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Q&A with Christina Blacklaws, Director of family law at Co operative legal services - ANSWERS BACK

(71 Posts)
RachelMumsnet (MNHQ) Wed 19-Sep-12 11:35:06

We're running a Q&A this week  with Christina Blacklaws, Director of Family Law at The Co-operative Legal Services. She's going to be taking  your questions and offering advice on all legal issues that affect the family, such as breaking up, getting together, children, financial issues and domestic abuse.
Christina has over 20 years experience in all aspects of family law. Prior to The Co-operative Legal Services, she founded and managed the largest specialist family law practice in London. She qualified as a solicitor in 1991 and is a higher rights advocate and solicitor specialising in complex child care cases. She is a Law Society Council member, Chair of the Society's Legal Affairs and Policy Board and Chief Assessor of the Children Panel.
Post your questions to Christina before the end of Tuesday 25 September and we'll link to the archived Q&A from this thread on 4 October.

This Q&A is sponsored by The Co-operative Legal Services

NiniLegsInTheAir Wed 19-Sep-12 11:44:11

How do we put our questions to Christina?

crackcrackcrak Wed 19-Sep-12 11:59:48

Yes how? I have an urgent one please

olgaga Wed 19-Sep-12 12:19:11

I think you should keep this at the top of "Legal Matters" so that as many people as possible see it!

OhNoMyFoot Wed 19-Sep-12 12:20:37

Thanks for this as I have one I have been pondering.

What is the best way to sort out a will when one person has children from a previous relationship? Only asset is really going to be the joint (mortgaged) house, thinking of all the various scenarios, if it makes a difference the older children are adults, the second family ones are dependent.


Pinkforever Wed 19-Sep-12 13:03:24

Yes I have one-I am a sahm. Our mortgage is in dh's name and he pays all the bills/food etc. Would I be entitled to half the proceeds of house if we divorced? also if I can ask another question-would I be able to stay in the home-we have dcs-and would he have to continue to pay the mortgage?

I am in scotland btw.Thanks.

Fifi782005 Wed 19-Sep-12 13:56:05

Hi there ,
I have a question , myself and my partner (still together) are respondents to a court application for paternal grandmothers request to see our son which we oppose , no relationship to protect as never met and we as adults have no contact for a number of years . Long story short due partners own abusive childhood cafcass have reccomended only indirect contact until our son maybe of an age to possibly want to pursue a relationship. Mil not happy with outcome so going to final directions hearing !
This is having a considerable affect on our home life and would like to know if there is anyway to prevent further applications being made to protect our sons childhood being dragged through the courts ?

We are united in our desision but feel we have no rights as parents and have been told by our cafcass officer that she couldn't challenge a number of the statements we put to her regarding our sons upbringing and welfare.
We have no legal representation and have difficulty finding information as these cases are usually where the parents have seperated . Any advice in this area would be gratefully recieved
Thank you for your time

MrsjREwing Wed 19-Sep-12 14:15:46

How does my dd go about getting support from her Father towards Uni fee's?

When is the best time to apply to court and how much percentage of his income could she expect?

I couldn't get it on court order at final hearing, was told his circumstances may change. No idea where he is living, he has no contact.

MOSagain Wed 19-Sep-12 14:18:49

fantastic! The regular family lawyers can take a few days off wink

babybarrister Wed 19-Sep-12 17:00:47

Yes a holiday grin - why have they chosen just the one firm though rather than say resolution?!wink

MOSagain Wed 19-Sep-12 17:14:55

Good point babybarrister, I had thought advertising wasn't allowed on MN wink

BoyMeetsWorld Wed 19-Sep-12 17:24:06

My main question's already been asked i.e how a Will works mainly involving a shared mortgage with dependent from previous relationship. In our case, however, also subsequent DCs from joint relationship. DH now pays mortgage payments however i paid more than half the original deposit.

