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Drowning big time

(10 Posts)
vicki2010 Sun 30-Sep-12 16:27:52

Cut a long story short,we have two children on low income and I am now struggling to find work as a self employed person, after being together for 12 years out debts have finally reached a point where we are literally paying min payments and that only just covers the interest! My inlaws who are lovely,kind generous people would be horrified at our financial situation have just inherited some money...now I am embarrassed about our situation and by no means want them to bail us out but I am making myself ill worrying about it all!
Should i ask them for help? Husband a bit proud as they have already given so much but I don't know where to turn,to make things worse they have promised to help us buy our first home to which they announce last week we can start looking but all I keep thinking is they are going to have a fit when they realise our situation.....
What I want to know us, has anyone been in a similar situation where they have just outrightly said their in trouble to the inlaws? And what has been the outcome?
To make things worse,we are going on an all expenses trip paid for by them to Florida in three weeks and we keep having to pretend we're really excited when deep down were worrying about going as have nearly no spending money And can't afford to buy the kids or ourselves any summer clothing!

Get onto CCCS or other debt counselling service, they will help you sort out a repayment plan you can manage.

ALso, can you Ebay stuff, or pawn your jewellery?

Pancakeflipper Sun 30-Sep-12 16:33:56

This all depends on your relationship with them. My Inlaws would hate for us to be really struggling and us not tell them. They wouldn't bail us out but they would certainly help us find our way out it. We are family and we help each other out.

I wouldnt tell my own parents as that is a totally different situation.

And as a mother I would want my kids even as adults to come to us when things were tough. I might not have a magic wand but I would hope to help even if it was in small ways like buying the kids some clothing, making extra large casseroles and passing on the extra to their freezer etc. And it might help to just talk about it - they might have some ideas that you haven't thought of yet.

Talk to them. Don't expect a fix but I should think they'd be hurt not knowing. And any help is a bonus.

OnlyWantsOne Sun 30-Sep-12 16:35:59

Firstly I would make sure you sort a plan. Contact CCCS (consumer credit councilling service )

Yes speak to your ILs. Don't ask them for help initially but it would be helpful to have some one to talk to & they will then know about things whilst you are on holiday.

CogitoErgoSometimes Sun 30-Sep-12 16:58:48

I would also suggest talking to one of the free debt counselling services and taking steps to manage the problem yourself first.... then talking to the in-laws once you've done that. Like others, I would want my DC to feel they could come to me if they were in trouble BUT I would want to know that they were taking responsibility for themselves rather than relying on me for a bail out.

If they're offering to help you buy a home then they're already comfortable with the idea of giving you money. But if you need to pay off your debts more than you need a house, you need to present them with the full story.

vicki2010 Sun 30-Sep-12 19:09:12

Exactly,I don't think we can go along with the house buying business whilst were in this situation, I have been advised by friends to talk to them as some of them have also said they would prefer to know even if they couldn't help just talking about it and using other ideas....as far as CCcs concerned one of the most stressful things is us trying to keep out credit rating good for the house buying but I know deep down the doo daaa will hit the fan once they know our situation but I expect you are right they should prob know!
And we have soooo taken responsibility for it,it's absolutely no one else's fault except ours!!

THing is, you can talk to CCCS and get advice from them without committing yourself to anything; they won't and can't take action without your written permission. GIve them a ring tomorrow - or google them tonight and do the online assessment thingy (which, again, doesn't commit you to anything). That will help you get a clearer idea of where you stand.

CogitoErgoSometimes Mon 01-Oct-12 07:15:59

I understand what you're saying about your credit rating but, as you're already 'drowning' by your own admission, if you take on more debt on the strength of an artificially high credit rating, it might be a short-term victory but it would only be adding to your problems. Take a few months to get advice, get on top of your existing debts and accumulate a few savings - and that's probably going to mean help from the in-laws if you want to avoid things like IVAs - your credit rating won't suffer and, when you get your first home, you'll be able to relax in it. Home ownership comes with many more costs beyond the mortgage. You have to budget for those as well.

vicki2010 Mon 01-Oct-12 20:34:52

Good advice thank you! I agree we wouldn't be in a very good position buying a house if we still have these debts, I think we will be talking to the inlaws but can't decide whether to wait until after the holiday, after all it may ruin it for them which we def don't want as they've done so much and were extremely grateful to be going.

wafflingworrier Mon 01-Oct-12 20:54:31

please don't make yourself ill by worrying! it sounds like they are wanting to help you and realise things are tight. i am sure they would be really horrified if they realised they are adding to your stress. i think all of the above is great advice as i think part of the worry for you is that you don't feel in control, whereas if you have a chance to assess all the depts and have a clear idea of them you can start to regain control because you can come up with a plan to clear them. i have some amazing friends who got themselves out of £10,000 worth of debt with the help of a charity called "christians against poverty", so you could check that one out too if you want.
with the holiday i think just see if a chance comes to chat beforehand and if not chat while you are away, being honest will make you feel loads better and either way i am sure your inlaws want you to have a nice time with them no strings attached, so try not to feel bad

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