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Does anybody get an allowance from their DH?(71 Posts)
I was at a wedding recently and got talking to another SAHM. She was telling me about a friend of hers who, on top of her allowance, got paid for all the jobs she did around the house (cooking, cleaning, etc). This was the first time I'd even heard about an allowance! I felt like a bit of a mug tbh. Needless to say my DH and I had a very interesting conversation on the way home.
Does anybody else get an allowance? What is reasonable to expect/request on a weekly basis?
Chocolate you are experiencing financial abuse.
You are an unmarried SAHM, you are not linked financially with your DP in any way. He would owe you not a penny if he kicked you out tomorrow. FGS at least protect yourself a little by keeping your tax credits. What happens to the child benefit?
Who made him your boss? Do you rent, own? Joint mortgage, is your name on the deeds?
In all honesty, I think you have it worse than 99% in terms of having financial equality in your relationship.
Everything is joint here, and we each have the same amount of 'spending money' that we put in our own accounts.
I can't understand not pooling finances!
I am a sahm and dh and I have two joint accounts. One household, all outgoings etc. One spending and incomings - wages and tax credits etc everything. We transfer a set amount to the household and then share whatever is left in the spending. We have equal spending money. We never ask each other if we can spend, we just do. We are both sensible and have never been overdrawn.
And before people think we must be rich (ha!) Dh works full time on minimum wage near enough and we have two dc.
I was married to someone very tight with money a long time ago and when I met dh we talked openly about finances and both agreed long term we could never understand having separate finances.
Chocolate why do you 'have to' give half?? Does he insist?
I'm a SAHM mostly, do odd bits of work. We pool all our money
except my emergency fund. We buy what we want/need and discuss any big purchases. Neither of us is extravagant so it works well.
Gosh hope DH doesn't see this; I'm not a SAHM but work part-time and am paid much less than him, and am domestically useless. All funds pooled, one account. I suspect if it occurred to DH to financially incentivise my domestic contribution to the household he'd find it hilarious!
This thread makes me shudder at how women can relinquish so much financial responsibility. You'd be buggered if you ever split up. I'm an extreme example as I've raised ds alone since birth without a penny from his dad. I have my own house, pension and savings and never needed a man financially and never will. Some of you are in such vulnerable positions :-(
Polly, it does go into my account but I have to give half to DP. Its a bit shit but I'm used to it now. It could be worse! I'm a lot luckier than some.
In our family everything (bar benefits/ tax credits) goes into one account. Cash goes in a pot and we have a race to see who can spend it first.
Oh thank you, forevergreek, I saw your post after I typed my longer "defence" of what we do!
Chocolatecoings - CTC goes into the account selected by the main caregiver. If you are SAHM it is your right to have that money put into the account of your choice. It is calld Child tax credit, not Father's tax credit. It is for them - you are their carer and you say what it is spent on.
I get £50 a week, that's plenty for whatever takeout or coffees or anything I could want, or I can save it for clothes. Tampons get bought with the regular shop (or they would if I needed them but have a mirena coil so no need) and we don't have children (or cost centres as the lady on superscrimpers calls them :-) ). For us it's just a matter of budgeting which allows us to overpay our mortgage by the max allowed and save on top of that. Of course if I really wanted to spend more I would but my OH and I just prefer to be quite careful with our money. He only takes £20 a week for himself but I'm quite greedy I guess.
Whosiswhatsit- that sounds v logical to me
No, because we both work. I do know someone who is a SAHM and not only does she get an allowance, but she has to budget from that allowance and doesn't have access to the bank account.
She is a bright, witty, intelligent, outgoing person - quite why she puts up with this nonsense I have not the faintest idea.