Also...regarding ExP and father of child. Currently has LO (4 years old) 2 days pw with one overnight. Will go to alternative nights from school age. ExP stated wants more access to LO. Actually not HIM who wants this but paternal grandma. She lives v close to him and the majority of time LO is at dads he's actually with her instead. We live over 2 hours away and ExP works off hours / days - all days except Sun & Mon, from 7am-8pm. What would they be granted if it ever came to it? Is alt weekends plus shared holidays (stays getting longer as LO gets older, currently having 7 days max in hols) reasonable?

Many thanks!

olgaga Wed 19-Sep-12 17:28:13

Maybe they responded to this:

I think it's a marvellous idea, and most people who come here for advice and give advice will find it interesting and useful. Alternatively, they can enjoy the day off! grin

Mellower Wed 19-Sep-12 17:37:18

I have one:
I am in Scotland

If and man is living with his girlfriend and her children are in Care due to him and misgivings over voilence/abuse and drugs, then why is it not appropriate for his conditions living with this family to be brought into consideration when going to Court for access to his own children?

Or is my Solicitor missing something here?

I would have thought it would be vital to know his circumstances with one family before making a decision about his own children, no matter how much he claims he has changed and just how much input does a 12 year old child have into the final decision?

Thank you smile

thank you.

13YearsOn Wed 19-Sep-12 17:46:12

I wish to leave my partner due to emotional and financial abuse and him being controlling. We have a 2 year old DD.

He owns the house and pays the mortgage and most bills. I am a SAHM which we both agreed on.

I have no money of my own. I will go back to work but may have to just walk out with DD at sometime soon.

We can stay with family but not for long.

It will be nasty and he will fight fir custody. Does he have to provide a roof over our heads or just pay maintenance for DD?

LadySybildeChocolate Wed 19-Sep-12 18:19:55

Hi smile

I need to get a REMO order, but I can't afford a solicitor to sort this out. Is is something that I can do myself? There's no original court order in place and the non-resident parent is in the Irish Republic.

Thank you.

ThinThinker Wed 19-Sep-12 18:57:17

i want my dh to have PR of my ds (previous relationship)
he has PR of our dd (child of marriage)
he has lived with ds (4) for 3 years now
ex has fortnightly contact only
i wish it to be 3 ways, not to remove it from ex, just to add dh,
ex says no, what do i need to do?

Numbthumbs Wed 19-Sep-12 19:29:38

I am a SAHM and not married to my partner yet. We have a young DD and i am pregnant with our 2nd DC. Our mortgage and all bills are in joint names as i was earning the most before having DC's.
If we split (hopefully this will never happen but worth thinking about) what happens to custody of the children? Do i automatically get it because i am the primary caregiver or does he because he earns the money?


Bintang Wed 19-Sep-12 21:23:47

If a married couple separate/divorce, do they have to re-do their wills, even if all beneficiaries will remain the same? (we're in England)

nailak Wed 19-Sep-12 22:09:51

what is the evidence needed to charge someone for breaking an injunction?

if someone breaks an injunction and says the other person invited them to visit what is the procedure?

alto1 Wed 19-Sep-12 22:11:56

My elderly mother moved in with us three years ago. She contributed nothing to the house purchase but she pays a small contribution towards bills.

We get along fairly well now, after a rocky start but we have no formal agreement. Should we have? I looked online and on the websites of various old age charities for guidance on the legalities of our situation but I didn't find anything suitable.

I'm aware that she has no security of tenure and I have no protection if she turns on me, or becomes paranoid (as her father did towards her).

I'd be grateful if you could point me to any guidance.

Thanks in advance

lolo99 Wed 19-Sep-12 22:45:43

the father of the child I am carrying has emailed me (no face to face contact wanted by him) to say he is refusing any contact and will hopefully be moving abroad soon. will the csa still be able to help me get child support payments? This will be why he is opting to work abroad asap. I am worried that I will have no address either for them to find him as I never even met his mum in the 6 months we were dating. In a search online, I found his new employer ( a job he started when I was with him) and he is on their website as an employee but if he leaves for a new job as he says, then that address (work) won't be valid either. I don't know what I need to do or where I stand?

mum21boy Wed 19-Sep-12 22:53:34

My husband has dual citizenship....IF we were to divorce how do I prevent him from taking our two dc abroad back to his home country? And what rights do I have re custody? I'm classified as the primary career but earn less than he does.

