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financial insecurity vs. fertility insecurity(12 Posts)
Hello, I never post here but I'm just after some advice/ understanding/ reassurances that it will all be okay!
We are a family of three (1 DS) who are sort of struggling. DP earns 25K in his full-time job, I earn about 10K in my part-time job. We have no child care costs and fairly cheap rent and C. tax (430& 103 monthly). We are both servicing credit cards debts from our misspent pasts and are also both just a bit crap with money. We have no savings and sometimes run out of money before the end of the month. However, we always have plenty of food, heating, pay the bills, DS has new shoes and school uniforms etc, so essentials are met, but there is no buffer.
My issue is this... I am nearly 34 and want to start trying for a baby. DS is from a previous relationship, and DP has done a brilliant job raising him. He is an amazing father and I want us to just have one baby together.
We live in a rural area with a low cost of living, but limited job prospects, so earning more will be difficult although I am trying! Basically I feel like I have to choose - try for a baby now/ soon even though we have no financial security, or risk waiting a few more years and hoping that I find full time work? (DP is probably earning slightly higher than average for his field). I feel like I am either risking my fertility or risking my financial security, and just wish for a lottery win so that I can have my baby without worrying how to make ends meet! WWYD in my situation? Go forward blithely singing "all you need is love"... or wait a few years and risk having difficulty conceiving?
Sorry for the long post. It is much shorter than the conversation that is running through my head tho!!
Have the baby.
Your financial situation isn't dire, if everyone waited for the perfect time to have a baby no one would ever have one!
Baby, you can always sort your money out/move into another area. But I would wait till I have 2months amout of money saved up to cover any short falls, just the case of being tight for a few months. That's what we are doing now,
Thank you Jewelledkaleidoscope and Costypop. I must be in some bizarre baby craving hormonal state - your replies have made me cry! Happy, if slightly uncalled for, tears. Thank you.
Even if you do decide to have a baby sooner (I think you should too), it does not mean you cannot sort your finances out and be organised and be heading towards a positive place.
I was in a lot of debt a few years ago and as soon as we made the commitment to get out of debt and had a spreadsheet that we could look at, I stopped minding about the debt so much because we were in control.
I'll bet that if you think your a bit a shit with money then there will be loads of ways you can cut back and get back in control. You can still money save if you have a baby! Some ideas of the top of my head...
change your cc to 0%
use comparison sites to check insurances
(that was not my error - this really will save you loads!)
ebay anything not nailed down
learn a new skill you can sell locally
partner getting training at work
check any benefits you entitled to
turn heating down/off
You could post on the money saving expert debt free wannabe board..they are v friendly...http://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/forumdisplay.php?f=76
Also the old style money saving board has some great info on.
Take back control. You will feel fab!
Get paying those debts off asap and you will find you have enough money to have another baby.
We don't earn much more than that and live in a super expensive area and mange to save for a house deposit every month too. Not that we find it easy but it can be done.
Do what sunshine and showers has suggested - it is all about watching where your money goes as it is so easy to spend without thinking.
We had less money than that when we had ds2, and even now 10 yrs later we don't earn the same as you.
But i'm canny with money, since we had the children, and we were useless before. So you can learn to be frugal. I paid off all our cc's with my maternity pay for example.
And go get help with the debts - local credit union??
I'm with those saying that it's not an 'either/or' decision. Even if you started trying to get pregnant immediately, you'd have maybe a year before it arrived and, if you really commit as a team (very important that you both engage with this) and get some qualified help, you can make a serious improvement in your financial health in that time.
Being blunt, 'a bit crap with money' suggests laziness or disorganisation rather than stupidity. How about consulting one of the free debt advisory services, making a budget, tracking your income/outgoings and being utterly ruthless about what you spend from now on?
get rid of the debts and learn to stop being crap with money. No-one is born knowing how to manage cash but it isn't a talent either. Build up savings for six months without income.
then get pregnant!
easy savers: stop buying clothes for adults, no takeaways, no magazines or books (there are libraries), lose i-phones and have internet only at home, waste no food.
Thank you for all the advice, and sorry for posting and wandering off... the good news is that I have an interview for a better paying job coming up! If I get this job we will be sooo much better off, but even if I don't I am going to become a budgeting queen .
It is very encouraging to hear of other people managing, and to have helpful tips. I would say that I am disorganised rather than lazy and I am actually really really frugal
mostly. I feed the family well on very little money, buy all my clothes from charity shops, ds quite happily lives in hand me downs, etc. etc. The fact that I still have no money suggests I need to take it up a gear and actually budget and plan rather than hoping it will all be okay .
cogito, you're quite right in saying it is a teamwork thing, dp is prone to undoing all of my hard work meal planning by splurging on fancy cheeses and chocolates, or Tesco's finest crap that we don't need. It is very hard to argue with him about such treats tho..
Anyway, it definitely helps to put it our there: I will get this under control and try for another baby!
<<slinks off as tears start welling up again>>
"dp is prone to undoing all of my hard work"
You really do have to scotch this. No point you scrimping, saving and dressing in rags if he's spending it like a sailor on shore-leave... It's easy enough to get a handle on the regular outgoings but I'd suggest you get him to keep a diary of his cash withdrawals & 'incidental expenses'. Very easy to rattle through a lot of cash and have nothing to show for it.
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