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emergency hearing?

(23 Posts)
Castasunder Thu 22-Sep-16 08:41:27

Hi

Does anyone know if getting an emergency hearing within 24hours is possible? My friend is due to go on holiday in two days and her ex has said she isn't going and isn't taking their child. He originally said yes. He's very emotionally abusive and has threatened to harm as well.

palanca Thu 22-Sep-16 11:27:13

yes you can but it is very difficult - contact the local county court

MrsBertBibby Thu 22-Sep-16 11:54:13

How does he propose to stop her?

Castasunder Fri 23-Sep-16 07:37:57

He's said he doesn't give permission and will phone the airport to say she has abducted the child. He also said he will smash up their house if she does go

JMKid Fri 23-Sep-16 20:18:07

I was told from my solicitor that resident parent can take their child on holiday for upto 28 days without the non residents permission. She should take her LO on holiday and if possible get someone to house sit for her. Does he know where/when etc she is going?

Mybeardeddragonjustdied2016 Fri 23-Sep-16 20:21:50

You def can leave the country for you to 28 days without permission form a twat. She needs to report threats to police in case of damage etc while she is away.

Castasunder Fri 23-Sep-16 20:27:06

Isn't that only if she has s court order ?

prh47bridge Fri 23-Sep-16 23:15:21

You are correct. Unless there is a court order in place you need the consent of everyone with PR to take a child out of the country.

Castasunder Sat 24-Sep-16 00:43:29

So does that mean that she can never have a holiday unless she goes to court? He doesn't work but refuses to look after the child so mum has to pay £1100 a month in nursery fees in order to work. He sees the child once or twice a week for 10 minutes , yet he controls the mother's every move. She is terrified of him

Castasunder Sat 24-Sep-16 00:44:56

When he threatened to smash up her house she tried to log it with 101 but they never picked up the phone. She even had me try but I have up after an hours wait

Fourormore Sat 24-Sep-16 09:07:59

It sounds like she needs legal advice in any case. She should certainly be involving the police - perhaps walk in to the local station if she's having no luck with 101.
A court order for a holiday would cost £215. She wouldn't need to get a new one every time.

Why is he seeing the child for 10 minutes? That's barely enough time for hellos and goodbyes. It sounds like formalising arrangements, perhaps using a supported or supervised contact centre would be better for everyone.

Castasunder Sat 24-Sep-16 14:38:49

He isn't really interested in the child but says all the right things. Won't look after her and won't allow anyone else to either, apart from nursery. This means she can't have a night out because he says he's not having the child with babysitters.

titchy Sat 24-Sep-16 14:41:08

Why can't she have a babysitter? It's up to her who looks after the child when he or she's in her care, not the ex. If he has a problem with that he'd need to go to court confused

Castasunder Sat 24-Sep-16 17:56:36

He still lives in the house, she can't get him out (although I think she can and is just managing him in the hope he doesn't lose it - she is a very non-confrontational person and he's very dominant and aggressive). She is moving house soon and has told him he can't come with her so he knows it's the end. Knowing the kind of person he is though, he'll never let her have another partner , never mind a babysitter- and that's even if they don't live together. He wants access to their child whenever he wants and says she won't stop him. To my mind that means he will call at her house any time wants- if he finds that he doesn't like what he sees when he gets there; there will be scene. He has such a dominant force in her life. Threatens all sorts so she goes along with it in fear.

By the way. As the relationships stands, the dynamic is along the lines of: he goes out all day with his mates. When he comes home, he calls her on the phone and tells her he wants to see the child , so 'get home now' and so she drops what she's doing and heads back. When she gets there , he rants and raves about why should he have to call her in order to see his child- the child should be at home when he gets home etc etc. As soon as he finishes ranting and shouting, he goes back out again, child ignored.
Btw- he doesn't agree with the my friend or the child being out of the house. That's not even close to an exaggeration. He sees no 'reason' why they need to go out and doesn't see what the problem is with staying at home, enjoying the house ( just them though- not him)

Fourormore Sat 24-Sep-16 18:32:52

Does she know this isn't right?
Sounds to me like she could do with some support from Women's Aid and finding a solicitor to talk about a non molestation order. He can't be allowed to control her like this.
Is the child seeing him act like this? Because that would be a child protection issue too.

Castasunder Sat 24-Sep-16 20:48:37

She knows . But is crippled with anxiety over the whole thing. She is so caught up in not being one of 'those' parents who end up in the courts , that she can't see how damaging this whole situation is for the child anyway. Trying to her her to contact the police was an ordeal in itself

Fourormore Sat 24-Sep-16 21:09:32

I'm not surprised, if this is what she's been used to for years.
If I were you, and this won't be easy, I'd sit down and ask her if this is what she wants to teach her child, that his behaviour is how it's okay to act. If she has a son, does she want him to see that this is how men act, or if she has a daughter, does she want her daughter to think it's okay to be treated this way?

Going through the courts isn't pleasant but in this case it seems almost entirely necessary. She needs protecting and more importantly, the child needs protecting. I hope she's able to access the support she needs.

MrsBertBibby Sun 25-Sep-16 09:52:57

She has much bigger things to sort out than a holiday!

If she doesn't take steps to protect her child from this abuse, by being one of "those" parents who sort their own issues out proactively, she will end up as one of "those" parents who get taken there by the local authority and lose their children for good.

Incidentally, if she gets a child arrangements order specifying thst the child lives with her, she can take all the foreign holdays she likes, without his consent, up to 28 days.

NNChangeAgain Sun 25-Sep-16 09:59:21

If she is crippled with anxiety and fear, an emergency court order is out of her reach right now - she would need to be confident and assertive in order to do what she believes is right for her DCs.

Support her to take it one step at a time - moving away from him is the first step. Right now, holidays might have to wait.

Castasunder Sun 25-Sep-16 10:03:42

She is beginning to realise she needs to go to court. I will show her this thread. I definitely think she's a case for WA but she thinks differently. He isn't violent , but has threatened to be...and I believe it's only a matter of time. She's gaining (albeit slowly) a strength that he isn't used to and is taking it hard. I don't know what his limit is. As it stands she's gone on the holiday, and he didn't follow through with his plans to stop her. What he does the house in revenge though remains to be seen.

For a court order- does she basically launch proceedings against him to formalise their arrangements? He has said he isn't seeing his child according to a routine set out by her, that he'll see her when he wants or not at all. My friend is terrified the child (still an infant really) will grow up not knowing him because he will take the latter option of not seeing her in order to spite her. I personally think that's the best thing she could hope for but she doesn't - in terms of the child anyway. I doubt he'd even show up at court- he's that kind of person.

titchy Sun 25-Sep-16 10:51:46

Priority should be housing, not child srrsngement. She needs to either find somewhere else to live, or go to court for an occupation order, and a nonmol.

Fourormore Sun 25-Sep-16 11:37:40

It's actually even more important to go to WA with this kind of abuse as it's harder to prove in court. She should also tell her health visitor what's happening and see her GP. These people will all be able to provide evidence further down the line when she will inevitably need it.

The effect of DV on an infant (the ranting, threatening, leaving the mother crippled with anxiety and fear) can have the same damaging effect as going to war does to a soldier.

I'm glad she's got you for support. It sounds like she needs it. Sadly, I know from experience that often the victim of DV won't be able to take the steps to protect them until they are ready to and no one can really force them.

I hope she's able to do what needs to be done to protect herself and the child. She doesn't need to live in fear like this.

Castasunder Sun 25-Sep-16 17:35:32

Thank you everyone. I'm more resolved than ever to make her stand up to him. Easier said than done I know, but it's time .

Thank you all.

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