If we have differing views on our wills would it make sense for me to make my own one? Especially on matters concerning our can I guarantee that mine precedes his? If that is possible at all.

And if I won the lottery whilst married and we were to split does that mean he gets rights to that win? I understand that everything after a marriage is usually split fifty fifty?

combinearvester Wed 19-Sep-12 23:09:20

Do fathers without PR have any right to any information on their (non-resident) child? E.g. from school, doctors etc?

RachelMumsnet (MNHQ) Wed 19-Sep-12 23:25:30


How do we put our questions to Christina?

So sorry I just spotted this - post your questions on this thread and we'll be sending 20 questions over to Christina next week. I've amended the opening post to make this clearer and apologise if there was any confusion.

olgaga Thu 20-Sep-12 08:14:38

I heard Christina Blacklaws on R4 Today programme this morning. I think it's marvellous that Mumsnet has managed to link with such an authoritative voice in Family Law, particularly in relation to relationship breakdown and cohabiting couples.

This is Christina quoted in The Guardian today:

Blacklaws, who is director of family law at the Co-operative Legal Services, said: "Although many people still believe they have rights as common-law spouses, there is no such status in law. As a result, some cohabiting families may find themselves facing real difficulties should they split up, particularly when there are children involved.

"It is clear that this area of family law is in urgent need of an overhaul. However, in the meantime, people need to think carefully about how they protect themselves and their families – preferably by reaching and signing agreements about what would happen if you did split up. This could save a huge amount of cost and heartache if the worst happens."

I will be including a link to the Co-op Legal Services website in my lengthy and growing post which frequently appears in response to queries on the "Legal Matters" and "Relationships" thread. Not only do they have a really informative website, they are expanding their family law services and offering fixed-fee arrangements.

Well done Mumsnet!

olgaga Thu 20-Sep-12 08:29:37

I also have a question for Christina:

With the recent announcement that the definition of domestic abuse is to be widened to include emotional/financial abuse and coercive, controlling behaviour, does Christina think this will have an impact in Family Law in the consideration of Residence/Contact (Child Arrangements) Orders?

At the moment, it seems that abuse short of physical violence is routinely overlooked by the courts. Some legal professionals appear to collude in this, as we see from many posts on Mumsnet that people involved in these proceedings are often told it isn't worth raising this "low level abuse" as an issue, because the courts will ignore it and they themselves will be seen as "unreasonable".

This leads to children and resident parents being subjected to contact with former spouses who routinely engage in such behaviour.

Does she anticipate a much-needed culture change in the Family Courts now that the damaging nature of "low level abuse" has been formally acknowledged?

PostBellumBugsy Thu 20-Sep-12 09:22:51

My issue for Christina.

First, the background:
I got divorced in 2005. Very regretably had to take ex-H to court for financial settlement, as he would not attend mediation or try to reach an out of court agreement. At court, as well as the split of the house, maintenance was agreed. After a short period of spousal maintenance, so I could remain part-time while the children were pre-primary, the maintenance was set at 20% of his net salary, as it was in 2005.
Since then our eldest son has been diagnosed with autism and he now attends a special school. The school is fee paying, and is financially crippling for me. Ex-H says that he does not have to contribute to these fees because they are "discretionary" and our son could go to a state school. To add insult to injury, his children by his second wife have just started at a very expensive prep-school. ex-H has also done very well in his job & has been promoted a number of times in the last 7 years, which I would imagine means a salary increase too.

Now the questions:
1. Should I consider approaching CMEC to see if I could get more money from ex-H?
2. If I did get more money via CMEC, would this negate the financial order made in court?
3. Our son is not registered disabled, but does have a proper diagnosis of autism, made by an NHS child psychologist - does this have any bearing on ex-H's contributions?
4. Should I consider going back to court?

Any advice you could offer me, would be fantastic.

