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My partner moved in 2 months ago and now refuses to leave

(145 Posts)
LilacwineGirl Thu 26-Apr-12 13:14:06

Hi, my partner moved in to my house 2 months ago. We are not getting on at all. On top of this, he is refusing to look for a job, so he hangs around my home doing absolutely nothing and complaining about life. I have asked him to move out as he has huge temper rages and shouts at me and my 3 children. He is not paying any money towards the bills, food, mortgage etc I have asked him/ told him to go but he is refusing, saying that he gave up his council home to move in with me. The actual truth is that the council were evicting him for non payment of rent. He is saying that my house is now his home and I will have to pay him to go. Can I just change the locks and refuse him entry? I know I am really stupid and scared. I just work really hard to support my children and myself and I am scared that this is now turning into a money battle. When he moved in we agreed it was a temporary situation. I don't know what to do as stupid as it sounds I really don't want him sharing my bed and bedroom and I dont have a spare bedroom. I really don't want him around upsetting my children. I have had to call the police on previous occasions because of his mad temper. Please help the stupid idiot that I am.

commanderprimate Thu 26-Apr-12 13:18:12

You poor thing - that sounds awful!

I'm not a legal expert, but if he's not paying rent, and hasn't got any sort of contract, I don't think he has any right to stay there. I should call the police again if I were you, and tell them he won't leave and you want him to. The council house is neither here nor there, it's got nothing to do with you, has it?

I'm sure there'll be someone more qualified than me along soon, sorry I can't help more.

Good luck with it.

savoycabbage Thu 26-Apr-12 13:20:49

Call the police!

OldLadyKnowsNothing Thu 26-Apr-12 13:22:02

Also have no legal qualifications, but can't see that he has any right to stay in your home when he is acting abusively and his name isn't on the title deeds. Tell him to go, get the police involved if necessary, or if that's too scarey (and I can see how it might be!) yes, change the locks when he's out.

You're not stupid, you're being intimidated.

catsareevil Thu 26-Apr-12 13:22:13

Cant you just lock the doors when he is out? And arrange to return any belongings to him?

teanosugar Thu 26-Apr-12 13:27:29

I would ring the police, tell them you are scared, tell them about his temper and tell them he wont go.

If he isnt on the mortgage/rent book etc I dont think he's got a leg to stand on.

I think he's clutching at straws that you are going pay him off to set up somewhere else.

I do know someone who was in your situation, it was her house and he moved in, she was with him less than two years (married less than one) and he never paid a penny towards anything. She went to the solicitors armed with her payslips and bank statements. When he tried to get a pay off by saying he had bought stuff for the house and paid towards everything he was asked to provide proof and because he couldn't he didnt get anything.

change your locks.

if he comes back and gets angry then call the police. they will have a record of your previous calls and should come out quickly if necessary.

you aren't stupid!!!

Collaborate Thu 26-Apr-12 13:30:00

Just change the locks. You can put the key in the door to stop him gaining entry until you do that. He has no legal right to remain there now you've asked him to leave.

coppertop Thu 26-Apr-12 13:30:15

I think you need to call the police. He has no more right to be in your house than I do.

Once he's out, change the locks asap.

LadySybilDeChocolate Thu 26-Apr-12 13:30:46

I'd call women's aid, they will be able to help you.

LilacwineGirl Thu 26-Apr-12 13:31:08

Thankyou so much for your advice. I keep wondering how I could have been so absolutely stupid and not realised that he saw me just as a free meal ticket. I am really scared about the legal implications and whether I can just get rid of him as he is refusing to go or whether he can legally demand that he owns part of my home now?

catsareevil Thu 26-Apr-12 13:32:06

He doesnt own part of your home.

mrspnut Thu 26-Apr-12 13:34:04

If he isn't on your tenancy then just change the locks whilst he is out and if he kicks off then call the police and say he is threatening you.

Put his belongings outside and thank your lucky stars that you've got rid of him.

