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Benefits

(57 Posts)
Bubblenut Sun 23-Dec-12 19:56:17

I'm so frustrated and quite honestly ... Jealous!!!

I have a friend who started life with a child the same way I did but we took different paths. She is on benefits and works a few hours a week since some government proposal to get people into employment. We both had a child around the same time and her husband left her. I had to run from my partner and was abandoned by my family at the start for having a child out of wedlock.

We were both on benefits for about a year when our children were born - I decided to go back to uni to train in education. She didnt. She only took a job this year (our children are now 12). I calculated that I work 46 hours a week, never got to pick up or drop off my child, go on class trips etc - seems silly but things like that mean a lot to me and was a treat to my daughter on the rare occasions I could pick her up.

She was given a lovely flat in a nice area, this year alone went to Spain twice and New York once, bought her child a blackberry for Christmas, good music system etc.

I love my friend a lot and she is a great person but I feel so frustrated that now she has a new car!

My husband (not daughters biological father ) and I work our arses off in good jobs but can't afford to buy a house ... Not even a car which we desperately need! Our money is going down the drain on rent

How can that be? Surely we should have more to spend than she should on benefits!!! I just don't understand!

I'm at the point where I feel I made a mistake by going back to uni.

I feel like a cow for feeling this way but I feel so ticked off when I see her with lovely clothes and all these things while we work and work to cover bills etc.

I haven't read over this post as I'm fast typing my vent.

Am I being unreasonable feeling like this?

RedHelenB Tue 25-Dec-12 08:22:24

You wouldn't get a mortgage though if you weren't employed. DLA is given regardless of whether you work or not & is intended to help with your disability. (obviously if you are lying then there are no extra costs!!!!)

perceptionInaPearTree Mon 24-Dec-12 20:01:01

When my ex-h and I had our first baby dd quite a few years ago and under the last Labour government, my ex-h was on a training salary and we depended on tax credits and HB to get by. We had just enough money to cover food, rent and bills and no money to buy clothes for ourselves (we made sure dd had clothes). We certainly had no money for any luxuries at all. We had no car.

Under this government things are worse. So don't tell me people on benefits are rolling in it and it's all a big secret they try to keep quiet angry

perceptionInaPearTree Mon 24-Dec-12 19:53:44

'I have 3 friends with different family set up who are entirely better off on benefits than me and my husband are while working 120hrs a week between us.'

How do you know this methe? Do you actually see their bank accounts?

Oh bollocks. Was hoping this shite had fucked right off for Christmas.

Oh well. Hopefully those with the bigotry will feel some nice festive karma soon.

My Dad happened to phone when I was on here... the DW was working the DH was on DLA, they bought the house then both went on DLA. Then he was caught out.... sorry he always missed some details out!

JakeBullet Mon 24-Dec-12 17:06:25

No mortgage on just DLA as an income. He may have been working too...DLA is not an out of work benefit. Lots of people get it to help them carry on their daily lives. They might well use it to keep themselves in work.

This might also mean they are able to get a mortgage
My feeling is that he will have laid down a big lump sum. I get DLA for DS but I certainly could not afford to buy a £250k house ....even if I could get a mortgage.

suzydelarosa Mon 24-Dec-12 16:53:29

Here's the solution: hang around with people who work. Then you'll spend your time wondering why you're not making as much as your friends who have better incomes!

RedHelen

I have always thought this too, until last night, my Dad was telling me about a couple he knows, both on DLA, (more than Jobseekers and ELA) they bought a £250,000.00 house, he knows them from his school days, they were in the paper, the DH was caught out giving his garden a full revamp, caught laying slabs etc... he has to pay back 6 years benefits he claimed, he apparently had terrible back problems, or not as it would seem!

lubeybooby England Mon 24-Dec-12 15:46:23

She probably gets a load of maintenance from her ex. So what? She's allowed to keep it. or maybe she's good at saving. Maybe she already had savings or won a competition or scratchcard. Maybe her house and car and bills etc are all cheaper than yours and/or cheaper to run. Maybe her parents gift her stuff. Maybe a combination of all of that and she's just a very lucky woman.

It's nothing to do with you either way, and your jealousy makes you look horrific. Ugh.

RedHelenB Mon 24-Dec-12 15:41:11

It's your lives after the children reach 18 that will make the difference, that's when she will have to move to a smaller place in maybe not such a nice area . with no income whereas you will have a career, money etc. With a job you have a chance of owning a home, no chance of getting a mortgage on benefits.

I have also worked since I was 16 I am 39 now and on Benefits. It sucks... they just stop your money and you have beg for loans and tell them what you have spent your last weeks moneys on.

To the penny I have had to start writing down everything I buy, every £1 my son takes, just in case....

Lovely way to live not!!

lauriedriver Mon 24-Dec-12 08:00:44

Without getting lynched.....i think the point the op was making is that her friend probably has more DISPOSABLE income when you take into account council tax, rent, school dinners etc etc.

