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You'll find a way to manage .... how?

(43 Posts)
PinkPerks Sun 02-Dec-12 20:11:52

Hi all

I am a newbie and joined the site on recommedation from a friend to get some independant advice smile

A little bit about us. My OH (39 and I (32) have been together 16.5yrs, married for 3.5yrs. We own our own home and have 1 rescue cat called scampi x

I suffer from endrometriosis as well as PCSO. Both my mum, both grans, 3 aunts and my cousin have all had hystorectomys by the time they were 30. My mum and 2 aunts had cervical cancer and my gran had overian cancer. As you can see there is a history of cancer in both sides.

I have had abnormal smears since the age of 23. I have laser treatment once a year and need to have it again soon as again I have had 3 positive results again. My doctor is really now putting on the pressure about having children sooner rather than later as he feels that the way I am going, I will have a hystrectomy before I am 35.

Now if I could, i would have a child now but I am £13.5k in debt and I have about 29 months left before this is all paid off. My wages cover all bills excluding petrol and food. This is covered by my OH wages, when he has a job. Working for an agency, work is never gauranteed and he could work one week and be out of work for 3 :-(

My work only offer normal SMP which means I would loose approx £800 a month. We could not cover this. I am lucky if I have £5 left a month and this could not save enough to cover maternity pay.

What I am fustrated about is when people say "oh no kids yet? Do you think that's fair on your OH?" !!!

I have read lots of threads and people who say you just manage but what I would like to ask you all is how do you just manage? How can you cover £800 a month drop and keep a roof over your head?

I feel like a let down as a woman and desperately would love to have a child but I feel this weight of debt will rob me of our chance.

Thank you for reading this and whilst I know I wont get an instant solution, it would make me feel better getting some advice and support from people who have been in my situation xx

Cheers PinkPerks xx

Adversecamber Thu 07-Mar-13 22:29:00

Not many bosses like yours, really glad you updated op with such good news.

thesnootyfox Thu 07-Mar-13 11:46:05

Lots of people said to us that we would find a way to manage. If sleepless nights worrying about lack of money and never having a penny to do anything is managing then I guess we are. Usually the people who come out with this line are fairly comfortable.

If I had my time again I would have had good financial plans in place before having a family.

PrincessOfThemyscira Tue 05-Mar-13 09:39:41

What a lovely boss you have!

charlearose Tue 05-Mar-13 09:28:51

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

DontmindifIdo Mon 04-Mar-13 20:19:00

Great you've found a way through! Has your DH found a new job or is he still looking?

PinkPerks Mon 04-Mar-13 20:11:16

Hi all x

Since starting this thread, things have changed for us for the good :-D

My boss has agreed to pay off my high costing debt and written a contract so I pay him interest free!! OMG!! This means that we will be debt free in Jan next year. It also means that we have worked out that to cover us for the 9 months maternity drop, what we were paying in debt from Jan till month due will cover us!!!

To say I am happy is an understatement :-D I will now move over to the planning on TTC board.

Thank you so so so so much for listening (or reading lol) to me. It helped and I really appreciate your words of advice xxx

Adversecamber Thu 03-Jan-13 15:08:48

There have been quite a few threads about affording dc and I am very much try and pay off debts and be sensible first. I really think with the medical conditions you have that you don't really have much of a choice and your DH needs to understand fully the implications.

Looking through the advice you have had you do need a lodger and your BIL can sleep his hangovers off elsewhere. Get earplugs to help with DH snoring and unless he can get a better paid job he will need to be the SAHP. I can see why you don't want to return to work so quickly. My niece in the States got 12 weeks paid maternity, apparently that is generous much to my shock. Better a small period of ML than the alternative.

Good luck

whattodoo Tue 01-Jan-13 16:00:07

I'd really try to get your DH to reconsider the lodger option. It is such a simple solution.

What suggestions does your DH have? Does he want to start a family as much as you do?

If you have several debts, the last of which finishes in 29 months, can't you overpay that debt with the money you'll free up when some of the earlier debts are finished?

Could you do yourself a spreadsheet budget for the next 36 months, so that you can see when debts are paid off and how much cash will be 'free'?

