My 15yo ds has grown up a lot in the last six months especially since J has been on the scene. J is a lovely lad. They met at a party at xmas and have been inseparable since. J stays over a lot but his friends always have. There are spare mattresses in both my dc's rooms for the purpose. J is different though. I suspect they sleep in the same bed as the mattress is back under the bed as soon as they're out of the room, which is most unlike ds. He is very much a lad who thinks fairies clear up behind him.
I found out a couple of months ago that J is not just in a different class but the year above. Ds let slip that he couldn't hang out with J has he had revision to do. Dd confirmed that he is older, but no more.
I try not to be a prying mum and would be happy if he is gay, but it upsets me that there might be something important about I don't know and can't help him with. Cannot ask the dd as they are very loyal and she is very protective of him, which is great, but I know she'll tell me nothng and then immediately tell him that I asked. A row is obviously the wrong place to start.
I would try to be more patient but for this morning. Last night they were up talking late. Dh had to ask them to keep it down and said they were sitting on the bed in t-shirts and pants. Ds seemed a bit wide eyed and intense.
This morning they got up unusually early and went out. Ds was quiet but gave me a kiss as he left saying they were going into town for lunch. It was all a bit weird. I couldn't help myself and went into his room. There were signs of sex but that is not unusual. Stains and soggy tissues are the norm. What bothered me was that one of the stains had a poo coloured tinge.
I am fairly certain, knowing ds and how he is with J, that if it is what I thnk then the brown stuff came out of my ds's bottom and not J's. In one way that helps. Afterall, I have handled enough of his poo not to be grossed out by it. But in another it is not. Don't get me wrong, the act is not the issue, but I cannot help feeling he is too young. Being penetrated for the first time is a big deal. It was for me. If he cannot tell me he is gay, how can he be ready for that?
I told dh about my suspicions but not the stais. He just laughed and said it was a bromance at most. His ds definitely was not gay. I'm not so sure.
I wish I could talk to him about it. But I know he is proud and likes to give the appearance of being in control. I worry that he might be struggling with reconciling being gay with being the laddish sporty popular lad that he is. I worry that he's gone further than he is ready for.
Or I may have got it all wrong. They might just be friends. His friends are all very touchy feely. They hug each other all the time. But this feels different. And I don't think bromances involve anal sex.
What should I do? Talk to him! Mind my own business? Ask dd ? Help!
I think this a case of `shutting the stable door after the horse has bolted`...But, hes ur son and of course u want to know he is mentally and physicly ok. Id go about finding out a different way. Without mentioning the Gay word, id treat it more like they `are` in a relationship and less like friends. Ask his `friend` to come out for lunch with u all, or just out as a family. Be relaxed, but dont broach the subject at all, act as if its gone past mentioning. Be a friend to his friend too, and make sure to leave condoms lying around in a place he can `find` them. You could get in touch with the LGBT group, close to ur town, (in the phone book/online) and ask them to send you some literature about staying safe, safe gay sex, male health check-ups etc. Perhaps u could ask ur son if he has any gay friends he could `pass them on to as it would be a shame to throw them away, (after u came accross them at the doctors etc) Good Luck x