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Historical and present day matter re safeguarding

(13 Posts)
IAmcuriousyellow Mon 19-Sep-16 10:31:13

Hello all
I'd really like to hear from people involved in SS, Nananina springs to mind but I think the Relationships board is not the place for this.
Years ago when we lived in a city I had a very good friend who adopted children from an awful background. The younger of these adored my youngest and we all spent a LOT of time together, very happily. Her child was 8 at the time and mine was 2. However one day I found her alone with my child, she had taken his nappy off and was playing with his genitals. My friend tried to pass this off as sibling style behaviour as we were at the time so close.

I cut all contact with my friend on the advice of our GP who assured me that my little one would not be affected by this long term, and would not remember it in future life but that the sensible thing would obviously be to see no more of this family. He wanted to report the incident but I was very concerned for my friend (at the time I was very rattled and to be honest just wanted to leave it in the past) so he advised me that if I could be certain that my friend would get her child psychiatric input then he would respect my wishes and not report. So my friend (reluctantly) got her child to a psychiatrist who saw her for a year - sadly she wasn't able to "reach her" and the input ceased.

Subsequently we moved a long way away and have had very little contact.

I recently saw another friend who still lives in this city and she advised me to look on social media as this child who is now a young adult is working in a nursery. There are photos of her wearing the polo top with the nursery's logo amongst the little ones so I'm certain that she is an official staff member there.

I rang the social services safeguarding team for the borough and told them the story. I didn't choose anonymity, I gave all details. They have informed me that they can do nothing with my information unless I report it to the police. Does anyone know if this is true? And what would a police investigation into this look like? I don't want anyone talking to my child about it - he was two and has never referred to it, or for that matter mentioned the other family st all, we have all moved on.

I am concerned that every time this young woman applies for a DRB it will be clear.

Am I even being reasonable to feel that she could represent a threat to small children? I know I need to speak to her mother about it before I do anything else, but I would dearly like to know how I would go forward if I find my friend still deluded, and in denial, as she was back then.

I just don't know what to do in all honesty.

I hope someone can help me - can it really be true that the SS can't use my information without police involvement?

Sootica Mon 19-Sep-16 10:37:04

You want an adult to lose her job and never work with children again because of something she did when she was EIGHT?

Sootica Mon 19-Sep-16 10:38:38

The criminal age of responsibility is 10. So she's not going to be investigated for something she did when she was 8

IAmcuriousyellow Mon 19-Sep-16 10:40:36

Thanks for replying Sootica. That's a concern of mine too. I just don't know what's right here. I don't want to ruin anyone's life, believe me.

Sootica Mon 19-Sep-16 10:41:11

Also the reason this CHILD did this was probably because she had seen inappropriate sexual behaviour before she was adopted. You know she has had a long long time to learn that it's wrong? I am so horrified by your attempts to ruin the life of someone who's bounced back from that sort of start in life

fastdaytears Mon 19-Sep-16 10:41:20

8 is so young and AFAIK what you described is fairly common.

Is there anything that makes you think this girl would be a risk as an adult?

IAmcuriousyellow Mon 19-Sep-16 10:42:48

So maybe your point about the criminal age of responsibility is my answer - nothing can or should be done.

Sootica Mon 19-Sep-16 10:44:25

Sorry my last post cross posted with yours.
I hope you are just not thinking straight because you are still traumatised by seeing your 2 yr old in that position but please remember this girl was a child with a troubled background not a sexual predator

fastdaytears Mon 19-Sep-16 10:47:11

I don't think your former friend was deluded or in denial either.

Dontyoulovecalpol Mon 19-Sep-16 10:48:22

I don't think anything can be done.

IAmcuriousyellow Mon 19-Sep-16 10:57:31

Ok. I will leave it be. Thanks all.

AndNowItsSeven Mon 19-Sep-16 11:03:00

Nothing needs to be done, the child did nothing legally wrong and was most likely abused herself. The child did not abuse your ds.
Really shocked and upset and your thinking.

MypocketsarelikeNarnia Mon 19-Sep-16 14:41:37

I'm an adopter. It isn't usual for an 8 yo to play with a much younger child's genitalia. It might be a sign she had been abused. If she has and acts out that abuse who is to say she isn't still doing it? You are quite right to want to protect children rather than cover up potential issues.

What can you do now? You have spoken to ss. Have they advised you to contact the police or just said 'not our problem'? Are there any national charities who might advise?

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