DS just started in year 7 and is already the subject of homophobic abuse.

[Spidermama]

On the taster day last term he was called 'gay' and teased and it meant he was a bit quiet and reticent all summer holiday.

Now some ignorant tosser is shoulder barging him and calling him gay and poking him in the back etc.

He's 11 and doesn't know whether or not he's gay but we've thought for a while that he probably is/will be.

He has an older brother and and older sister at the school and they tell me they'll have a word with this boy tomorrow.

Any tips or advice would be gratefully received meanwhile.

[Littlefish]

Speak to the head of year. It is absolutely unacceptable. Don't involve his brother and sister - go straight to the school and make it clear that you expect them to deal with it immediately.

[Spidermama]

The problem is, Littlefish, he's opening up to his brother and sister more than he's talking to me. In fact he hasn't told me about it. I only know because his brother and sister have told me.

I think he'd be embarrassed and try to stop me going in. Isn't it better to let my older two have a chat. They're very sensible. I reckon they'll handle it well.

Wouldn't having a parent go in risk making things worse?

[LynetteScavo]

I would my speaking to the HofY asap, and telling my DS to give the person who shoulder barges him a damn hard punch.

(And I am the parents who teaches my DC to walk away -see previous posts)

A couple of good hard punches at the beginning of Y7 could save years of misery, IMO.

[Dededum]

Speak to head of year, they need to stamp this out NOW.

[smugmumofboys]

Speak to HoY. That needs nipping in the bud now. It would absolutely not be tolerated at the school I work in.

It's sadly not an uncommon scenario.

[Unexpected]

I disagree that a couple of good hard punches will sort anything out! I also don't think your ds and dd should get involved. You could email his HoY and ask him to intervene without making your ds aware that you have spoken to him/her. After all, if this horrid lout is physically bullying your ds, someone else could easily notice and have reported it.

[Littlefish]

My experience is with primary age children, so please feel to ignore it. This kind of homophobic behaviour needs to be dealt with swiftly and clearly and through official routes, so it is recorded. You said that your ds is already a little reticent about his new school because of this child's behaviour. If your son or daughter get involved, you have no record of the incident and no chance to follow it up officially.

[Chottie]

If you are going to advise your son to give the other boy a punch, I would tell him to check the teacher isn't looking first. Your son doesn't want to be seen as the aggressive one.......

I would also speak to his teacher immediately, this is bullying and all schools should have and follow a bullying and harassment policy.

[Littlefish]

Please don't advise your ds to punch anyone. That is really poor advice from other posters.

[Spidermama]

What about DS? What should he do? It doesn't look strong or credible to have your mum sort your problems out for you.

[poppingin1]

There was a boy in my school who was bullied relentlessly for being gay even though he had never said so himself.

It started much in the same way as your son seems to be experiencing and soon the whole school had decided for him that he was gay.

He was quite effeminate but that was it.

Years later I found out from another school friend that after he had left school, he had struggled with his sexuality even though he hadn't been gay at all. He had started to wonder if the fact that everyone bullied him for being gay was because he was, but hadn't realised it himself. It really messed with his head, self esteem and identity.

Whether your son is gay or not, lets hope a word with the bully will stop him in his tracks. If not, find another way to nip it in the bud before it potentially gets worse.

[smugmumofboys]

DS1 has just started at the school where I work. During one of his taster days in the summer another boy had a pop at him - calling him names etc. I spoke to the HoY and the boy's mum was phoned. DS has had no problems with the boy since.

We have several boys who are effeminate, some more openly gay than others and some girls who are quite boyish and I can honestly say they get very little grief because homophobia isn't tolerated.

[Spidermama]

When I was a young teenager I saw a boy dressed like Boy George being beaten up on a bus. I really didn't think that nearly four decades later this would still be a problem.

Gay people can marry now and are supposed to have full equality in law but I fear the battle for hearts and minds is still a long way from being over and it breaks my heart. I'm so sad, particularly, for those young kids who don't have the support of their parents AND are being bullied at school for being gay. I can't imagine what they go through.

[Iwaswatchingthat]

This made me so sad. Your poor boy. Speak to HoY so it can be stamped now. Make it clear you don't want them to know you have been involved but just to make it clear to these boys it will not be tolerated.

[Spidermama]

I only found out late into the holidays about the taster day experience. It's an enormous school. He didn't know the name of the teasers on the taster day so I didn't report it.

OK I will have a chat with the HOY tomorrow. I'll have to do it without telling him though as if I tell him he'll try to stop me.

[StupidFlanders]

Ring up the school if you don't want to go in. The head of year could talk to the bully as thoughit had been reported by a number of witnesses and let the bully know that behaviour which would be deemed criminal outside of school will not be tolerated.

[meditrina]

For heaven's sake, don't get him to fight this physically. Unless of course you're sure he has enough fighting experience to take on an unknown opponent and win. For if he loses, his situation will be much more miserable than just about any other possible outcome.

Is this definitely homophobic? The word 'gay' is in such widespread use amongst teens that it simply doesn't have the same resonances to a year 7 audience (it just means "lame").

This is why you need the school to tackle it. Talk to HOY, form teacher or someone with pastoral responsibility. Point out the problem with both the word and the early signs of bullying. Find out what they intend to do to prevent both repetition and escalation.

[poppingin1]

I agree that physical conflict will not help but will rather escalate he situation.

Very angry for your son OP. Homophobia is abhorrent and it saddens me to think that a very young man in the UK would bully someone else over their sexuality.

[ICameOnTheJitney]

Don't call them "teasers" call them what they are..."Homophobic bullies" and you know...this is not allowed by law and they can get in BIG trouble for it. Speak to the Head asap and don't tell your son. It needs to be stamped out NOW and hard.

[Spidermama]

Thanks MrsDevere. Sorry to hear your five year old son gets a bit of this. I
t's pretty pernicious. My DS liked 'girls' stuff at that age too but didn't really get teased for it so young. If anything a couple of parents and one particular pre school teacher were a bit uncomfortable with me letting him wear pinks stuff and play with pushchairs and dolls etc.

I don't understand what bothers people I really don't.

[FuckyNell]

Hi spider did you speak to the school?