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Advice needed...(15 Posts)
I need a bit of advice.. boyfriend.. mortgages.. me..
Lets start of with a short version:
Back ground info:
I have been stung by my ex who I was with for 4 years, trusted him with money and he stung me and got me into 22k debt (without my knowledge) which led to a bad credit rating... however 4 years down the line I have £300 left to pay!! whoop whoop!
My credit rating isn't still as good as it can be which has meant that me and my current boyfriend haven't been able to get a mortgage due to my rating. However he went and got a mortgage in principle in just his name from his bank (I didn't know he was doing this...) and now he wants to go and get a mortgage in his own name but wants me to pay the same as i do now in our rented place. My issue is that I am refusing to pay to HIS mortgage but he doesn't understand why I don't want to do this.
I earn 18k a year and he earns 36k a year. I currently pay £510 into our joint account and he pays £610. He saves £500 a month towards a mortgage... i struggle to save £10.. However he wants me to pay the same OR MORE when he gets his new house...
So i said that i would pay half of the bills and nothing more.. i am not paying towards his mortgage. In two years time when he needs to remortgage the property we can place my name on the agreement (What ever equity is after 2 years is split equally.. prior to 2 years is his) and i will pay towards the mortgage no issues. (The money that i am saving from rent when we move in i will put in savings and use as a deposit from me towards our new mortgage.)
He cant understand this and thinks that i am being selfish.. however the more i think about it... why should he get to save £500 a month and i dont get the opportunity to save more?
Am i being unreasonable???
Thanks in advance x
My opinion is you should pay 1/3 and he pays 2/3 or thereabouts due to the difference in your incomes.
Also what to do with the mortgage depends on what your plans are for the future. If he accepts money from you toward the actual mortgage then you may have a claim to it do you split up.
I agree with your point of view.
You can't be added to the mortgage you shouldn't pay more than the bills.
If he wants you to be his tenant then draw an agreement and you pay rent which will in part cover the bills.
Besides during the current living together arrangements split is already unfair so IMHO he is taking advantage already of you. It won't get better I think.
Do you really want to be in a relationship with someone who thinks he will if he can take advantage of you at any cost?
I don't think you should pay his mortgage but I don't think you have the right to live rent free either.
It's not a good sign that your having this problem in the first place
It was sneaky of him to get the mortgage promise without your prior knowledge too......
YANBU you are being cautious, not selfish. If he owns a house and you live there, legally you would be his lodger.
How much do you pay in rent now? Is this amount more or less than the mortgage payments? Would the other expenses (gas, electric, insurance, etc.) go up or down when you move to the new place?
I agree that him going behind your back and getting a mortgage offer without your knowledge is a red flag. Be careful.
It's sensible for him to get the mortgage in his name. DH got the mortgage in just his name as my credit isn't good so we'd have got a much worse deal and not be able to borrow as much.
We merged our finances as we were married and so whose name the house was in didn't matter. It sounds like your finances are very separate, I wouldn't think of it as DH being able to save more than me as it would benefit both of us to be putting savings towards a mortgage. But if you are doing it that way, your contributions need to reflect your earnings are half of his. He should contribute twice as much as you.
thanks for the quick responses people!! didn't expect so many so soon!
We have spoken about our future and that we want to be together, kids, etc.. he has always said that he doesn't want kids or marriage until hes got a house which i am happy with that progression (even if it doesn't work out that way sometimes)
He cant do it as a tenant as who he has gone with for the mortgage (as its his first time buy) state he cannot have lodgers/ tenants. so i cannot protect my self that way.
Our current bills: (joint account holds £1120 income each month , £510 me, £610 him)
B Gas £102 (always in credit)
TV Licence £12.12
Council Tax £118
TV package £50
Dog Food £50
Contents insurance £9
The new mortgage payments would be around £550. So this has gone up and the other that would go up would be insurance as it wont just be contents it would be building. But either way i am happy to pay half of all the bills... just not his mortgage if i have no protection over myself.
For example... if we had an argument over... who didn't get any meat out the freezer for dinner (random bad example) he could just say get out and i would not have a leg to stand on..
May I also add that the rented we are in now is a 3 bed and i have furnished the entire place (apart from his TV and TV stand in the living room). but all of the other furniture is mine. not once have i said .. you owe me money for the furniture that you sit on every day. etc..
So if we need £1120 in the joint account every month how much do you think he should pay and i should pay??
Is he banking on him being afford this mortgage only because you will pay x amount?
That would be taking advantage of you!
the mortgage in principle part of it...
i appreciate that he did it 'for us' as he keeps saying, because of my credit history. (come on who on 18k can say they have paid 22k debt off in 4 years!! and lived etc..)
but i want to be able to protect myself at the same time... he tried to do it as a surprise... unfortunately... he told me whilst we were in the middle of town and couldn't under stand why i called him a selfish and walked off!
If you paid half the bills, that would be less than £200 per month.
If you paid 1/3 of the total, as pp have suggested, that would be £373 per month.
If you paid 1/2 of the total including mortgage, that would be £560, ie. more than you are paying now.
It seems to me that the 1/3 and 2/3 split is reasonable.
The other thing to bear in mind is that when you own a property, you are responsible for maintenance expenses that the landlord pays for on a rented property. When the roof needs fixing, you need a new boiler or whatever, you will have to pay.
i said to him... could you afford it if i died tomorrow? he said word for word
'it would be tight, but i think so'
bear in mind we have 2 dogs.
He works over an hour away, which he gets there by train... i work 11 mins from home and drive. this is clearly both our choice on where we are based for work. I work an extra 20 mins a day so that i can use it to drive home and have my lunch at home (50 mins instead of 30 mins) to sort the dogs out (so they arent home all day alone). i get home at 4 and he gets home at 7 (we both leave at 7.30 / 8) and he says that i should do most of the cleaning because he puts more money in the joint account.... and i should walk the dogs because i am home 3 hours earlier ( i walk them anyways) you can imagine how i reacted to this...ALL of my washing and towels for the house were cleaned for a month but none of his stuff was done at all... and he still couldn't work out why i was being funny!!!!
i agree with the 1/3 split .. that seams very reasonable.
I am going on the presumtion that if something broke we would do the same in that situation???
Something cost £1000 to repair .. i'd pay 1/3 and he's pay the rest? would that be right?
That all sounds ok to me. Just make sure you discuss and agree it with him.
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