Gay friend sleeping over in same bed..?

[nothinglikeit]

DS is 12 and his best friend is 14. The friend recently came out as gay. They're very close friends, text each other a lot and spend a lot of time together. DS had a bit of a rough time this weekend (personal) and so asked if this friend could stay over. We said yes, he's stayed over before, no problem, only this time after he stayed over, the guest bed (matress on the floor) wasn't down and there was no sign that it had been, no extra bedding out or anything, so they must have stayed in the same bed.

Is this something I should be concerned about? I don't imagine my 12yo would be doing anything too 'grown up' but if there's a chance they're more than friends then I'm wondering if I need to start enforcing a 'doors open' rule or something?

He's my eldest child so have no previous experience in this sort of thing! just to clarify, I have no issue if he is gay, I just want him to be safe and happy but I'm pretty sure he knows that.

Any advice?

[reddaisy]

Gosh that is tricky, could you talk to your DS casually about it? Find out what the sleeping arrangements were and take it from there? If there is a chance they are more than friends then you might have to rethink your rules to something that hopefully you are all comfortable with considering their ages etc.

[HerrenaHarridan]

Try not to get too hung up on what's PC in the situation and just do some chatting.

Tell your son you noticed the guest bed wasn't out last time x stayed over and ask if he slept in his bed.

If he says yes ask him how he felt about that. Listen. Keep listening. Don't butt in.

If he says no and you think he's lying then act as though your taking him at face value and say that's probably for the best as puberty is a time to start thinking very carefully about who you share a bed with.
Drop the subject but keep the discussion about his friend going, ask how his home problems are going etc. Listen, listen and listen. If he's got something to share it's more likely to come up in context but out of direct questioning.

If he says no and you believe him follow step 2.

[spad]

What Harridan said!

[Jinglebells99]

Same sex or not, your son is only 12, surely you should have helped him put out the guest bed and not just left them to it?they are under the age of consent, and there can be a huge gap in maturity between 12 and 14. I think your ds could be vulnerable whether he is gay or not, and it's your job to protect him.

[nothinglikeit]

Harridan that's great advice, thanks, I like that idea of casual conversation about the bed and sleeping arrangements, I'll give that a shot.

Jinglebells, DS is mature for his age and is also at the stage where he wants to be treated more like a grown up, and so we agreed that if he wants to have his friends over then he will make a bed for them, or his friend(s) will help make the beds, he's been perfectly happy doing that for the past 18 months, and will ask for help if he needs it. He's a very good lad.
Also, if I ever thought a friend would 'take advantage' then the situation would be different, of course, but this is a lad we've known for quite a few years now and they've been best buds. I trust in that, and also trust that my DS would tell me if something didn't seem right.

[HerrenaHarridan]

The thing with kids at this age is the 12yo could easily be emotionally and physically years ahead of his older friend. So age is a re herring.

Your son making up the guest bed himself is the least notable part of your op. If anything must be said about that it's well done for bringing up a lad who doesn't expect his mum females in general to do everything for him.

It's good that you have that trust in your son, if you're coming at the conversation from Tay perspective hopefully it will be beneficial