6 year old daughter searching for 'ladys having sex with ladys no boys'

(46 Posts)
suzydelarosa Fri 19-Oct-12 13:18:45

My six year old daughter was using my computer this morning and I took it over to discover google searches for 'ladys having sex' 'ladys sex ladys' and 'ladys sex no boys'. Spelling mistakes hers!

Looks like she'd been looking at quite a bit of nudity and some porn. the fact that she's just turned 6 is of course worrying. And the fact that we have no security on our computer is, of course, a wake up call.

I have tried not to yell at her because I don't want to punish her for being curious about sexuality. I just wondered if I should take this as a sign that she may be thinking about girls rather than boys. Is she too young to be having these thoughts. Would welcome any feedback.

Sastra Fri 19-Oct-12 13:25:08

Have you asked her (in an age appropriate way) about it?

Llareggub Fri 19-Oct-12 13:30:32

I have a son the same age. He would have no idea at all that this might be something that he could search for on the Internet, not does he know that sex exists outside some very basic conversations about how babies are made.

I am surprised that your DD does. How might she know to search for this on the Internet?

windsurf74 Fri 19-Oct-12 13:31:58

Is this a genuine post?
shock
What the hell was a 6 yr old doing on your computer unattended in the first place? How would she even know to search for sex?! confused This would ring huge alarm bells for me personally....

maybenow Fri 19-Oct-12 13:34:02

What's her understanding of sex in general?

When I was six i knew what sex was in a basic way and you do it to make a baby - so when i heard of people having same-sex relationships i didn't understand at all (nobody told me that sex had anything to do with feeling nice or showing love - just making babies, i think i thought of it like something you just had to do like having a bath or doing the dishes smile).

Convert Fri 19-Oct-12 13:34:36

I don't think my son (6 in jan) knows what sex is. I dont think this is a lesbian issue. Why does she have any idea about any of this or being able to search for it on the Internet?!

Bongaloo Fri 19-Oct-12 13:34:42

"I just wondered if I should take this as a sign that she may be thinking about girls rather than boys"
This isn't your problem.

You cannot really want us to believe this?

Sastra Fri 19-Oct-12 13:40:44

OP there's nothing to yell about here - she's done nothing wrong at all.

You need to get to the bottom of where this has come from. A just-turned-six year old being exposed to sexual activity is a child protection issue.

Fairylea Fri 19-Oct-12 13:41:40

I don't think it's as unusual as people like to think it is for 6 year olds to know a lot about sex including gay relationships. My9 year old asked me some rather graphic questions based on what she had heard from other children at school !! I took the view from then on that I'd tell her everything rather than her only half understand it.

It's also easy for a child to search the internet while a parent pops out of the room for two mins to do something or even use the toilet. I came back once to find dd searching for "sex" on you tube... !!!

I have installed proper parental controls now and I don't let her on it unless I am right there. Our pc is in the main living room so everyone can see it.

suzydelarosa Fri 19-Oct-12 13:52:44

Hi - this is a real post. I let her borrow my computer to watch Scooby Doo as she was in bed feeling poorly. She only recently learned about Google and I usually am always by the computer to assist but I had no reason to think she would want to look at this.

She has watched some adult sitcoms with me where the term 'sex' is mentioned and she generally knows about how babies have made as I had a few pregnancies and miscarriages and had to explain to her about it in an appropriate manner for a 6 year old.

I guess I was also surprised that she was looking for 'ladies having sex with ladies' as I've only ever said that 'girls can marry girls or boys' and that's about the extent of it.

Anyway it's all a bit strange but I just wondered if anyone else had had similar experiences. I will have a chat with her about it when things simmer down.

EmpressOfTheSevenScreams Fri 19-Oct-12 13:55:16

I don't think I'd put it down to any sexual preferences at this age. I do think you need decent parental controls on your computer, fast.

Iggly Fri 19-Oct-12 13:56:37

How do you know it was her?

suzydelarosa Fri 19-Oct-12 14:00:13

hi - it was just me and her in the house. Unless it was a ghost!

ohnowwhat Fri 19-Oct-12 14:00:22

I wonder if she has overheard some other children talking about this at school?
I would casually bring it up/ask her if anyone has been talking about things like that and then tell casually that some ladies do fall in love with other ladies and sometimes men fall in love with other men. Then I would tell her that some pictures on the computer arn't very nice for children to see because they can make something nice look horrible.
(I had my dd ask why there were lots of pictures of ladies with big boobies on the front of the 'comics' in asda. I told her that some ladies like to be a show off and show off their bodies and that some men think it is rudey dudey and can't help looking! )
I think depending on your child and the environment they are in depends on the type of answers you can give.
I wouldn't tell her off but I would put parental controls on and maybe do as Fairy does 'only let her on when you are near/there'

ohnowwhat Fri 19-Oct-12 14:01:25

I think you must have posted while I was writing sorry! Mine seems a bit redundant/ useless now!grin

BumgrapesofWrath Fri 19-Oct-12 14:04:56

The first thing that came to my mind (but don't want to alarm you) is I wondered if anything inappropriate could have happened with her...

windsurf74 Fri 19-Oct-12 22:41:01

Agree with Sastra sorry. I'd be very concerned this was a child protection issue...certainly if a 6 yr old at school told me this it would raise huge red flags. Why is your 6yr old daughter even watching adult sitcoms? She's SIX.

defineme Fri 19-Oct-12 22:52:54

I would just wonder where the interest came from?
My twins knew about sex at 6, but not internet searches!

