up meeting some great people, so be brave and dont worry about the ones that do act a bit funny towards you. It will also do your little one the world of good to have chance to play with other babies too. xx

[MinxieKitten]

Thank you for all the kind replies everyone! _

HelpWhatToDo - Thank you! :) I've been trying to defeat my agoraphobia and fear of rejection, though it's really hard (as I'm sure you understand!). I was bullied a lot as a child, and I think it's stuck with me. I've been looking into Mum and baby groups nearby (I don't drive, ugh) but nothing's jumped out at me yet.

vanillaskinnylatte - I agree that it can be awkward being a single Mum. I felt very uncomfortable in the Bumps2Babes group I tried because of it. I also felt they were quite clique-ish - I'd find out about outings they'd all planned together, after they'd all gone and had fun, and I was like, "Oh. I see. Cool."
Luckily, DS has two half-days a week at nursery, so he's definitely getting other-children-interaction (I was scared my insecurities and paranoias would prevent him from getting to mingle with other children, so I booked him in). I've been hunting for new groups to try joining, but the only one I've found locally starts at 09:30, and DS sleeps incredibly badly (2 hours at a time if I'm really lucky) so I'm always still groggy then ^^;

[2mummies0712]

Hey, just wondered if you have joined any groups yet? I am the same too worried to join groups.
i am a married lesbian we have a little boy who is 8 months now.. but i feel so alone as have no friends with babies.

let me know if u fancy having a chat or going for coffee...

aimi :-).

[ApprenticeSeamstress]

Hay guys, I'm also a gay mum In Pompy. My partner and I are not married, we're both young but my baby is no baby any more. If you do ever meet up, we'd love to join in

Also, don't be afraid of joining groups, I was really young paranoid and vulnerable when I had my PFB, and it took me a long while to realize that most people have something they think that every one looks down on, and that not every one looks down on these things, even if they do them differently.

Also, this is when I learnt to come out when asked about what men I'm into, what my boyfriends like or something - purely for the look on their faces when they relize how unPC they've been or struggle to find words, it helps me seeing them how uncomfortable or comfortable with it they are and means I don't have to 'Come out' in any dramatic way or hide it either. Works for me anyways :D

[kandle]

I can really appreciate what you are saying. We are mum's to a beautiful 17 month old daughter. We went to the NCT anti natal groups and several local groups since. I am lucky that my daughter's bio mum and I are married but when we went to groups without the other it always felt a gamble coming out.

I must say however, that we have had a very positive response from pretty much everyone. Most people we have told have known of other LGB parents somewhere in their lives.

The worst time is always where you least expect it ie, maternity unit, mothercare, Eden project where everyone assumes I am my daughter's gran, not because I look old (my partner says not anyway) but because they do not consider that we may be a lesbian couple. Funny I guess but still really annoys me!!

[KarateChopper]

Hi, feel free to pop over to lesbiangayparents.ning.com for chatter on the forums etc - we also arrange meet ups in various places. It's free. :)
Claire