With endo and pcso, you might find it takes a while to conceive, you can't plan to the exact month!

lizzywig Tue 01-Jan-13 15:38:40

It's really hard to see through these things sometimes but try to imagine those blocks weren't there and read what people have said again.

Why doesn't DH want a lodger? That could be the difference between you having a family or not. Would you end up resenting him if that were the case? How about renting a parking space to commuters - look it up its a real thing! Or advertising on your car.

What if you did go on mat leave and have that cut in salary,.would the debt management people take you then?

Could an option to pay smaller repayments on your debt? Eg my cc bill is £1.2k. My minimum payment is £30/month but i'll pay £350/month. Its 0% so this month I'll pay £100 & save 250 because I'm being made redundant in a few months and want to save a buffer. Could u do that?

Good luck.

PinkPerks Mon 31-Dec-12 12:58:20

Thank you for all your comments. I will address them below:
Our house is in negative equity so selling is not an option. Also whilst your in negative equity you are not able to remortgage. We don't have sky, just freeview. Our mobiles totals £15 a month on a 30 day rolling contract (really good deal with Virgin - who we have been with for 10+ yrs)

The lodger is a great idea but OH has put his foot down and said no.

The car is not a new one and we had it valued at £2k the loan is £3,450 so cant do that ether.

Fakeblondie your not being blunt but it is easy to get into debt. This debt has built up over 15 years, from stupid decisions when I was not as wise as I am now and also whilst my OH was off injured and not entitled to help, I had to cover everything on a lower wage than I am on now.

I am not on CCCS and the 29 payments are the longest it will take to pay my longest loan (Aug 15) CCCS was not able to help as we can cover the minimum amounts.

It feels like I am putting up blocks but these are blocks I cannot move.

I cannot work in a pub for obvious reasons :-D

Thank you for your comments but it will have to wait until the debt has gone x Happy new year to you all x

porthcurnick Mon 31-Dec-12 09:12:57

I agree with nextphase write down everything you spend on here or another thread.

You mention a car loan, so is there a decent car that could be sold? Any contract phones, sky tv, gym?

Would it be worth getting a different loan over a longer period of time? I would suggest putting it on mortgage but you mentioned negative equity.

We manage by having one very old car, PAYG mobiles not used very often, very, very rare new clothes for adults, children's clothes are all asda/tesco, hand-me downs etc - a lot of people on here seem to use ebay or charity shops for clothes, I never find ours very good.

I accept any second-hand things people offer me gratefully, you can always sort through after.

We are currently on a £250 a month shopping budget for 2 adults, 3 children, that just about leaves £150 a month for anything else that isn't a bill, ie clothes, haircuts, car repairs/tax, household repairs/replacements, birthdays, christmas, school trips, days out, anything spent in town etc etc etc.

Although I think you are right that until your DH has a permanant job you are going to struggle.

nextphase Mon 31-Dec-12 08:40:06

I'd go with the lodger, or a second job. You've mentioned work won't allow it. Have you spoken to anyone re a bar job or stacking shelves a weekends and evenings to try and clear debt? Usually second job clauses relate to similar fields? Or can your DH get a job like that to supplement his income til he finds a permanent job? I know new jobs are like hens teeth at the moment, but a friend in the midlands has just got her second administrator job this year, having been a SAHM for years, so there are some about. Have you been trying for a new job?

Other things to look at: have you checked your on the cheapest deal for gas, elec, phone etc?

Have you been through your bank statements and checked you need everything going out? No old gym memberships etc?

And then write down EVERYTHING you spend for a month, and see where the money is going. If your prepared to list it all on a thread in the credit crunch topic, there are usually people who will suggest where cutbacks might be possible.

Sorry if the above has been done before.

peggyblackett Mon 31-Dec-12 08:24:31

The lodger idea is a no brainer. You could get a couple of them in, and as someone else said your DH could take the attic room if he is snoring. Don't delay trying to conceive over this. Small Midland town or not, you could be getting £600 a month (most of that tax free) and help with paying the bills.
Good luck.

we found when we had the kids we spent a lot less money on things, I was made redundant and became a sahm which we would never have thought we could manage. You say you are with CCCS, I presume someone did a proper budget with you. You need to look at that budget or make a new one and you will be amazed what you could probably sahve of it. Could you sell the car and buy a cheaper one? or even live without a car, cars take up such a lot of money.

