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School information provided to father with no contact

(12 Posts)
Lullabullacoo Sun 03-Jul-16 17:42:36

Hi, I was wondering if someone could give me some advice? My children have no contact with their father (for 9 months now) by his agreement. He was violent towards our son and myself, DS now refuses to see him and is in counselling as a result of the anxiety his father caused him. His school is aware of the history as DS reported some of the abuse to his previous headmaster. I have discussed with them this and I was assured that he would never receive any other information than his reports. Previously my ex-h refused to attend school events and had nothing to do with it. DS is at an independent school & I pay the fees (my ex-h pays me £4.50 a week child support). School contacted me too this week to say he has requested school reports from them (my lawyer was in process of sending them). They have also given him access to a parent website which gives DS's timetable with teacher names. He will receive letters regarding trips, after school clubs, see my information etc. Is ex-h entitled to this information? He is unwilling to pay for their care (self-employed so has kept his profits low etc to avoid paying). My concern is that DS (he is 8) has finally felt safe at school and this past few months felt secure enough to start improving in school work & actually attend extra curricular clubs. He is still v scared but school is like a refuge for him. His dad never let him do outside activities (didn't like spending £). What if he denies permission for activities? DS overheard me on phone so now knows & is really upset his Dad can track his movements. Can I legally ask school to withdraw his access to website? It is stressing me out too as I finally felt I was out of control but he now knows everything going on & see daily updates on children's activities/photos.

meditrina Sun 03-Jul-16 17:46:19

Does he have PR?

If so, then the school will have to provide him with this information, unless there is a court order preventing them from doing so.

VimFuego101 Sun 03-Jul-16 17:46:21

Presumably you were married when the children were born, so he has parental responsibility which would allow him to receive information from the school and make decisions under normal circumstances. I suspect if you want things to work differently then you would need a legal agreement to that effect.

OurBlanche Sun 03-Jul-16 17:51:16

Get back to them first thing tomorrow morning. Ask for the safeguarding officer, you should be able to find their name on the school website. Get an appointment and reiterate the situation and ask specifically what they need to see/have copies of before they will take the action you request?

Have you any legal/court info on the lack of contact? Is it court ordered or just your ex's choice? If court ordered then they should rescind his access immediately. If not then yes, he does have the right to access that information - unless you can show it is detrimental to your DS. At 8 years old that would be more than just your say so, though.

But the SO will listen, especially given the previous history of violence. Get all the help you can to ensure your DS regains his sense of peace and security. Use the counsellor, SO, SS , courts and anyone else you can.

Good luck

MovingOnUpMovingOnOut Sun 03-Jul-16 17:54:26

The fact he is at an independent school is very relevant. You have a contract with the school, your ex-h does not. I would create merry hell about this if they didn't sort it out and threaten to withdraw him. But before doing that I would check if it wasn't just a mistake that they could correct quickly - probably best not to go in all guns blazing just yet.

I would question why they are providing this additional information at all when 1. They have no contract with ex-h. 2. Ex-h has no contact with the child?

Separately but relevantly they should not provide any of your information without your express consent. This is a requirement of the Data Protection Act.

Lullabullacoo Sun 03-Jul-16 18:16:53

Hi, thanks for the suggestions. There is no order re contact by court but lawyer thinks should we go to court then there is ample evidence to get one. Child protection officer is aware partially of situation but not sure she realises how bad it was. Have only spoken with head of DS's department. When she told me on Friday about it, I was fine as didn't really think about all the extra info he would get. It is thought that he may appear at school event that worries me. He does officially have PR (though I would like it removed, which is long term plan) just irritated he suddenly wants info when he hasn't cared for last 2 years. Always asked him to come to school stuff- and his parents- and he won't come. I didn't go to police when I left 2 years ago because I blamed myself for the abuse which makes it problematic. CAMHS are keen to support DS in keeping Dad away at moment (last time counsellor tried to talk about his father he ended up in fetal position with hands over ears so will be long process). I am only wanting to ensure DS feels safe at school. Plan to speak my lawyer but she's on holiday. I will be careful re approaching school because they have been fantastic. Frustrating that ex-h's rights carry so much weight when he doesn't want to pay towards their care or treat them well!!

MovingOnUpMovingOnOut Sun 03-Jul-16 18:28:19

Hopefully just a conversation (and politely pointing out you're their customer not your ex-h) will sort it out.

Good luck smile

MarthaElf Sun 03-Jul-16 18:31:41

Hi I have been in a similar situation. Speak to the safe guarding officer as stated.

Ours will provide reports, attendance etc but nothing else. He should NOT be able to see your details.

Lullabullacoo Sun 03-Jul-16 18:48:57

Thanks MarthaElf.

prh47bridge Sun 03-Jul-16 19:49:08

though I would like it removed, which is long term plan

If you were married to him you can't get it removed. If you were not married you may be able to get it removed but you would have to persuade the courts that it is in your son's best interests. Whilst PR can be removed if the parents weren't married it doesn't happen very often.

As long as he has PR the school should provide him with the same information they give you unless there is a court order preventing him from having that information. However, they should not give him your details.

Hassled Sun 03-Jul-16 19:56:06

Would something like a restraining order be the solution? I'm not a lawyer and have no idea how easy/hard these things are to get, but I know of a family where the father is not allowed to come near the children (and so the school) due to a restraining order. Does anyone know if that would override the PR necessity to give information by the school?

Lullabullacoo Sun 03-Jul-16 20:17:14

Thank you Hassled. I shall ask lawyer about that.

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