Collaborate Thu 20-Sep-12 09:28:06

Just wanted to respond to the above post by Olgaga (without it resulting in a bun fight). What lawyers and knowledgeable non-lawyers on the legal topic have posted is that domestic abuse does not automatically equate to no contact, and that the courts have to routinely weigh on the one hand the risk associated with a child continuing a relationship with the father who has been abusive to the mother, and on the other hand the damage that will be caused to the child by there being no contact. Usually courts deal with this by managing contact so that the parents do not come in to contact with each other. The courts often expect the father to address his offending behaviour by seeking therapy.

NiniLegsInTheAir Thu 20-Sep-12 09:28:33

Thanks Rachel. smile

My question - I am considering separation from my husband - married 3 years, DD is nearly 2, as he is emotionally and financially abusive and has been physically abusive also in the past (police are aware). One of the major reasons I am feeling unable to leave at the moment is because we still have a fixed term rate on our mortgage until Dec 2013 with a penalty clause if we sell before then.

Ideally I'd like to stay in the house with DD without my husband until the fixed rate expires and then sell the house. But I also know he would never agree to that. I can't afford to move out and rent (we have separate bank accounts and pool our money only for joint purchases/bills. He earns more than me and has savings, I have a few grands worth of personal debt). Would he have to agree to this setup in order for it to happen?

This is complicated I know but trying to keep it brief so I don't clog up the thread. I'll be very grateful for any advice.

babybarrister Thu 20-Sep-12 09:59:01

All of you who have enquired about issues in Scotland should be aware that this lady only appears to be qualified in England and Wales ( which is perfectly normal -not a criticism) . Sill not therefore be able to give any detailed advice on Scottish issues as their family law is extremely different, particularly re money ...

olgaga Thu 20-Sep-12 10:12:35


Believe it or not Co-op Legal Services, of which "this lady" is a Director, has a presence in Scotland and Northern Ireland - where they use approved panel solicitors.

But I'm sure everyone will consider themselves well and truly warned.

olgaga Thu 20-Sep-12 10:22:47

Thanks for that Collaborate. Just for clarification, it was actually explained like this:

"In cases when the abuse is low level it's unlikely that no contact would be deemed in the best interests of children. The courts can put measures in place to make contact work such as handovers at a neutral venue, supervised contact, contact in a contact centre, conditions attached to the contact order, Separated Parent Information Programmes, anger management or courses for DV perpetrators. I can't see that changing."

(My italics).

The point is, some of us do see that changing through the increased involvement and action of the police, the CPS and other support agencies long before the family courts come to consider applications for orders. Maybe the family courts won't be so keen to disregard "low level abuse" if it has led to a criminal conviction. Maybe even some family lawyers will stop dismissing such conduct as irrelevant - which is the experience of some posters.

It won't change overnight, no. It will change though, and it's a change which is long overdue.

babybarrister Thu 20-Sep-12 11:45:29

Olgaga - I know that but the lady herself who is answering the questions is not qualified in Scotland! - fwiw nor am I grin

olgaga Thu 20-Sep-12 11:57:46

Yes, I did read your first post.

Mellower Thu 20-Sep-12 12:16:23

Aww no Scottish help! sad

olgaga Thu 20-Sep-12 12:22:26

Mellower ask away, don't be put off.

Mellower Thu 20-Sep-12 12:46:15

I qasked down below but if she is from England mine won't be one of the 20 question I fear!

<wanders off feeling sorry forself wondering why my mum moved from Engerland, well then she wouldn't have met my father then there would be no me> grin

Sorry! As you were....

Mellower Thu 20-Sep-12 12:51:19

I also asked!

Jogg Thu 20-Sep-12 13:25:25

hi it is most def worth getting your will checked to see if it needed updating after any significent life event such as divorce, child birth, becoming a grandparent etc etc

emmasonny Thu 20-Sep-12 13:49:04

How much does it cost to go to court to sort out access, PR etc etc?