I have been the same as you in presenting gay/straight in the same way-then school mates questioned that and so my 2 asked me about it-maybe friends are talking? I did say to them not to discuss it with friends unless friends bring it up because parents choose to tell kids at different ages.

I would set controls on computer and ask a few searching questions just to make sure no one had been had been inappropriate with them.

VladIIIDracula Fri 19-Oct-12 23:04:56

Agree this seems very erm... precocious for a just turned 6 year old.

Mine doesn't know much about sex at all about from the baby making mechanics bit of it, and quiet frankly looked horrified when I told her grin

I can't imagine she'd want to look at it online, even if it occurred to her it was possible hmm

My friend found out her 8 year old had googled "willys that men have" though shock Luckily her google settings were set to filter out inappropriate stuff so she didn't see owt dodgy.

But I agree the issue isn't your daughters sexuality....

chipmonkey Fri 19-Oct-12 23:24:35

Ds3 is seven and I honestly don't think it would occur to him to look up anything sex related! I would be bothered if he did but not bothered about the genders of the people concerned, just concerned that he knew what to look for!

I do remember discussing same-sex relationships with my friend when we were preteens but in a curious way more than anything else and we both married men in the end. But I agree with others that her sexual orientation is the least of your worries here.

tigerdriverII Fri 19-Oct-12 23:34:52

I don't want to worry you but you really do need to think about where this could have come from. Is it really from the adult sitcoms you let her watch with you (which really aren't appropriate for her anyway but that's another issue). If not, then someone is at best talking to her about things they really shouldn't talk to her about, and that is the best spin there might be. I would be thinking about everyone who has significant time with her, and after I'd discounted all of them, I'd go through the list again. Sorry to be so pessimistic but this would be a real concern to me with a 6 yo.

perceptionreality Fri 19-Oct-12 23:49:54

It's most likely that she has heard something at school or on tv that has made her curious.

I have just put a porn block on my laptop because I have an 8 year old who is now googling everything under the sun!

You may want to make sure there is nothing sinister behind it but I do think it's very normal for children to be curious about sex, especially when they only hear half a story.

usualsuspect3 Fri 19-Oct-12 23:53:13

A 6 year old? really?

HappyHalloweenMotherFucker Fri 19-Oct-12 23:53:43

if this post were real, and this were my daughter I would be having the serious collywobbles about how she connected lesbian sex and internet searching at 6yo

or is it a stealth boast about how "bright" she is ? hmm

usualsuspect3 Fri 19-Oct-12 23:55:05

Me too halloween, I would be seriously concerned TBH.

perceptionreality Fri 19-Oct-12 23:56:03

Kids google everything they don't know the answers to - my dd does it. I saw her actually type in 'One Direction having sex' hmm which prompted me to up the security settings!! The girls in her class talk continuously about One Direction. I am sure it came from there.

AuntieShirley Sat 20-Oct-12 00:16:01

I would really worry about how/why she was even thinking to google that. My dd knows the mechanics of sex, and that women marry women, but wouldn't occur to her to actually search for it. And Iwould be very worried about where she got the idea from if she did.
As an aside, my dc are not allowed on the laptop without me, but, how would one install some kind of anti porn type thingy on the laptop <dunce> blush I have no idea, and ought to get it sorted.

Fairylea Sat 20-Oct-12 08:30:14

I really think it will be something she's picked up from school. Honestly kids of that age know a lot about sex!! My bil is a head teacher and you wouldn't believe some of the stuff he's heard 4, 5 and 6 year olds come out with.

Do you have any reasons to believe anything else sinister is going on?

I'd talk to her about it. I would bet money someone's been talking about lesbians having sex at school and she's genuinely curious about how it works / what they meant so thought she would have a look.

"Ladies" is a very childlike word to use. If it was a man / woman searching for lebsian porn or someone putting that into her head I doubt it would be with those words.

Fairylea Sat 20-Oct-12 08:34:26

Just to illustrate... my bil heard two 4 year olds talking about where babies come out of and one said to the other "no it's not your bum, it's from the front hole. The one where the seeds get in"... the other 4 year old looked shocked apparently and said "what seeds?" And the other said "the ones from the daddy's penis".

Bil told this to my dh ....! He was surprised.

