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Cohabiting - how do you pay "rent" to your partner when he owns the house?

(92 Posts)
yayforspring Sun 21-Apr-13 23:22:32

Hi all

Im hoping to move in with OH in about 6 months. He has just bought a house and is expecting me to contribute, and I was planning on doing so. I currently pay £540 inc rent and bills in a shared house. His mortgage on a 2 bed place is £1300 a month plus bills (prob £250). Im not sure how I should pay him. I thought initially I would just pay him £540, to keep outgoings the same for me, as its not my property. I wouldnt get a whole room to myself as such although if we were renting together I'd be paying a lot more. I would be technically paying off his mortgage, but if i dont contribute I'd have no say in things and wouldnt feel it was my home. He wants a bit more than £540, i think about £600. I wondered whether I could just pay him £540, and then pay the rest of my half of everything into a savings account for us to use in the future if we stay together (ie for the next house) so that things were really equal. Anyone else in the same situation? what is the normal thing to do?

"I think I'd delay moving in until the two of you are truly ready to go the whole hog, tbh."

I'm keen on people being financially sensible, but honestly the only way you know if this relationship is going to last is to start living together.

If it was me, I would be thinking that I would propose paying £540, same as now, on the understanding that after a year, the two of you will review the situation and consider adding your name to the deeds and the mortgage.

So you are no worse off than now, you can start lining together but you have made it clear that long term you want to be a couple financially, not a bloke with a lodger.

FioRez Mon 24-Feb-14 16:24:41

Hi, I'm hoping this thread still has some life in it because I want to add some experiences.
I invited my OH to live with me 3 yrs ago. Obviously the extra income was welcome, but it was really having him with me which I really wanted. For the last year I've been talking about us selling the flat and buying a family place together. He has a good job and we could probably get a joint mortgage now. The equity from the flat would have given us a really good deposit which I was totally up for sharing with him, without rule. For whatever reason, our relationship is breaking down every day and although I have kept trying to work at it, things just get worse and I can't see a good future for us. I'm actually relieved that I didn't involve him with the mortgage from the start, because as much as I've wanted it to, relationships don't always work out. The equity on the property is because of my hard work and savings when I brought it (before I met him). I doubt he would ever have bought property on his own, maybe because he's not that way inclined. So I've given him a lovely place to live throughout our relationship, which he would have otherwise paid to an absent landlord. I'm just very sorry that he couldn't be bothered to work through our minor issues to see the way to a real future with complete equality on every front. I think everyone looses here, most of all emotionally.

Silvia232 Thu 13-Mar-14 04:23:24

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Quantum1971 Sat 22-Mar-14 04:22:29

I've been in a situation before of cohabiting with a boyfriend for over two years who took rent from me to help pay a mortgage in just his name. Even when I lost my job and was unemployed I continued to pay. When we split up I felt terribly jipped for stupidly helping someone pay 12k towards their mortgage when they had not shown any sign of commitment to me. I felt especially bad as I slept on a friends floor in their lounge so that I could save up a deposit on a place to rent in the months after our split.
Now I find myself in a situation where I have been with a partner for 2.5 years and renting together for the past year. My partner however has suddenly decided that he wants to buy right now and that he wants to do this in his name because he earns more, has a deposit. I've been feeling pretty awful since he told me this as I envisage ending up in a situation like before. I don't want to contribute to someone else's mortgage again without something for me. I liked the suggestion that whilst not included in the equity of the house, just splitting bills and money saved on rent to go into a pot that will enable me to come onto the mortgage at a later date together. This seems a pretty fair idea. He's not losing anything by doing that and if is serious about a future with me, should be happy with that. If he can't afford the mortgage without my contribution, then I should be on the deeds to a % what I contribute from start. I would suggest to lady that started this thread as you've not been together long, to propose he gets his tenant in do he does not need you to live with him. Then take it from there. You need to know he wants to be living with you, as apposed needs your rent! That's the mistake I made the first time. I won't again!

iolloyd Tue 01-Apr-14 17:23:45

Why is it okay to pay off the mortgage of a landlord, but when the landlord is your partner, suddenly it's not? If you were not living together, surely you would have to pay rent or a mortgage elsewhere?

Viviennemary Thu 03-Apr-14 17:09:27

I don't think I'd like to be contributing to a partner's mortgage for any length of time. As others have said you will have no rights and no home if you split up. But maybe as a short term thing it would be OK.

TypicaLibra Fri 04-Apr-14 08:21:12

iolloyd, one reason is that you are sharing a bed with the person sharing the mortgage. So really you don't have your own 'space' in the home like a proper lodger would - they would at least get their own room to do whatever they wanted with.

If the morgage is on a one-bedroomed house / flat the homeowner is taking the piss really expecting their partner to contribute significantly to the mortgage, as there's no way they could get a lodger.