Playing devils advocate

Witchety Mon 24-Dec-12 07:53:43

Not been back to 'defend' her position has she!?

Coward....hmm

RubyrooUK Mon 24-Dec-12 07:48:11

I am not on benefits OP. I am one of those people who works very long hours with small children, misses important occasions and finds it hard to pay bills sometimes. I too get frustrated and annoyed by that.

But you know what? That is MY issue. That's life - it's not always easy.

And you know what, when I grew up my mum was on benefits because she was sick. It was shit. We didn't have anything. We were scared to spend any money. We all hated our money not really being "ours" and terrified that someone would take it away.

The number of people who are benefiting genuinely from the benefits system are very small. Most people - like the ones on this thread - live very modest lives and want to work. The benefits system is there to help when they can't or are unable to or the work isn't there.

I'm happy to pay my taxes for that. Because if I needed benefits myself, I'd want them to be there. And I wouldn't want to feel shit because friends were judging my spending. That's the point of the system - you put into the pot so those who need it (which might be you one day) can take it out.

I hope you don't need benefits ever yourself OP as it's not really a thrill for most people.

WinterLover Mon 24-Dec-12 07:28:53

I'd maybe guess you don't know the full facts. We're on benefits through no choice of our own and struggle to pay essential bills never mind Xmas presents for our kids and we haven't been on holiday since well never!!

I just love these threads! Merry Christmas!!

Sunnywithachanceofjinglebells Sun 23-Dec-12 22:51:54

Another benefits bashing thread.

Merry fucking Christmas. Have you ever been on benefits? It's shite.

moisturiser Sun 23-Dec-12 22:44:29

I have many friends on benefits (disabled). They are all having an utterly miserable time and finding life very difficult. I am worried for them.

There are occasionally very cheap flights to New York. If you are in a position where you can save, a holiday is possible and why shouldn't it be?

I think it's very likely she'd rather have a husband, have a career etc. than be single and able to go on nice holidays. Long term, it's miserable relying on government hand outs. Honest.

If I were you I would be shaking my fist at the government with regards house prices/no rent controls/poor policies which have led to a housing shortage which have all resulted in you struggling (let's face it, rents are ridiculous in many areas) rather than a friend who is on benefits. Where's it going to get you, being frustrated with her?

JakeBullet Sun 23-Dec-12 22:39:38

...AND I WORKED 30 YEARS PRIOR TO MARCH THIS YEAR . I'VE BEEN PAYING TAX LONGER THAN MOST OF YOU WHINGERS HAVE BEEN ON THIS EARTH.

[fed up with saying being on benefits is not the same as a decent regular income from work]

[fed up with justifying why I am no longer working]

[fed up with being made to feel a scrounger]

[fed up with the term "scrounger" which is just lazy arsed stereotyping]

usualsuspect3 Sun 23-Dec-12 22:38:01

Threads*

usualsuspect3 Sun 23-Dec-12 22:37:48

Can't you give it a fucking rest, it's christmas FFS.

Who are these bloody idiots that keep starting these thrwads anyway?

SantaIAmSoFuckingRock Sun 23-Dec-12 22:33:42

same here jake. but they wont listen. they dont want to hear it.

JakeBullet Sun 23-Dec-12 22:33:39

Fuck this. ..I am off to demand that goat I must be ENTITLED to hmm

JakeBullet Sun 23-Dec-12 22:31:39

"more spare money" methe. ...are you sure about that? I struggle AND I get extra because my son is disabled.

SantaIAmSoFuckingRock Sun 23-Dec-12 22:30:17

so quit whingeing. you clearly dont envy their lives that much if you had the option to live it and chose not to.

JakeBullet Sun 23-Dec-12 22:29:32

I am financially worse off out work. No lies, no fudging of issues my income is down even including housing benefit as I knew it would be.

Hope that keeps some of you happy and able to sleep tonight.hmm

This is a benefits bashing thread pure and simple so can I just shout loudly ....

I CANNOT AFFORD A NEW CAR
I CANNOT AFFORD TO GO TO NEW YORK.
I CAN'T AFFORD A HOLIDAY ....
I STRUGGLE IF MY CAR NEEDS REPAIRS....my son is autistic and not able to cope on public transport.
I CAN'T AFFORD NEW CLOTHES
I BUY FURNITURE SECOND HAND AND CLOTHES TOO
I DON'T BOTHER WITH HAIRDRESSERS UNTIL MY HAIR NO LONGER LOOKS "OKAY" EVEN WITH STRAIGHTENERS

YES I AM SHOUTING BECAUSE TOO MANY OF YOU ASSUME I AND ECERYONE ELSE ON BENEFITS ARE LIVING THE LIFE OF RILEY...I AM NOT AND NOR ARE MOST OTHERS I KNOW angry

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