NicJohn Thu 20-Sep-12 18:45:48

I am guarantor for my daughter's mortgage. She is not paying the mortgage - she hasn't paid for two months now and is refusing to take my calls. I am paying two mortgages of my own and I am facing redundancy at my work for the second time in a year. I have tried to explain to her that she is ruining my credit rating but she is not interested in that. I can't handle the stress and I am very worried about my finances. Help - what can I do?

ToothbrushThief Thu 20-Sep-12 22:11:20

What can a person legally do to protect their financial health/wealth on a remarriage when they a) have DC b) own their own house and c) new partner has his property which he would rent out but move into hers

Gladwys Fri 21-Sep-12 09:22:10

Thanks for providing this. My same sex partner and I adopted in 2004, when only one person in a sex same relationship could adopt, so my partner is named as our DDs adoptive parent and I obtained PR shortly after.

We never got round to me adoping DD (spectre of social services was still looming large) when the law changed.

I would like to be DDs adoptive parent too, rather than have no legal ties to her after she hits 16, but things are now complicated as my partner and I are now separated. We have an amicable separation with 50/50 shared residency of our DD.

Would it be possible for me to adopt DD with my ex still also being her adoptive parent?

Wittsend13 Fri 21-Sep-12 22:41:49

I have a question for Christina,

If you get a court order for maintenance in the ROI and the amount granted by the judge is far less than it should be because the non resident parent who lives in the UK has lied and hidden money and you can prove this, can you then go to the CSA if both parents are GB residents and have them recalculate the payments? Or must you stick to what the court decided?

RememberImAWomble Sat 22-Sep-12 12:07:20

A Hague Convention question on behalf of a British friend:

She lives in Turkey with not-so-DH and 2 DCs & suffers physical abuse from DH. Home is a building shared with DH's extended family who support DH, and as friend has no independent means or family here she feels she can't safely go through the divorce process here - while she <might> ultimately succeed in divorcing and win custody of the kids she can't house or feed herself or them in the meantime. She's sole carer; DH has put the kids at risk while attacking their mum; and the kids are less than one, and nearly 3 years old.

If she gets the kids to the UK (where she would undertake divorce and custody proceedings while living with her mum) would she have any defence if DH invoked the Hague Convention to try and get the kids back?

Caliente62 Sat 22-Sep-12 14:16:50

My husband is agreeing to 30% deferred equity in our house until our youngest daughter finishes her A levels. His solicitors have added my cohabiting with someone for more than six months as a trigger to his repayment. Do I have to agree? He is not currently paying me any child maintenance and has paid me nothing at all for 12 months. I have been left to pay all bills, mortgage and all costs relating to our children.

momnotmum Sat 22-Sep-12 20:56:28

My husband and I are separated. What permission/documentation might I need to move abroad with my children?

CremeEggThief Sun 23-Sep-12 11:35:33

My H's grandfather passed away soon after we separated. I haven't filed for divorce yet. Would I, or better still, DS, be entitled to a share of any inheritance?

NettleTea Sun 23-Sep-12 19:23:04

I have a question please.

Background (much condensed).
I divorced my EA husband in 2002, my DD was just 2 at the time. contact was sporadic, as was maintanance, and he continued to use DD as a way to control/punish me. In 2006 she witnessed a DV incident with his then partner and was too frightened to see him again. He threatened me with legal action, but I saw a solicitor as he was bluffing. Contact was stopped until he was prepared to address the issues, and as a result he didnt see her for over 3 years, during which time he went abroad and had another child with the gf. We had one attempt at mediation where he verbally abused me and I was left sick and shaken. During this period DD had involvedment with CAMHs due to anxiety, fear and behaviour issues associated with what happened and his apparant rejection.
In mid 2009 he turned up at the school and expected to just resume contact as and when. I returned to my solicitor to take up where things had left off, and again he refused to engage. I took out a prohibitive steps order, which was granted in 2010, which prevented him going to her school or removing her from my care without written consent. At the hearing he pressed for contact, and we agreed to supervised contact for 2 hours fortnightly with my mother.
Again, contact has been less than this. Sometimes due to holidays by my mother, but more often because he calls off with excuses, many which seem unlikely. Often he doesnt manage the 2 hours, but makes excuses. During contact he has often run me down to DD if they are close and my mother is far - such as swimming, etc. DD is scared of him and often agrees to stuff because she is frightened to say no. She has witnessed him several times exploding in rages to restaurant/shop staff or to my mother if she says something he doesnt like. he is erratic and volatile and it is very likely that he is involved in drugs (using and selling) and previously he has been involved in prostitution.
2 contact visits ago my mother foolishly left him alone with her for 10 mins. He told DD not to tell anyone, it was their secret, but he was going to a solicitor to get more contact, and pressed her for our address, and also got her to say she wanted to see him more. She told my mum straight away on their way home.
She doesnt want to see him on her own, but she is scared to say this to him. she says she does want to see him more - but only more as in him not making excuses and missing contact, not as in more often. She will be 12 next month. I think she feels that if something better comes up he does it, and that she should be more important to him.