Bling - we share everything too - when we got married we both had our own homes but we pooled everything, bought our new home together, had a shared bank account; at that point we had very similar income levels. Since that day (25 years ago ) we have always shared the bank account, I have been a SAHM for 12 years, hopefully with no itention of returning to work .......... I guess it helps that we have very similar ideas about spending money but I would never expect to 'ask' for anything, I know how much we have, I am capable of making a sensible decision as to whether or not we can afford something. Neither of us would ever go overdrawn or take out an overdraft. There have never been any 'nasty surprises' financially. It's the one area we've never disagreed on throughout our married life (plenty of others though ).
It was to anyone who has to ask their dh everytime they need to buy a pack of tampons or new pants for their child!
Chocolatecoins- I am saddened and shocked tbh that you have to save your money for new shoes for children when your dh has enough money in the account.
Completely different if you are feeling the pince as a family, but for you to struggle and you dh to be able to buy a coffee and his own shoes when he fancies, that IMO isn't on
Was that for me? Well I do try to save £5 a week for times when I need a bit more. Eg DD needs new shoes. I don't spend any money on myself, or try not to. DP does occasionally get things for her.
DP pays for all the food. Because we live over 45 mins away from the nearest supermarket we make sure we don't run out of things during the week.
I know he would probably give me money if I asked but I've never had to and tbh I don't think I could.
I assume you were talking to ChocolateCoins, not me, forevergreek?
That seems crazy. So you have no money in the week? What if you need to pick up some groceries/ nappies/ coffee out/ take children swimming/ buy new socks etc etc? Do you have to ask for the exact amount? And permission?
We both work, money into joint account. Then a set amount goes into joint savings and a set amount into individual accounts. The joint account is basically used for everything day to day, individual is whatever we individually want to spend excess on ( weekend away/ expensive hobbies). So for example if I went out and brought an average price coat i would probably use joint account, but if I wanted to splurge on excessive designer coat I would use private account.
I would say as long as all bills covered, some spare left for unknown buys, save a little, do what we want with the rest.
I'm the one who works, DH is a "domestic god" and deals with the budget. As such, he doles out pocket money to me even though technically it arrived in our household via my pay check. That way I can spend it without having to think about "can we afford this..." It's my pin money, basically. Works for us.
Im a SAHM. We get £50 a week CTC which I give half to DP. The £25 a week I'm left with has to be used to for nappies/wipes/clothes/non essential food items for DD, plus anything I need for myself. Jealous of you lot that pool all your money!
Back in the olden days the working man would hand over the whole week's pay and lady housewife would give him an allowance for a pint and a paper. She would pay all household bills etc. Perhaps this is the way to go?
DH puts money into my account each month and most of the bills bar mortgage go from it. I do Internet banking so can keep an eye on things and am fairly organised. He spends what's left in his on his motorbike, hobbies,
beer , work expenses etc and is often in overdraft, the idea of which horrifies me! The only real reason we don't share finances is because I loathe his bank with a passion and he refuses to phone/internet bank (paranoid about security). Once if his overdraft is paid off we might consider getting a joint account with co-op or something.
We've got one joint account where everything goes into and comes out of and the money in it is ours. OK used to earn more than dp, Now I'm part time he earns significantly more than me, but we're a team and it's our money.
It's OK saying the family income is ours, not his - but if I were a SAHM with a working husband, I'd love him a lot more if he split his take home pay with me fifty-fifty after his travel costs and work lunches had been allowed for.
I'd like to see that as the norm, one day. Lots of stay at home mothers understandably hate the feeling of being beholden - so their own 50% of pay in their own bank accounts, would resolve that problem.
DH pays a sum into my account once a month, so I suppose it could be seen as an allowance. We have retained our separate accounts and don't want to have a joint account, for specific financial reasons. In practice though I have access to his account as I use his card to pay for items online, and DH pays all the bills from his account, so the regular payment is just for my personal use and so I have access to cash.
It doesn't bother me as it's a very generous amount - it's actually twice as much as my own total income was before we got married, so I never really spend it all and I tend to build up some savings. It is definitely not linked to things I do
or don't do around the house!
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