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In debt again?!

(17 Posts)
ohdear1234 Mon 23-May-16 16:40:24

So I thought we were financially stable and even planning a family holiday away! Turns out my partner hasn't been paying the gas or electric and he owes a large amount. He has been in debt before and hid it. He promised he would talk to me financially as he works and earns a good wage he pays most of the bills and I am a sahm and care for our little one (has asd). Because I don't work I feel like this could be my fault and I should be working to support our family.sad
I'm quite worried to confront him tonight as I'm scared he may not have payed other bills.

Any advice?sad

CodyKing Mon 23-May-16 16:50:29

You need to look at the figures and have a joint account with Direct debits - plus extra for say car tax - kids shoes where you put an agreed small amount to built up when needed

He needs to have a grown up conversation with you!

Can you do Avon or similar? May help you feel like your contributing

cozietoesie Mon 23-May-16 16:52:41

You absolutely have to talk to him, as a start, to find out what the situation is. Or do you think he will cover up?

Do you have any idea what money might have been spent on?

ohdear1234 Mon 23-May-16 18:16:16

Ive spoken to him, and he's already been waiting for someone to phone him back. But admitted he should have chased it and should have told me but didn't want to worry me. He's been keeping money aside luckily to pay most of what he owes. He's phoned tonight and he'll be paying tomorrow and setting up a direct debit.

I have savings for kid shoes etc but unfortunately can't do Avon as I have very little spare time atm. But it could be an option once she's in school thank you for your replies smile

cozietoesie Mon 23-May-16 19:09:01

I'm sorry, Ohdear, but that wouldn't make sense to me. Why should someone 'keep money aside' rather than just pay the bills? He might, for example, have only just taken out some sort of loan to pay off debts?

Did you discuss what the money is going? And do you have access to all the family accounts?

I'm sorry to be asking these things. It won't be easy for you to stay calm in this situation.

cozietoesie Mon 23-May-16 19:10:00

where the money is going....

ohdear1234 Mon 23-May-16 19:45:25

He kept money aside because he was waiting for a call back. He is a bit dopey at times. hmm
It seems odd I know but he is acting totally different than the last time and trust me il be asking to see his account tomorrow to make sure it's paid.

cozietoesie Mon 23-May-16 20:31:16

It sounds as if you'd be happier being in charge of the family finances? smile

ohdear1234 Mon 23-May-16 21:01:32

I would I think I do like to know what's going on financial but I'm not his mum and as this is a partnership I like to think we work together and this was just a mistake on his behalf as we're still young tbh

cozietoesie Mon 23-May-16 21:05:37

It's not just you that you have to look out for though - you have your child to protect. I'd be minded to take over the money side of things. He's already got form for bad financial management after all.

RunRabbitRunRabbit Mon 23-May-16 21:05:57

In a partnership it is normal to be open about finances. How can you budget if you don't see the bank account? He's obviously got a few problems with money management. It might help to have you manage some aspects of budgeting and cash flow.

LIZS Mon 23-May-16 21:11:35

Have you checked he has paid the other essentials - rent, council tax, secured loans? If he can't pay outright speak to Stepchange for assistance in managing and negotiating repayment plans. Do you get any benefits like DLA and child benefit.

ohdear1234 Mon 23-May-16 21:15:33

I understand I have a child to look out for and I do look out for her I do have savings and she also has savings.hmm please do not think that I would put my child's welfare at risk.

I will think about the joint account though and discuss it thank you for your advice.

ohdear1234 Mon 23-May-16 21:15:43

I understand I have a child to look out for and I do look out for her I do have savings and she also has savings.hmm please do not think that I would put my child's welfare at risk.

I will think about the joint account though and discuss it thank you for your advice.

cozietoesie Mon 23-May-16 21:16:20

That's why I would want to see all the family accounts. I heard what the OP said, but I wouldn't believe the situation until I had it all laid out in front of me.

cozietoesie Mon 23-May-16 21:17:42

X post. Speak to him about it and see what his reaction is. It seems that you might be the better person to manage things.

ohdear1234 Mon 23-May-16 21:18:01

Yes Liz I've checked the others are paid for we have no loans or credit cards. We do get dla and child tax which I manage. Thank you

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