I went to get help from the solicitor but (as my daughter gets DLA, which is not counted, but gives me a higher rate of child tax credits) my income was just too high to get legal aid. I am left fearing that i will have to represent myself against the man who emotionally and verbally abused me for years, and I dont really know what I should do. Some have said that I just need to wait as I dont need a solicitor, as there is no discussion to have, and that he will need to apply to the court and they will find my address and send details to me. I have been told that I need to check he mentions the previous order. I feel absolutely sick at the prospect of this, and also very angry that I am denied legal aid due to the fact that I get help for a child that needs care. If she were not ill, I would qualify.

Can you advise me what I should be doing, and if there is anywhere that i might apply for legal assistance.

JigsawMum Sun 23-Sep-12 21:29:05

My DDs bioDad reduced his monthly payment unilaterally. I was trying to communicate with him via lawyers as he has no contact but He has 'disappeared' from all sources and I can't trace his businesses either. Best way to a) trace him and b) find out what he has done with his companies as I think he is 'hiding' resources as he now has 2 more kids. I also can't find out if DDs grandad is alive still as no longer on electoral roll. Thanks

trolls4us Mon 24-Sep-12 18:42:47

what level of address detail do you need to give when holidaying out of jurisdiction with children for a short holiday at a private residential address with no previous history of risk of flight ensure a PSO is not brought against it enough to give city name and emergency telephone number and flight times or do you have to give actual street and house name ? DV involved in past

Caliente62 Mon 24-Sep-12 23:02:12

Indemnity question in a divorce. My husband's solicitor has added a condition to our financials that he requires an indemnity from me against any loss my ex may suffer if I lose our home by repossession. I am adamant that I will sign no such thing as I have struggled and paid the mortgage (interest only) since he stopped paying me any money 12 months ago. Why should his "investment" be indemnified when he has walked away leaving me in a position where I am paying the mortgage and would be the only one to lose out if I failed to keep up with the payments (through his lack of payment)? This is just one of the instances of me being left responsibility for our joint finances, to my cost. Please advise? Thank you.

ohnotanothernamechanger Tue 25-Sep-12 23:48:27

does one need to get residency after there has been violence and separation?
how recently does an incicent need to have happened to be considered for unreasonable behaviour?
does not seperating finances due to fear of being assaulted for trying to end tha marriage count against a victim in court cases/divorce preceedings?

NiniLegsInTheAir Fri 05-Oct-12 09:28:09

There's no link to the Q&A from here yet?

NettleTea Sat 06-Oct-12 21:55:16

I wondered this too Nini

ToothbrushThief Thu 11-Oct-12 20:03:03

I've been waiting as well??

RachelMumsnet (MNHQ) Fri 12-Oct-12 10:40:51

Apologies for the delay in getting the answers up. We'll be posting a link later today.

GeraldineMumsnet (MNHQ) Fri 12-Oct-12 14:50:27

Hello, thanks for your patience.

Here's the link to the answers from Christina Blacklaws.

olgaga Fri 12-Oct-12 18:40:36

Well I haven't been able to read it all yet but what I have managed to scan through is great! Many thanks to Christina, and to Mumsnet. I hope you'll give this Q&A the publicity it deserves.

