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How much does his ex really get?

(505 Posts)
WaspFactory Wed 09-Jan-13 11:11:34

How much money does a single parent get in benefits? I ask because my partner is paying his ex over the odds in maintenance because he thinks she is getting next to nothing. However, a friend of mine says his ex gets more money than him due to the amount of benefit she receives.

Can anyone tell me how much (roughly) per month it's possible to get as a single SAHM with one child? Bearing in mind that she is living in their old house with a mortgage on it?

fuckadoodlepoopoo Thu 10-Jan-13 08:14:43

Message deleted by Mumsnet for breaking our Talk Guidelines. Replies may also be deleted.

CheeseandPickledOnion Thu 10-Jan-13 13:04:14

happynewmind, in some cases (mine for example) I know she's out on the lash all weekend every weekend because DH sees the people and bottles still lying pissed all over the house if he picks up on a Sat am. Also she likes to publish it ALL OVER Facebook with pictures and disgusting comments.

InNeatCognac Thu 10-Jan-13 13:07:30

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

shine0ncrazydiamond Thu 10-Jan-13 14:13:41

Gosh, then your DH is a neglectful parent based on that.

I'm imagining a man tip toeing over pissed bodies and rolling bottles to reach his children. Maybe consider reporting to SS eh?

fuckadoodlepoopoo Thu 10-Jan-13 15:18:38

Blimey cheese that's awful!

olgaga Thu 10-Jan-13 15:44:49

Cheese if it's really that bad I'm surprised your DH hasn't done something about it. As others have pointed out though, it's not really your business, and doesn't affect the fact that he has to pay maintenance for his children.

DontmindifIdo Thu 10-Jan-13 15:45:11

BTW - OP if you do come back to this thread, can I just say be very, very wary of pissing off a non-working wife before a financial settlement is confirmed. As I mentioned she is entitled to claim for spousal maintenance. while you might not be used to people getting this, it is common and if I heard a friend say that her soon to be exH's OW was trying to reduce what he'd agreed to give her, I'd be advising she got a solicitor and started looking at spousal maintenance. That wouldn't just be paid until the youngest DC is 18 or left full time education as child maintenance would be, but potentially for the rest of their lives. She can claim not just what hte CSA says he should pay to keep his DC, but to keep her. If she is currently 'kept' she can ask for that to continue.

Now, as he doens't earn a high wage, then she probalywon't get that forever/a large amount, but it could be used as a negoiation tool by her solicitor and end up with your DP having to pay far more than the money he's agreed now. Let me put it this way, a friend who's exW got angry (when finding out about his affair with my friend half way through his 'this isn't working out' divorce) has an agreement that he pays 75% of his income to his exW until the youngest DC leaves full time education. 75%. Thankfully, he earns a high wage, his 2ndDW (my friend) earns a good wage and they can cope on that, and the youngest DC has just finished A levels so not long to go before it drops dramatically. But don't ever fall into the trap of assuming the amount an unmarried woman can get from her exP (CSA levels) is anywhere near what a exW can get if she gets a good solicitor. And your H would definately have a claim on your income even though you don't have DCs. Pray he gets a good job soon.

Never, never piss off a woman during a divorce unless you can afford it. And if he's earning less than £40k, he can't afford it.

AnAirOfHope Thu 10-Jan-13 15:47:57

If that is true then report to ss or police. It is illagel to be drunk and incharge of childern.

Snorbs Thu 10-Jan-13 16:32:46

It's not illegal to be drunk and in charge of children in your own home (although Social Services may take an interest). It is against the law to be drunk and in charge of children under the age of 7 while out in public.

AnAirOfHope Thu 10-Jan-13 16:39:03

shock The law needs to change.

InNeatCognac Thu 10-Jan-13 16:57:30

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

AnAirOfHope Thu 10-Jan-13 17:28:17

If you are too drunk to drive a car you are too drunk to look after a child on your own.

Nought wrong with a glass of wine but being drunk incharge of young children even at night when they are sleeping is wrong imho.