Loveweekends10 Mon 31-Dec-12 08:09:43

I think you should have your children. You will regret it if you don't then aren't able to.

fakeblondie Sun 30-Dec-12 22:04:13

Sorry to be blunt but why are you 13 grand in debt esp if you have no children ?
Sell your house and pay off the debts ??
You must be living way beyond your means and i`m sorry but 13 thousand pounds !
Do cash and if you dont have it you go without.
There is no price on a baby btw you will manage and never look back because of the absolute completeness and joy you will have-you need to make life long changes tho not just for 9 months . I`d rather live in a tent with my family than a mansion with none if that makes sense-but then i would choose to own my tent .

yousmell Sun 30-Dec-12 20:46:04

Share the house and split the bills equally. Get three lodgers in

yousmell Sun 30-Dec-12 20:43:32

remortgage? cover the debts and start a fresh. Don't delay trying to conceive.

lalalonglegs Wed 12-Dec-12 22:21:52

I'd think about a lodger again, at least until you have your baby (I'm not sure too many lodgers want to share a house with a new-born grin). Give the lodger the spare double and sleep in the single room yourself as you only need it for actual sleep - all your clothes etc are presumably stored in your other double room. I don't know where you live but if it's anywhere that you could charge a few hundred a month for, you'd make a good-sized hole in your debt.

Good luck with everything smile

PinkPerks Wed 12-Dec-12 22:08:00

RE The lodger ..
Whilst this is a normally good idea, it would not work. one of the bedrooms is acutally an attic which has been converted. You could not get a bed in there but an airbed is ok. It is not classed as a bedroom but OH brother likes to sleep there when he is over and had too much to drink.
One of the other rooms is soo small it would be classed as a box room. We could get a small kids bed or cot in there but not a single bed.
The other room has a double but I use this most nights due to OH snoring. Until he has his op for this ..... (tried a peg on his nose and it didnt work lol)

We dont live in London (luckly) but in a small town in the midlands.

Sub thanks hunni for your support. I am already a member of this club and under the care of a gyno specialist called Prof. Gary Barlow ha ha ha

OH has been desperately looking for work but it is so hard at the moment. We are just survivig on 2 shops a month and batch cooking/mums cooking lol

I cant even get a second job as my main work does not permit it ... I work as an administrator which is not high paying but it is something I am good at and the get free holiday to italy once a year smile Work dont do part time so OH would stay at home once little on was born.

I have worked out that with MP and CB we would have £580 a month after the 90% for 6 weeks. Also we would lose £400 for those 6 weeks. This would lose us £800 a month short and we could not cover this .... even for 1 month

1st loan finishes in March 2014. This would free up £150 a month so could start putting this aside but this is obviously eating into the ticking timebomb my doc has stressed to me is almost up ....

Lets hope for a lotto win ... 5 numbers would do ... I am not greedy lol

Phineyj Wed 12-Dec-12 21:49:03

I second the idea of a lodger - you can earn just under £5k tax free that way. If you're in a city (London especially) you could try one of those Monday to Friday room arrangements for people commuting in for work, so they're not around at the weekends.

NewFerry Wed 12-Dec-12 21:46:22

A lodger is an excellent idea. You can earn up to £4250 from a lodger without paying any extra tax, I understand. So if you had a lodger before/while you were pregnant, this would cover your lost income for 5 months while you are at home with a baby.

suburbophobe Wed 12-Dec-12 21:42:48

I'm so sorry to hear of your endo. I've had it (and now have a DS, took about 5+ years after treatment tho).

Are you getting good treatment for it? (I presume you are). I took hormones for about 9 months that mimicked pregnancy.

Do you know about the Endometriosis Society? I think you'll find lots of info and support on there.

www.endometriosis-uk.org/

You've had lots of good advice on the finance aspect so I won't add to it as I don't live in UK.

VerlaineChasedRimbauds Wed 12-Dec-12 21:39:47

Could you not consider a lodger, or more than one, if you have 4 bedrooms?

googlenut Wed 12-Dec-12 21:30:37

If you really want a baby you are going to have to think about going back to work soon after birth. Perhaps you could look at going back part time at first- what do you do?

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