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Maintenence payments

(30 Posts)
caholio Sat 02-Mar-13 09:28:43

I have recently split from my partner. We have a 2 year old and are currently trying to agree on maintenence payments. He has offered £200 a month. I pay £330 childcare a month but get child benefit and tax credits. He is very well paid, 50 or 60 k a year. Is this a reasonable amont for him to pay?

littleangel1 Fri 08-Mar-13 11:45:08

nice to actually talk to people who know what your talking about. A big thankyou to all

littleangel1 Fri 08-Mar-13 11:43:30

maybe that's why he agreed to go higher cos he don't want to pay more through csa. Even though it sounds sad 200 a month will make a huge difference to us. I read on csa website last night that they might start charging for using them!

SignoraStronza Fri 08-Mar-13 11:36:39

Yes, go straight to the csa and request that they organise the collection of the monies via direct debit. That way there is no argument.

I did this because I knew that ex should have been paying a lot more than £200 a month but there is no way that it is possible to have a rational conversation with him (I.e he'd probably have expected me to provide a list of outgoings for dc and would have argued the toss over everything). At least this way it is fair and hassle free. I just had to give them his name, d.o.b and a rough idea of where he works as he won't let me know his address. Thankfully a 'foreign' name made it easier to locate his NI number.

lottieandmia Fri 08-Mar-13 11:28:26

When you first apply, the CSA have to do their calculations but it will be 15% of what he earns - I think they make allowances for overnight stays too.

littleangel1 Fri 08-Mar-13 11:12:30

Thanks i think i should ask csa. He phoned me again and i got him up to 200? Can the csa actually tell me what he would be paying through them? or will they just tell me its 15% of what he earns?

lottieandmia Fri 08-Mar-13 09:42:46

£200 a month is not enough - my ex pays more than that via the CSA and he earns a lot less than £60k!

It may be better to do it via the CSA from the outset, that way it is fairer. IME, the NRP starts out with good intentions when you agree a private arrangement and then becomes resentful about paying the money and one day just decides to stop and the first thing you know about it is that money you were relying on hasn't gone into your account!

Ginebra Fri 08-Mar-13 09:37:27

CabbageLeaves, I hear you. It's tough.

TheWizardsWife Fri 08-Mar-13 09:02:02

Cabbageleaves, sorry too. I think we actually agree!

Snorbs Fri 08-Mar-13 08:29:43

littleangel, I'd give the CSA a call and see what they think he should be paying. I bet it's more than £150 a month.

Do you know what he does for a living?

littleangel1 Thu 07-Mar-13 21:03:21

Hi. I contacted the CSA to get money for my daughter. I haven't spoken to her dad for about 3 years. He phoned me today and said he would give me 150 a month without using csa? Said he gets net 250 a week! Could someone please give me some advice.

Ginebra Thu 07-Mar-13 20:23:54

Only 15%?! wow. so there is not even a pretence that the financial burden of parenthood be shared equally is there??! 15% is like being tossed a bone.

CabbageLeaves Thu 07-Mar-13 20:20:00

Sorry Wizard. I was off on one. I love my DC so I'd never begrudge them. I do find being mum and dad hard work though

TheWizardsWife Thu 07-Mar-13 20:10:36

I am well aware of all those things, believe me. Again apologies for upsetting anyone.

CabbageLeaves Thu 07-Mar-13 18:29:42

Wizard. My both parents equally comment as a premise is probably rare. In my experience you have some RP who feel that the NRP should bust a gut and go out to work and finance everything whilst they stay at home. More so in my experience you have NRPs who resent giving CM at all and evade as much as possible. Giving the bare minimum, as Cognito says is not the action of a loving parent.

RPs in general don't get that option. I can't resent/evade bringing up DC, can't resent/evade torn school skirt, growing out of school shoes, hot tap left running, party presents to buy, school trips, days out, Christmas presents (he doesn't buy any!!!), birthday party costs, decorating the bedroom, swimming lessons etc I feed clothe and house. I pay the child care. I have no free time to do overtime, go to the gym, pub, meet friends. I give way more than 50% of my whole life. I love them so I do it. What does that say about him?

No one says ok we've already taken 15% so the rest is covered...and what a decent parent you are giving that much!

TheWizardsWife Thu 07-Mar-13 10:05:00

Apologies if I have riled you cognitio, or if you have misinterpreted what I was saying.
Although I disagreed with your initial statement, I was not suggesting what you describe at all and entirely agree with your last post.

OP- as others have said, 15% is the minimum that the CSA would state, so it should be more. Maybe getting the CSA involved could be a last resort, could you discuss this with him first? I have no idea the kind of relationship you have but it maybe worth talking first- some people have no idea the true cost of raising a child!
You'll also have to consider whether your child will live with you full time or 50/50 between you both, this will also make a difference.

CogitoErgoSometimes Thu 07-Mar-13 09:55:27

Well the OP's ex with his pathetic stab at £200 is offering far less than the bare minimum and, if he had anything about him at all, he'd take the £400/month calculation as a guide rather than the absolute. The resident parent will have regular outgoings associated with looking after the child but, as every parent knows, there are also irregular extras that need paying for. Decent non-resident parents don't say 'I've paid my dues' and wash their hands.... they offer to chip in. Same when the child hits 18. I'm sure there are many NRPs out there that think this lets them off the hook and stop paying the day of the 18th birthday but that's not really the behaviour of a loving parent.

TheWizardsWife Thu 07-Mar-13 09:16:30

I think cabbageleaves you have it with

"I think the premise is that both parents support their DC equally"

CabbageLeaves Thu 07-Mar-13 07:24:07

Would the suggestion that most parents give more than they 'need to' be a sweeping statement?

CabbageLeaves Thu 07-Mar-13 07:23:13

I think the premise is that both parents support their DC equally which is why I work. I could offer the bare minimum to keep that child alive (food, water, bed, etc) but as a decent person I like to give more and bring them up to be happy adults. That could mean my time or money.

I give both.

TheWizardsWife Wed 06-Mar-13 23:05:27

It is a sweeping statement and in many cases I would have to disagree, but I'm certainly no expert, just someone with a different view.

CogitoErgoSometimes Wed 06-Mar-13 14:39:05

You disagree TheWizardsWife?

TheWizardsWife Wed 06-Mar-13 14:26:09

"A decent person should offer more than the CSA minimum of course."

Hmmm. Nothing like a huge sweeping statement.

SignoraStronza Wed 06-Mar-13 14:22:47

Have just been in same situation with my ex. Up until recently he paid £200 a month, which he decided on (and I felt obliged to acquiesce to for various reasons. He now lives in the UK and based on a salary of 40k gross has to pay £80 a week. It would be about £85 but he has managed to convince the csa that it costs him £210 a month in fuel and b&b to facilitate access on his monthly visits. shock

He is not at all happy.

CogitoErgoSometimes Wed 06-Mar-13 11:23:05

In your case tkay123 I think you need a lawyer rather than simply the CSA. As to why certain fathers think it's clever to play the system and leave their own children in poverty.... who knows, but presumably it's a big part of the reason why he's an ex in the first place?

tkay123 Tue 05-Mar-13 23:29:47

What about an ex who is self employed, constantly in and out of work and flits from our home in Spain and around the UK?
I have been living in the UK with our 2 children now for 3 and a half years and have not received a penny in maintenance. I am claiming housing benefit as it is the only way of putting a roof over our heads.
Am really at a loss to comprehend a father who doesn't support his children.

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