Alibabaandthe40nappies Thu 10-Jan-13 17:43:25

WTF? That is ridiculous.

You don't have to be drunk, or anywhere near it to be over the drink drive limit. It is still perfectly possible to look after your children hmm

DontmindifIdo Thu 10-Jan-13 18:16:27

AnAirOfHope - so you'd never have a couple of glasses of wine in the evening when your DCs are in bed??? When not pregnant, there's often a Friday or Saturday night when DH and I arne't fit to drive. Not so drunk as to have hangovers (well, not both of us, it's usually negotiated who's getting up with DS in the morning as the 3rd glass is being poured) but definately over the driving limit. It's pretty normal behaviour for the majority of parents of young DCs...

tink123 Thu 10-Jan-13 18:52:24

I have a few friends who are with ex-DP of someone with a child and most of them do pay over the odds. In fact a few pay all the mortgage costs for their ex-partner. I have never heard one of my friends question how much is being paid for dsd.

I think it is just part of the deal of being with someone from a previous relationship and their child is just as important as your future child.

Arisbottle Thu 10-Jan-13 21:49:20

I agree tink123. I suspect most parents that pay maintenance pay more than the CSA suggests if they can afford to do so.

AnAirOfHope Thu 10-Jan-13 22:06:16

Its ok to disagree with me.

No i would not drink when im looking after my children. The thought of cleaning sick up drunk or trying to deal with a sick child no i would not do it.

When my son was 2 he had a fit at night. At 10pm when i checked on him he was fine at 1am i was woken by tiny grunts i went in and he was fitting and i had to call 999. If i was drunk i would not have heard him the thought of him fitting alone in the dark when i was pissed or sleeping too heary to hear him is unacceptable to me. But then i dont drink anyway so its not a problem for me.

If someone else was pissed and looking after your child would you be ok with that? If your CM or nanny or the school teacher was pissed would you care?

LineRunner Thu 10-Jan-13 22:18:49

I think my point upthread was how easy and cynical is it for some critics of ExWives, for their own reasons, to equate the purchase of a bottle of wine a week with 'drinking all the time' and 'spending all the maintenance on drink'.

AnAirOfHope Thu 10-Jan-13 22:26:19

Disclainer: I mean pissed as in the room spins and you cant walk stright and you pass out or pee in the washing basket and not the loo type pissed. If your the only one in the house looking after baby or young children this type of pissed is stupid and dangerous imo.

No, you said over the legal limit for driving, AnAir. Completely different.

Fine if you don't drink at all. Equally fine if you drink and it puts you over the legal limit. As a parent, not as someone professionally employed to look after children.

LineRunner Thu 10-Jan-13 22:35:40

I agree with that, AnAirofHope, I don't think anyone wouldn't.

LineRunner Thu 10-Jan-13 22:39:03

I mean I agree that if you have a baby you shouldn't drink till you pass out.

AnAirOfHope Thu 10-Jan-13 22:52:17

For a law there would have to be a limit. How that limit was set i dont know - a few glasses of wine fine but to be pissed not fine?

Why expect less of a parent than someone employeed?

Im not going to row about it and i dont want to change your opioin but for me i wouldnt want a teacher or CM to have a few glasses of wine and look after my children so i wouldnt if i was the only adult looking after my children.

If i wanted to drink i would plan it so someone was looking after the children or just have one or two but then i wouldnt see the point and.not bother at all hmm

What you do is up to you.

Two might put you over the legal driving limit, AnAir, depending on body weight and what you'd had to eat.

I think if you don't 'see the point' of one or two drinks then maybe there are issues you need to work through at some point wrt alcohol.

Admirable that you have an awareness of excess alcohol intake and its impact on responsibility for children though.

Alibabaandthe40nappies Thu 10-Jan-13 23:33:07

Air - if you feel that one or two glasses is pointless and that the only thing worth doing is getting so plastered that you can't walk or see straight, then yes I can see why you would feel it necessary to steer clear of alcohol altogether when you are looking after your children.

The comparison with a CM or teacher drinking before doing their job is utterly fatuous.

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