lesbian parents

[weeminto]

Hi my partner and i (we are lesbians) are planning to start a family in next few years. We are looking for any advice on falling pregnant and clinics etc in edinburgh or glasgow. Any help would be greatly appreciated and would be good to hear from other couples.

[Tiredandgrumpy2]

Hiya. I didn't want your message to go unanswered. My friends have just had a baby like this but they live near Brighton. I know they used a clinic and donated sperm but that's about all the information I have. Sorry.
They had a boy by the way.

[Hizzle]

My partner an I used Manchester Fertility Service. A bit of a trek but couldn't fault the care and treatment received. The staff included me as the non biological mum in the process and generally the process was quick and explained well. We now have a very gorgeous 11 month old boy IUI usually means boys because of timings!!

[rhetorician]

hizzle is that actually true? anecdotal evidence from lesbian couples I know who have gone this route seems to produce even numbers, more or less (small sample), we used home AI and have 2 girls...

[Hizzle]

Statistically it's around 52% boys (based on results I have seen) the information I have read is that the boy sperm swims faster and gets to the egg quicker, and the girl sperm is slower but lasts longer. Now obviously this could be sexism/ bad science/ simply untrue, but in the circles of lesbians I know using IUI the % of boys is really high. This could be coincidental and again nature has a way of balancing things out so maybe there are pockets where there are more boys, and pockets of more girls!? However, due to the exact timings required for IUI and that the sperm used doesn't live as long once insemination takes place it certainly seems possible that IUI would produce more of one sex. But as research in this area probably wouldn't focus on this who knows for sure!?

[terri1884]

Hi weeminto :) me and my wife have 2 gorgeous boys! We found a private sperm donor on the Internet and did artificial insemination at home! Search private sperm donors! Good luck! Xxx

[rhetorician]

I don't think there are any official stats/research - I had always thought that to be the case too (for the reasons you describe), but not borne out by experience. Interesting though (kind of ironic too!)

[Hizzle]

I love the thought that lots of boys will be brought up by lesbians - who knows they might even have crazy ideas around equality and not have set gender roles my nephew has already commented that our son is lucky "cos he has 2 mummies and no daddy..."!

[wrighty2010]

Hi Hizzle,I found out when I was also looking that if using a clinic you are encouraged to use fertility drugs which if you dont have fertility problems you dont need but also puts the cost up! so I also found a donor online through a website, Pride Angel, they are a connection site for donors and recepients. They have quite a good old blog on there blog page(you will have to search through) which give hints and tips on artificial insemination. I also bought ai kits from them and the instructions in these are also very good. May be worth a look, it took me a while to find someone but hey its worth waiting for! (The link to the site if it helps is www.prideangel.com) Hope this helps, wish you all the luck in the world on your amazing journey, keep us updated! xxx

[lesbomums]

Hi all,

First post!

My wife and I are also preparing to start a family end of the year. We have thoughts about a number of ways - firstly we went to our local clinic (agora in Hove) but the costs were so high, we looked at egg sharing but still the costs were high about 3k.

We considered co-parenting with a gay male couple we knew, but after long discussions the chaps decided they didn't want to have baby.

We have decided that we shall use a private donor - we have our eye on a chap from pride angel, who i'm planning to email soonish to begin talking about contact, health etc to find out if hes suitable.

I have done so much research over the last few years so if you want any advice i'll have a go at helping :)

[queenofthefairies]

We found our donor on FSDW... We were originally looking at using a clinic but upon advice of some of the ladies who have also posted on here... We looked into AI at home with a donor we found on the Internet. Admittedly we had abit of a false start with our 1st donor... Decent guy just very full on and bit domineering... But our current donor is great and very easy going. I would recommend it!! But get hold out for the right donor and do your homework as there are lots of things and products that can help success!

[hermioneweasley]

Lesbomums, that cost sounds really high. Is that for IVF or IUI? Our IUI was a few hundred pounds.

[ScariestFairyByFar]

In Scotland your eligible for nhs treatment speak to your GP to be referred.

[zowie2]

Hi me and my partner had a little girl 10weeks ago we paid private for ten yrs then decided to find a private donor on line.There is a few family sites for private donors out there GoodLuck :-)

[mumblecrumble]

Hi there, best of luck OP and others hoping to have babies. We celebrated our daughters 5th birthday today and every person deserves tha happisness we have had in her.