Heatherbell1978 Mon 14-Apr-14 13:14:13

I was in the opposite situation when my OH moved in 2 years ago (we're now married) as I own the house. He paid me half of everything but it was less than he was paying renting a property on his own so he wasn't too bothered. However a lot of my friends said the normal arrangement would be for him to pay half of all bills and come to a separate agreement re any contribution to the mortgage. So if I were you I'd play it that way. Offer to pay half of all bills and some toward the mortgage so it adds up to what you paid before. The whole 'paying off his mortgage and not being on the deeds' isn't a great argument though because if you rent a flat, you're paying the owners mortgage but not getting a share of that flat or going on the deeds so it's kind of the same thing.

alleycat1986 Sun 24-Jan-16 11:08:04

I need some advice : "living with partner who has own mortgage and earns more/ splitting outgoing"
I am just turning 30, living at home. Partner is 33, has own house and mortgage for 8years.
We are thinking about moving in about a years time but a spanner has been put in the woks which I will explain later. He earns upto £45-50 per year which I found out as he didn't actually disclose this. We have been together for nearly 3 years. He is very independent financially and from a well off family but does it all himself. I live at home as of bad experiences in the past so don't want to move in with someone without knowing the facts

I've heard of tennant in common, agreement which sounds good. But that would be years down the line
I want to know what would be reasonable with paying bills and outgoings when you first move in?
I am being picky with this as it's not simple and straight forward with my partner, he's closed when it comes to talking about his outgoings and income, and said oh don't worry about mortgage and bills u know I'll pay that you just can pay abit of whatever, it may seem lovely to most females but not me.
That's not partnership in my eyes and would make me feel like a lodger without any say on anything including the house, in making it also my home.
I don't earn a great deal and out incomes are at other ends of the spectrums me :£16 pa his: £47-50 pa

It's hard as I'm fighting my own independence and control of my life. My partner in my eyes has said he will take care of all finances as its a way of him not having to disclose what he's got going and and going out and I don't want that blindness in my life, I have to be in control also

Further to this, he has told me he has £23 k in savings, for a car and this is offset against his mortgage. Which is great to see I'm with someone who saves it

But as I've had a bad past and small insecurities about men, I opened his bank statement not because of doubt but looking for that extra reassurance that what he says is true if we are to have a future together
His statement read more than he told me
£23k. - (actually £47k much more)
£2,400 - (savings that I knew about)
£6,500 - (did not disclose)
£40 in current account when I fact it was £1,400 a available)
And a £2k Xmas present from his dad he did not tell me about

I feel like he obviously doesn't trust me to tell me this, it's almost like financial infidelity. He says the £47k is not for anything in particular, just saving

The issue is, he saves 2/3 of his wage now I've realised but has been saying he doesn't have much money to actually live on and that he's so thrifty.

I confronted him, he was shocked but o feel hurt and almost lied too even though I guess it's non of my business. It opened my eyes up to the fact if we lived together e would have never told me about this he admits, so where do I take things from here?
I feel dubious now about living, and that he will never disclose try transparency on money and I want unity and partnership not a say on his money but to at least know
he says its security in case he looses his job but in all fairness he's been in it for 11yrs and is looking for a massive promotion in which he thinks he/ will live on a shoe string still?

alleycat1986 Sun 24-Jan-16 11:08:56

I need some advice : "living with partner who has own mortgage and earns more/ splitting outgoing"
I am just turning 30, living at home. Partner is 33, has own house and mortgage for 8years.
We are thinking about moving in about a years time but a spanner has been put in the woks which I will explain later. He earns upto £45-50 per year which I found out as he didn't actually disclose this. We have been together for nearly 3 years. He is very independent financially and from a well off family but does it all himself. I live at home as of bad experiences in the past so don't want to move in with someone without knowing the facts

I've heard of tennant in common, agreement which sounds good. But that would be years down the line
I want to know what would be reasonable with paying bills and outgoings when you first move in?
I am being picky with this as it's not simple and straight forward with my partner, he's closed when it comes to talking about his outgoings and income, and said oh don't worry about mortgage and bills u know I'll pay that you just can pay abit of whatever, it may seem lovely to most females but not me.
That's not partnership in my eyes and would make me feel like a lodger without any say on anything including the house, in making it also my home.
I don't earn a great deal and out incomes are at other ends of the spectrums me :£16 pa his: £47-50 pa

It's hard as I'm fighting my own independence and control of my life. My partner in my eyes has said he will take care of all finances as its a way of him not having to disclose what he's got going and and going out and I don't want that blindness in my life, I have to be in control also

Further to this, he has told me he has £23 k in savings, for a car and this is offset against his mortgage. Which is great to see I'm with someone who saves it

But as I've had a bad past and small insecurities about men, I opened his bank statement not because of doubt but looking for that extra reassurance that what he says is true if we are to have a future together
His statement read more than he told me
£23k. - (actually £47k much more)
£2,400 - (savings that I knew about)
£6,500 - (did not disclose)
£40 in current account when I fact it was £1,400 a available)
And a £2k Xmas present from his dad he did not tell me about

I feel like he obviously doesn't trust me to tell me this, it's almost like financial infidelity. He says the £47k is not for anything in particular, just saving

The issue is, he saves 2/3 of his wage now I've realised but has been saying he doesn't have much money to actually live on and that he's so thrifty.