PartOfAWednesday Thu 26-Apr-12 13:35:18

Have you ended the relationship?

sooperdooper Thu 26-Apr-12 13:35:34

Her owns nothing, he hasn't even contributed towards food or bills, he's entitled to nothing whatsoever in regard to your home and it sounds like he knows you're worried he has some kind of claim so he's using that against you, he's a freeloader and a bully and he needs to leave - do you have some family or friends who could come round and back you up while he packs his stuff and gets out?

sooperdooper Thu 26-Apr-12 13:36:31

Sorry pressed send too soon, he has no legal right over anything at all, your home 100% he just needs to leave if you don't want him there

EldritchCleavage Thu 26-Apr-12 13:40:56

He doesn't own a share in anything, and I don't think he can even claim to have what is called a 'periodic tenancy' because he doesn't pay any rent or contribution to living costs. I don't think he really qualifies for any legal protection at all.
Please please call the police and tell them you are being threatened in this way. Citizen's Advice and Woman's Aid will also be able to help.
Have you got relatives or friends who could come and stay with you for a while? Just change the locks when he is out then get someone in for support so if he comes back he sees you are not alone (though really, making a police complaint is the way to go).

OldLadyKnowsNothing Thu 26-Apr-12 13:41:35

If he had lived with you for many years, and if he had contributed towards making your home more valuable, he might have had a beneficial interest in the property. Two months of sponging off you gives him no rights whatsoever and you can chuck him out with a clear conscience.

LilacwineGirl Thu 26-Apr-12 13:54:58

Thankyou so much, there is so much I want to say and I am really scared. My eldest son is 18 and he will help me stand up to him. He does not get home till the evening. Do you think I should pack his clothes( about 4 bin liners worth) into bin bags and leave downstairs or that may kick off his temper. He is out at the moment or should I wait for my son to come home this evening? I was wondering if I should give him notice but you are all advising me just to get rid of him immediately. Thankyou for your support

mrspnut Thu 26-Apr-12 13:56:31

I would put his stuff out and put the key in the lock so he can't get in, but you know him best.

What is he likely to do in that situation, if you ring the police how quickly will they be able to get there? is your son likely to be home before him?

EldritchCleavage Thu 26-Apr-12 13:57:23

Given his behaviour, I think giving him notice could be risky for you. Do pack up his belongings and leave them outside once your son has got home. That way, this man has no reason to come back into the house and cannot accuse you of taking his things. Once he does arrive, then the minute he even raises his voice, please call the police and ask them to attend.

Collaborate Thu 26-Apr-12 13:59:12

If he's out. lock the door now from the inside. Putting the key in the lock should do the trick if he's got his own key. Don't wait till he gets back. dial 999 if he tries to force his way in. Tell him if he backs away you'll open the door and leave his stuff out in bags. Make sure he's too far away to rush the door, or wait until your son gets back to do that.

OldLadyKnowsNothing Thu 26-Apr-12 13:59:41

Put his stuff into binbags, leave outside (somewhere where the contents won't be damaged by rain etc) and as mrspnut says, leave the key in the door so he can't get back in. If you have time and it's a yale lock, you can buy a new barrel for not much money and change the lock yourself quite easily. Maybe call local police in advance to let them know he might kick off?

FruitSaladIsNotPudding Thu 26-Apr-12 14:00:31

Definitely don't warn him. Don't let him back in the house. Put his stuff outside and either change the locks or find another way to secure it (changing locks probably better or he'll have a key). Call the police if he so much as shouts and kicks the door.

What a wanker. Hope you can get rid and get on with your life.

LilacwineGirl Thu 26-Apr-12 14:05:27

I know this will result in the police being called. Ok I will wait for my son this evening and then pack his stuff up and get it downstairs. He is a real control freak and continually goes through all my paperwork, bills and anything he can. He is furious because I refuse to give him my phone code, so he can't read my messages. I have nothing to hide but he is nuts . Thankyou again, your advice is wise, warm and desperately needed. I'd he comes in at any moment I will have to close my computer until this evening, but I will keep reading and update you on how I get through this. Biggest thanks,

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