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Ok I really need serious debt help no more sleepless nights

(17 Posts)
headburriedinthesand Wed 27-Nov-13 19:11:36

Have name changed.

From the age of 17 I was in a relationship which turned abusive. Exh who was a bit older (in 20s) used to smash the house up if he did not get what he wanted when he wanted and had to have all the latest stuff. He also kept walking out of jobs constantly and took loads out on credit. I could not pay it all on just my wage.

End result is we were in shit loads of debt real shit loads. We lost our house. As a result of then being in temp housing and moving twice and then moving following marriage breakdown some of it was not paid. Literally as we were leaving the house after eviction (we went before they changed locks) there was a bin bag of default letters.

Honestly there was that much and I do not know what large parts of it even are.

I have lived without him now for six years or more. I have no new debt in that time at all. I have paid off a few debts from our time together but still paying some and some I have not heard from in years. I probably owe around 35K inc mortgage shortfall and to the bank and other bills but I have not heard from some of these in years and both were taken over by other banks.

I work but on a very low income, I have no savings at all so it would be token offers but I am fed up of living in fear of being traced or bailiffs knocking on the door. I want to deal with this but do not know where to start. Besides if they contact exh about it and any is in joint names or his he will explode so its easier to deal with it!

Only I do not know where to start, I am paying some in small amounts a month, the older debt I have not a clue about details, amounts or even what they are.

bundaberg Wed 27-Nov-13 19:13:07

speak to cccs... they give out free, independent debt advice

was all the debt in both your names? or was some his alone?

bundaberg Wed 27-Nov-13 19:13:27

sorry cccs are now called stepchange

headburriedinthesand Wed 27-Nov-13 19:28:56

Some of it would have been in both names, a little of it in his alone (which I am not paying) but he was very clever and manipulative and a massive amount of it utility bills/council tax etc was put in my name.

If you owe anything like 35k have a low income and no savings, you need to go bankrupt. Some of your debt pay be 'statute barred' because it had been so long, but the mortgage shortfall won't be as that takes 12 years.

Here is an account of what this involves and what happens:

I suggest you read that and then go to your local CAB and ask them to help you through the process. Find your local CAB by putting your postcode in here:

You will have to list as many debts as possible, but if you miss some off the bankruptcy forms, it doesn't matter as they will be wiped out anyway smile

It might help to check up on your credit files, that may list a lot of the debts. There is a good guide on how to do this here:

(I don't make any money out of any links in my posts.)

RandomMess Wed 27-Nov-13 19:38:29

What Manzamilla says.

headburriedinthesand Wed 27-Nov-13 19:47:41

Thank you, that is really helpful, theres no way I could afford the £700 bankruptcy fees but would have to save up.

I would lose nothing by going bankrupt, I have no assets and no life anyway!

re bankruptcy fees, see this: and ask your local CAB to help you

headburriedinthesand Wed 27-Nov-13 19:52:44

Thanks, I know it sounds crap, I know I sound irresponsible and I was but I was 17 - 20. I was scared and would have done anything to prevent now ex h from going off on one.

LadyAlconleigh Wed 27-Nov-13 19:56:37

Would you even be held responsible for anything of that nature before you were 18 though?

HomeIsWhereTheHeartIs Wed 27-Nov-13 19:58:22

Please speak to CAP Christians Against Poverty - they have helped loads of my friends, they are totally free and you don't have to be a Christian. Most people they help aren't religious. They win all sorts of awards and MoneySavingExpert is always raving about them.

"I know I sound irresponsible and I was but I was 17 - 20"

You don't sound irresponsible at all - the irresponsble thing now is to try to ignore the problem.

Bankruptcy is there for when you need a clean start - and you do. It won't be great, but it won't be nearly as bad as you think smile

LovelyBath Thu 28-Nov-13 12:48:14

Would recommend Payplan ( to help with this good luck OP you don't deserve this and I think you can be free of it sooner than you might think.

Also if you need to open a new simple bank account I would recommend Cashminder with the Co-op, (despite the recent press of the co-op). It's easy to do online banking and you get a debit card and I've found it great and simple to use.

if you need to go bankrupt (and it sounds as though you do) then the co-op account will not do as it isn't available any longer for undisharged bankrupts (it used to be). Now the only account which is avaiable is Barclays basic bank account.

handinpocket Thu 28-Nov-13 23:46:39

I went bankrupt a few months ago and I was able to keep using my co-op account. I used the MSE bankruptcy boards for advice and most people on there have had no problems using the Co-op account, as long as it's opened before the bankruptcy, but they won't accept you if you've already gone bankrupt and then try to open an account. So the best thing to do is make sure you open it beforehand. I find it much better than the Barclays account, as Barclays won't let you use online banking and I'd find it frustrating to not be able to do that. You get a full debit card, the only difference to a normal account is that you can't get a cheque book or overdraft, but neither of those has been a problem for me.

OP, I had much higher debts than you and also had no assets and I got advice from Stepchange who recommended bankruptcy for me. I found it quite straightforward and it was a huge relief to be able to say goodbye to all those debts. If you're on a low income (like me) you may not have to pay anything back towards the debts, so it's a real fresh start. My credit rating is obviously bad now but it was already poor beforehand. I saved up my bankruptcy fees by stopping any further payments to my creditors. I could probably have got a grant for the fees, but it would have meant going through our CAB and they have a really long waiting time for appointments.

RedHelenB Sat 30-Nov-13 15:21:08

If you go bankrupt for joint debts then the creditors will go after your ex for the money.

ThanSheSaid Sat 30-Nov-13 16:35:38

You should go to a debt management CHARITY such as National Debt Line CAB, Stepchange or Debt Support Trust. Make sure whichever company you use is a REGISTERED CHARITY.

MONEY SAVING EXPERT has loads of advice on debt management plus great forums with lots of helpful posters and some snarky ones many of who have been through the same thing. There are some amazing stories of people who have successfully tackled huge debts.

You need to do a lot of research and work out exactly who and what you owe. There is no shortcut to doing this-you have to put in the work. smile Hopefully,you will feel more in control and less stressed once you know what you are up against.

Going bankrupt may not be the best answer.

Good luck. It will be a long hard slog whatever you decide but you have done the hardest thing which is acknowledging that you need to face up to things.

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