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he's defending the divorce

(15 Posts)
mrsdarcey78 Sat 08-Oct-16 17:21:24

Hi I hope someone can help. I filed for divorce for UB and it was served on ex on the 17/08/2016. Since then as there was no response I filed for a court bailiff to serve the papers and was told that could take 9 months, so I paid for private process servers to serve them. He refused to meet them, told them two stories on the phone, and said he was homeless and jobless. They wrote a statement of truth to say he had admitted that he had the papers but was refusing to return them. I applied for deemed service to proceed with the Nisi. Today I got papers saying he was defending the divorce. I am aware this is very rare. He has written some horrible nasty things about me on the paperwork. He could of said he disagreed with the divorce petition and what I said but uncontested it. I did file my paperwork for deemed service a few weeks ago. Will they accept the deemed service as it was filed before his paperwork, I was told its a 6 week wait to see a judge when I phoned 2 weeks ago. I am going to have to call them and face another 90 mins at least on hold. It looks like a long drawn out court date just to get the nisi. I can not afford to pay for legal aid, its costing me £4k to contest the child contact order he has taken me to court for. I do not understand why he has chosen to defend it. I have looked into it and it is very rare to do so due to cost and time and the same result, the nisi. This seems very inappropriate to me and caused me a huge amount of distress. x

Fourormore Sat 08-Oct-16 19:15:28

Defending the divorce? As in, asking the judge to force you to remain married?

Honestly, I would just go to whatever hearing there is and just calmly restate what is in your paperwork.

He sounds bonkers.

Racmactac Sat 08-Oct-16 20:06:46

What an idiot!
Has he just ticked the box on the acknowledgment of service to say he us defending it or has he actually filed a defence?

He only has so many days to provide a full defence and if he doesn't you can just proceed.

The court will list it for a directions hearing, just go along and say that you standby your petition for divorce, the judge will be very unimpressed with him.

mrsdarcey78 Sat 08-Oct-16 20:07:03

He is saying basically, that he disagrees with what I have said for the unreasonable behaviour, and he is defending the divorce. I have not seen him in over two years. He could of answered the petition with his own statement and said that, but no he is going to send it to a judge to defend it. its madness. less then 1% of divorces are defended these days. I sent papers for deemed service before he did this so I live in hope it will go ahead with that but I know my luck. none of what he has said makes any sense, as it just adds to the reason why a divorce should go ahead. x

mrsdarcey78 Sat 08-Oct-16 20:09:21

He has ticked that on the acknowledgement of service for defending the divorce and he has sent a answer. I now have to file for a defended divorce and ask for it to be transferred to a court. I am going to ring Monday as I feel the deemed service should go ahead as he has had two months to return the paperwork and did not. He had his mother answer the door for him and he has told them he is homeless and jobless, he walked out of his job the same week he got the divorce petition to try and make sure I dont get any money! x

Racmactac Sat 08-Oct-16 20:10:28

Ive been doing family law for 15 years and never dealt with defended divorce!

mrsdarcey78 Sat 08-Oct-16 20:37:42

everything i have read and seen said it is extremely rare I hope the judge throws it out as if one person files for divorce that is usually enough to say its not working and broken down. i think he has confused it with the finances or something. he is a evil cruel man. he is also taking me to court for access to the kids as well after two years of nothing. final court date thursday. 2 older kids were taken off and only 10 year old left they dont want to see him. I just want to proceed to the nisi and have him out of our lives x

titchy Sat 08-Oct-16 22:25:32

Then the will is invalid. An executor cannot witness the will.

titchy Sat 08-Oct-16 22:28:27

Whoops wrong thread sorry blush

palanca Mon 10-Oct-16 14:21:46

One option is that if you have been separated for over 2 years which it appears that you have, then write to him and ask him if he would consent to a divorce on the basis of two years separation instead. You would then need to file a further petition - no doubt Collaborate and prh47 will be along to talk you through the practicalities and possible costs of substituting one petition for another but this is precisely what the judge will be suggesting as she/he groans at reading that the UB petition is defended

Collaborate Tue 11-Oct-16 09:00:26

As with Racmactac I've never done a defended divorce as well. People usually see the sense.

If there are assets you can enforce a costs order against I'd just go for it. The judge, when giving directions, will warn him about the costs he's likely to have to pay.

I've never had to look at the procedure for a defended divorce.

freemanbatch Tue 11-Oct-16 09:25:40

My ex said he'd defend the divorce so my solicitor advised replacing with two years separation, they told me it would be quicker because he said he'd agree to that.

I signed a thing to ask the court to allow the change on 9th October 2015, I've signed everything I've been sent the day I've got it and sent it straight back and still I sit here still married. He has spent months over everything and my solicitor seems to have done the same.

After my experience I would tell you to let him defend it and let a judge decide because even if he did agree to two years separation and you tried to do it that way he can still mess with you for ages. If he defends it then it's in court and the court sets the timescale not him.

MiscellaneousAssortment Tue 11-Oct-16 10:06:12

Gosh how unpleasant. Does he think he can force you to remain married? Why? There isn't any other reason someone would do this except negative surely?
It's not like any marriage is recoverable at this point...

Like a judge will say 'no MrsDarcey, you must go home with your husband and be a good wifey, forget all about these silly ideas you have in your head' !

mrsdarcey78 Wed 12-Oct-16 19:44:05

I have had a email from the divorce court today, saying about his acknowledgement of service and I should of also got forms to apply for the Nisi. I didnt get those all I got was forms saying he was defending the divorce and his statement about it. I will apply to let a judge decide and ask him to cover the costs of it all. x

MiscellaneousAssortment Wed 12-Oct-16 21:44:34

Phew. Believe the court, not the twat (I think that should be an official saying smile )

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