No adivce sorry, we don;t live up there and are in a mixed sex couple but I couldn;t read without wishing you luck! It will be a lucky baby

[scurrieuk]

Hey, my ex partner and I conceived through the fertility clinic here in Aberdeen. We got it part funded by the NHS, but we didn't want to wait for a local donor, aprox 1-1/2 years, so we opted to pay to have sperm shipped up by the clinic from another area, we had to pay for that, £1500. I was in a civil partnership at the time and my partner was allowed to be named on the birth certificate as the legal other parent. Things with my partner went belly up, but I now have a beautiful little 1 year old boy and a new (much better)partner The whole experience was straght forward and I had no complaints to make with the fertility clinic. Good luck to you both!!

[Rhi87]

Hey ladies,

My girlfriend and I have been talking about starting a family in the future and we would like to talk to people that have been through the whole process and can share and advice. It would be nice to hear personal experiences rather than just reading about the processes online!

I know this is an old post but just hoping someone still sees it!

Thank you

[Yasi2013]

Hi,

Happy to answer any questions you have. We've experienced the lows and highs of fertility treatment (IUI).

[Marrowbone76]

Hi Weeminto

My and my partner have been through the Newcastle Fertility Centre and are now, after our first treatment having a baby in July. We waited for 1.5 years for a donor. We paid £450 for the first consultation which also put us on the waiting list and then £900 for the actual donor insemination.
The staff were great and my partner was involved at every step. Good luck my love, hope all goes well xx

[hbmelon]

I'd really appreciate any advice you can offer!!

[mrswishywashy]

My wife and I are due out first IUI at LWC this month.

So far we've paid: £300 for initial consult; £100 for blood tests (we were able to get some on the NHS) and £450 for a HyCoSy to check my tubes were clear. The sperm which we are still in the process of choosing is £850 per shot and the procedure is £750. Its not cheap so hope it works first time. If not we will have a couple of goes at IUI and then look into IVF.

I'm not eligible for NHS funding for treatment as at 35 the PCT we live in say I'm too old:-(

[caroline1176]

Hi everyone,

I don't normally post on forums, but felt I could add a little advice - my partner and I (in a civil partnership) couldn't afford private treatment by a long shot, so we went down the known donor route and used Pride Angel. After a few false starts of meeting potential donors and them not being right (or being unreliable!) we found someone we were happy with and I'm now 14 weeks pregnant :)

Top tips if you use a known donor:

• Have an agreement you're both happy with, in writing, covering your intentions. Try and cover as many details as possible, including what you agree regarding future contact, if any.
• If you're not married, the donor could, in theory, apply for parental responsibility, to be on the birth certificate, and have contact with the child, so bear this in mind. The non-biological mother would need to go through the adoption process I believe (I could have this bit wrong!). Being married means you and your partner are both the legal parents and the child would not have a legal father, as long as it as artificial insemination. There's a lot of good info at www.nataliegambleassociates.com
• Use a nice hotel - neutral territory is a must I think, as is being comfortable and relaxed!
• Get health checks done without fail, and regularly. A good donor will understand this and do it as a matter of course.
• Don't expect things to happen quickly - it took us 18 months to find the right person and actually get pregnant!
• Be prepared for all manner of competing emotions, and take your time to work through them.

Hope this helps :)

[rhetorician]

Congrats Caroline and partner! Good tips, too

[armsinjumpers]

Congratulations to you both. Great tips, my wife and I recently had our second child with our known donor we met through another website.

It's worked fantastically well for us and our children have the most wonderful, loving uncle figure as well as half siblings they are getting to know.

Good luck x

[laulaublackmore]

Hi ladies! Not sure if this thread is still going but myself and partner have been planning for quite some time and after failing to find the funds to go private, we have also decided to use pride angel. We have found someone who seems genuine and has fathered a few children with other lesbian couples, so we are hopeful!

We plan to meet in a central location in a few weeks. What tips does anyone have for how we go about the process? He says we'll meet and get to know each other etc and will be going down the AI route.

How exactly does this work?! Would he give us a "pot" and we go home or will it not last that long and we should do it somewhere near there? Confused lol.

Thanks! :) Laura and Kelly - Berkshire.