I will certainly be linking to it frequently!

avenueone Fri 12-Oct-12 23:17:44

thanks for the link very useful.

PostBellumBugsy Mon 15-Oct-12 13:54:29

MNHQ - Please pass on my thanks to Christina for taking the time to answer my query. Much appreciated.

CremeEggThief Mon 15-Oct-12 17:43:57

thanks to Christina. Much appreciated.

Wittsend13 Tue 16-Oct-12 00:16:32

Thanks Christina x

NiniLegsInTheAir Tue 16-Oct-12 16:23:49

Just found this. Many thanks to Christina for answering my question smile [flowers]

NiniLegsInTheAir Tue 16-Oct-12 16:25:56

Whoops! thanks

Pagen Thu 25-Oct-12 16:32:52

Hi, my husband and I have talked about what we would like to happen to our two children should anything happen to the two of us. For reasons I won't go into I would prefer custody to go to a close friend of ours rather than any of the grandparents. My mum supports my decision but my husband is not convinced and would rather his father take custody.
Am I right in thinking that should anything happen to us both without leaving a will my mother would automatically take custody? If so could she then make the decision, assuming no one contests it, to pass custody to my friend?
Can I make a will expressing my preferences even if my husband oesnt put his name to it?
I know this may all sound a bit complicated but I am only thinking about what would be best for our children.
Many thanks

Collaborate Thu 25-Oct-12 17:21:50

You really need to start your own thread over this. Use the button near the top left of the page.

shyandquiet Fri 26-Oct-12 00:19:39

How much do the co- op pay for this thread?

lolo99 Sun 16-Dec-12 21:41:17

how do we access the reponses to this??

Georgiaandi Fri 30-May-14 09:59:55

Hi, My baby's dad and I are not together and we never was. We were 2 friends who want a baby. He always said that I will be looking after the baby and he will help us and come and visit as much as he can. Two days after I came home from hospital with my baby, I got the first letter from his solicitor demanding that I give my baby to him!! When my baby was 4 weeks old I had to go to court first time, in London at the Family Division of the High court. I live one hours away!! I am breastfeeding her on demand still. Since then I had another court hearing and on Monday another one. I cant afford a solicitor so I have been representing myself. It got too much now, I cant follow the legal rules, I am stressed, upset I cant sleep and I cant eat properly. All I want is to be left alone and to be able to fully enjoy my baby. I was given no opportunity to recover from child birth, I am all on my own, I have other 2 kids to look after too. He is bulling me, and I am so scared that his solicitor will do something to take my baby away from me. Everyone is telling me that this will not happen, but I am so scared because he has money to pay for solicitors and I have not.
I am trying to postpone the Monday hearing, I have a letter from GP to say that I am too stressed to attend court, but not sure if I can. This is the nightmare of my life.
He is saying that we agree that the will be the main carer of our baby, which is not true, but we have nothing on writing to confirm it one way or the other.

I had a solicitor who was looking at my paper work, saying that will take us on on a pro bono basis, then left us on the last minute. Now I try to postpone the Monday hearing, send paper work to the court but not heard from them since. I am afraid that the paper work will get l lost on the system and the judge will hold me on contempt. I am so desperate and do not what to do.....
So far the court are saying nothing, no evidence been presented, jut our statements. He want her name change, dose not want her christened on my religion..... so all this to be discussed in court.
They want the matter transferred to the high court too.
How on earth can I deal with all of this and with a new baby too??! No one is thinking about me, as a human being, as a mother and a full time carer for my baby.
My baby is the best baby in the world, she is doing so well, happy and I love her to bits.
I never stopped her dad to come and see her when he want too. He comes 6 times a week, for 3 hours at the time, takes her away and brings her back to me. She is 4 months old and fully breastfed.
Her dad runs 3 bossiness in South London, in Clapham area, so he has got the time and money to take me to court. He dose not give us any maintenance money, just buy her nappies when I ask him to.

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