I confronted him, he was shocked but o feel hurt and almost lied too even though I guess it's non of my business. It opened my eyes up to the fact if we lived together e would have never told me about this he admits, so where do I take things from here?
I feel dubious now about living, and that he will never disclose try transparency on money and I want unity and partnership not a say on his money but to at least know
he says its security in case he looses his job but in all fairness he's been in it for 11yrs and is looking for a massive promotion in which he thinks he/ will live on a shoe string still?

BIWI Sun 24-Jan-16 11:11:28

This is a zombie thread!

Why not start your own thread?

But I will reply to you anyway - you obviously have huge trust issues, and apparently so does he. If you're thinking about moving in together, than you should be open with each other, and you should be sharing the cost of things.

However, I'd go ballistic if you opened my post - even if I hadn't got anything to hide. And you do know that it's illegal to do that, don't you?

EssentialHummus Sun 24-Jan-16 11:35:09

Alley - IMO if the two of you can't have searingly honest conversations about your income and financial goals, you shouldn't be moving in together. Opening the bloke's post in lieu of having a conversation is not a good sign.

"Tenancy in common" refers to a way of sharing home ownership (not renting as you seem to mean it) and doesn't seem relevant here. Info

I'd also suggest you start a new thread.

alleycat1986 Sun 24-Jan-16 11:59:54

Okay sorry didn't understand the zombie thread thing

It was a really bad thing to do I u derby and that, but o haven't ever trusted a man because of the way I was treated.
I want open conversations but I'm not getting it.
My partner talks in a silly light hearted way of kids, soonish
Moving in etc
But if someone can't tell you what they earn or have saved why is this?
I don't get it, I feel my parents days were so much more simple everything in the pot and divided from that
It's not like that anymore, and especially if you have wages at different ends of the spectrum
Maybe we do both have trust issues, but it doesn't help if my partner is adding oil to the fire with this,
I have to know if I settle and have a family that my partner isn't being secretive about money

I appreciate feedback, thanks

Wuffleflump Mon 25-Jan-16 12:25:46

Extreme scenarios: you pay nothing for housing, save what you would have spent on rent. If the relationship succeeds, your savings go into the next, shared, property. If the relationship fails, you have saved, he still has a property that was based on only his income anyway. Not 'fair' but no-one is worse off.

You pay half the housing costs, he saves the difference: if the relationship succeeds, you buy a property together with the equity and what he has saved through reduced costs. If the relationship fails, you've paid more to live with him, you have not been able to save, house prices have gone up making it harder for you to buy (depending on area), and he has both the property and savings.

I'd say you are more at risk than he is financially. I do not think paying half is reasonable, especially if this is an increase over you current rent.

I'd offer, at most, to match what you currently spend on rent and bills, so at least you are no worse off.

Also, his bills are lower per person with you moving in: costs like heating do not scale linearly.

[I rent with my boyfriend and we share costs evenly, even though he earns more. Finances are separate. But we both benefit from reduced rent, and can both save long-term. Equity is not an issue.]

alleycat1986 Mon 25-Jan-16 13:32:19

Honestly that was such good advice and so well written.
Your points are valid and reasonable I will take that all on board
Thanks

cherrybath Tue 26-Jan-16 17:17:46

I agree with other writers and don't see why you should contribute towards the mortgage costs if your name is not on the deeds. Fair enough to split the other household bills. Why should you help him to pay off his mortgage and get no return in the event that things don't work out between you? "His" property would be increasing in value and you would have helped to pay for it.

But in any case I suspect that a solicitor would say that if you co-habit for some years and can show that you regularly split all the costs of living in the house (including the mortgage) you may be entitled to a share in the value of property if you should break up in the future.

For both your sakes I suggest that you reach some formal legal agreement. If your partner is putting his existing capital into the purchase this can be taken into account when the agreement is drawn up.

Things would be different if you were a lodger with your own room - your rent would not be based on the cost of the mortgage but on current market rents.

I suggest that you look at the this link:
www.citizensadvice.org.uk/relationships/living-together-marriage-and-civil-partnership/living-together-and-marriage-legal-differences/#h-housing

Blondeshavemorefun Tue 26-Jan-16 21:31:16

i would suggest if you moved in you paid the money you would have paid for you old rent into an account - in a years time would be £6k ish/ 12k in two years and then you would know more how you both feel

you could add that to the mortgage to pay a bit off

if you split up then have savings to put towards own house

warning bells ring to me now he is saying it is more then he thought, another £300 - he can get a lodger

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