I'm genuinely surprised how little people seem to think 6 year olds know !!!

colditz Sat 20-Oct-12 08:39:38

I'd put it down to her thinking seriously about her future, and imagining having to live with a six year old boy. Ergh, yuck. Decides shed much rather live with another girl, because they don't smell of farting or get too noisy. Decided to check if she can still have babies.

colditz Sat 20-Oct-12 08:41:09

This wouldn't concern me, the whole NO BOYS things tells me these thoughts have come directly from a six year olds head. Honestly, I bet she was just trying to figure out a way of having babies without boys.

NotMostPeople Sat 20-Oct-12 08:43:55

When my dcs were that age they knew how babies were made, they knew our friends were a couple and both men and they knew how to google. It doesn't take too much to join the dots.

I'd say it's curiosity.

Phineyj Sat 20-Oct-12 08:45:06

I am surprised by some of you being surprised that a six year old could have heard of/have curiosity about this. Yes, lots exist in a bubble but our society is totally saturated by sex - TV, music, billboards, magazines...a bright kid is going to notice some of that. I certainly wouldn't jump straight to 'it's a child protection issue'.

Chandon Sat 20-Oct-12 08:54:42

when my DS was 6, he "snogged" a girl, and he once asked me if humping was the same as f%cking, and saying other boys were pushing girls up the wall and "hump" them.

this was mega alarming at the time, talked to teacher and head teacher, who said it takes only 1 child in the class to have an older sib who tells them about these things, and then they all want to know. THe thrill of the "naughtiness of it" etc.

She also said children at this age have a kind of "sexual awakening", which then disappears again. She said it was normal, but that it was important to explain about "appropriate behaviour", and it all fizzled out after a few days, when they were all into Pokemon again.

I know 6 and 7 year olds who googled "big boobies" and worse.

parental controls and a chat, and no panic.

ShipwreckedAndComatose Sat 20-Oct-12 09:11:47

hmm

ShipwreckedAndComatose Sat 20-Oct-12 09:12:23

Sorry!, that was hmm...no link!!

Chandon Sat 20-Oct-12 13:33:32

Ship, which bit of my post is hmm?

I was hmm at the time, it was all a bit shocking at the time, but it din't last, and like I said, they were all into Pokemon again a few days after

I remember trying to order a 'good sex guide' book from a newspaper glossy insert at about the same age. I'd experienced no abuse, was just curious about the whole thing. I was absolutely mortified when my mum found the order form though! grin
I also had my first crush on a girl in year one, I even asked the head teacher if it was ok to kiss girls during kiss chase as I didn't want to kiss boys smile
If you have no other causes for concern, then it might well just be a big dose of curiosity and too much access to the Internet smile

ShipwreckedAndComatose Sat 20-Oct-12 16:06:35

No clandon, the op strikes me as iffy, not you!!

perceptionreality Sat 20-Oct-12 17:35:30

AuntyShirley, there is a free programme called K9 that you can download - that seems to work well.

KristinaM Wed 06-Feb-13 20:36:36

I have a very bright computer literate 6yo . We have a close family member who is just about to have a civil partnership so he is well aware that " ladies can marry ladies".I would be extremely worried to find out that he had googled this, on child protection grounds

johnsnow Sat 16-Feb-13 07:05:17

Their has been a ton of coverage lately in the news about "same sex marriage" mostly perpetuated and dragged out in the media due the churches opposition.

So its perfectly possible your kid has heard this on the tv, radio etc. And doesnt know what it means and done a search based on 'her own interpretation' of that phrase - hence her search.

Its most likely completely innocent I doubt she knows what sex is in the sense of some of the panicy comments in this thread. The most worrying thing is you "tried" not to shout. Maybee investigate with her and find out why she was searching before making a leep of judgement and responding wirh agression?

MultipleMama Sat 27-Apr-13 22:53:03

My 4 year old ds is a curious boy and while he's never been on a computer or around sex, he goes to a school that have same sex parents and I can remembering him asking once, "how do 2 daddies make babies?" We explained the best we could as he loves asking why.

Maybe she overheard something at school could be older children even older boys talking and she git curious. It is quite concerning that she knew what to search for.

As for parental controls, you wouldn't think to put them in place for a 6 year old who uses it in your presence or watching Scooby. Maybe it's time to put them on!

No advice on what to do but maybe do an activity with her and casually why she was searching but make sure she knows that you're not mad only worried.

Startail Sat 27-Apr-13 23:16:28

Very good Google skills, DDs would have been 8ish before they phrased them that well.

Why did she ask, who knows, all the fuss in the media encouraging playground gossip, I'd guess.

I remember watching the news about the Yorkshire ripper and asking, asking in front of my GPs, "What's a prostitute, Daddy"

I'm sure today Id have just Googled.

Dad did tell me in the car going home, he always answered questions, questions. I was far younger than six when I new the facts of life and way way older before I knew about homosexuality, because it wasn't all over the news before Aids

DalePie Mon 26-Aug-13 21:30:11

Lmao!

She is too young to know yet! No child that young will know what they are!

They might feel "different" in comparison with their friends but they won't understand why this might be at all!

Forget about it, tell her off for looking at porn and block it on the computer.

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