Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you have any legal concerns we suggest you consult a solicitor.

Child arrangement order - help

(16 Posts)
Iwishicouldflyfarfaraway Fri 03-Jun-16 12:14:46

Hi ,apologies in advance if this turns out to be long! I posted a message last year about seeking a child arrangement order as I was fed up of receiving bullying messages during the holidays from my ex about his extra time , even though he had already been given the dates he wanted. I was advised to let him apply for one as he is the one wanting to change the current contact.
Yesterday I received a copy of his application from the court and whilst I am happy it will be defined. I can't find anywhere to contest his statement for applying- should there be a form for this?, he's basically saying I won't arrange holidays in advance , and that I won't allow him time in other holidays but he never asks for time in the holidays bar the summer hols. And specific dates like birthdays.
I am planning to ring the court but don't want the children to hear so it's a bit awkward at the moment!
I will be representing myself as I can't afford a solicitor so any advice is welcome.
Thank you if you've got this far and it makes sense.

Pisssssedofff Fri 03-Jun-16 22:46:04

I think you bring it up at the first hearing. I filed against my ex and didn't know until we got into the court room what his plan was. Cafcass should be in touch too

Greenyogagirl Fri 03-Jun-16 22:55:47

Type up any notes you might need.
You'll be asked during the hearing what your thoughts and views are etc so you could explain the messages (and show if you have them) and you are happy for him to have this time and that time. He'll then have to accept it or contest it. If it goes to a contested hearing cafcass might get involved but if you have no issues with contact and it's just arranging specific times it should be relatively quick and easy X

Iwishicouldflyfarfaraway Sat 04-Jun-16 08:06:14

Thank you for your replies. So if I just send back the acknowledgment ticking the box that says I'm happy for the order and then do a timeline of all the contact issues and the evidence I have to take with me Greenyogagirl? I have all the messages so can screen shot & then print them for eg last year he requested 2 weeks in the summer hols at seperate times agreed to one week straight away but had to check if the other would work so said I would confirm by the end of the month ( was trying to sort maternity leave & annual leave out with a slow to respond hr, also hadn't told any one about the pregnancy at that point only work!) day I informed my family I was pregnant got message out the of the blue telling me as I hadn't confirmed he was having that week. Replied back that it wasn't the end of the month & I would chase hr. ended up in the usual text argument which I eventually just ignored. I wrote the dates down on paper and said all other access to remain as normal and gave him copy via his mum. All good until the summer holidays when I got a message asking where his extra time is he has the right to have them 50% of the time all the usual I'm trying to keep them from him stuff. Or would this be too much info? Sorry it's so long again! x

Iwishicouldflyfarfaraway Sat 04-Jun-16 08:08:48

Pisssssedoff at your first hearing did you go straight in to the judge? My paperwork says a meeting at one time and then a hearing with the judge an hour later which should last 30mins.

dunfightin Sat 04-Jun-16 09:03:12

Best way to sort this out is to agree amount of time i.e. half the holidays - which is v likely what the judge will order and a time i.e. 24 hours to a year in advance - whatever is likely to work for you - for both of you to advise the other of times you want for holidays away.
Think about the wording so there is no room for argument or misunderstanding and do it on a take it or leave it basis if communication is difficult i.e. he has first half of the school holidays and you the second. Judge isn't interested in the past really only in helping you to sort out the future in DCs interest.

Iwishicouldflyfarfaraway Sat 04-Jun-16 09:34:48

Thank you dunfighting as I explained above I have no issues with an order being made it will hopefully stop the annual onslaught of demanding bully texts. I object to his statement which states that I refuse to make arrangements in advance. I need things arranged in advance as I use childcare when I work.& I try to be flexible as that is best for the children. So I'm just trying to find out when and how I advise the court of this so it can be taken into account by the judge so when the order is made it will be a benefit to the children.

Pisssssedofff Sat 04-Jun-16 09:35:02

We just went straight in

Greenyogagirl Sat 04-Jun-16 10:18:13

I had to wait around and my solicitor spoke to his to try and agree before the hearing. Saw magistrates first who asked if we had found a way to agree, we hadn't so went to another hearing with a judge (and 12 more hearings after that!)
Does he have a solicitor? Write down what you're willing to give and say you want him not to contact you unless it's an emergency. Can never have too much info!
If you have no problems with him seeing the kids then he'll probably get every other weekend and half the holidays.

Iwishicouldflyfarfaraway Sat 04-Jun-16 10:21:30

Thanks for replying pisssedofff I wonder then if as I'm the respondent that's why I have two meetings and as he's the applicant he will just come to the hearing with the judge.

Pisssssedofff Sat 04-Jun-16 12:11:23

Actually yes, he turned with a barrister which is quite hilarious who tried to talk me into agreeing to his terms, 50/50 lol
That didn't work so the circus began, section 7 reports ordered, cafcass writing a report so inaccurate I'm not even convinced it was about us. Got back in front of a magistrate finally two months later and still nothing agreed. Thing is the whole time it's dragging on they aren't getting what they want so it suits me just fine.

Iwishicouldflyfarfaraway Sat 04-Jun-16 13:26:49

Is your case still dragging on pissssedofff? My ex has a solicitor, I have already done letter tennis with them, and I've kept every message my ex has sent and all the paperwork regarding holiday agreements to date. At the very least they will show I haven't been awkward or tried to prevent access as his solicitor has tried to infer!

Pisssssedofff Sat 04-Jun-16 13:34:15

We are nearly two years in with all this nonsense. Thing is with mine he might want them but he's not actually in a position to have them if that makes sense so it's quite ridiculous really. The end is in sight, it became easier when we both ditched the lawyers, although I plan to get one back for the financials, crazy as that might sound I feel a lot happier defending my position as a mother than as wife !!!

Pisssssedofff Sat 04-Jun-16 13:37:35

The best advice I can give you is sort it with his solicitor before you go into court, get exact dates etc. If he doesn't stick to them nothing happens tbh it's not worth fighting about unless it affects child support payments. I told mine if he went over a certain number of nights he'd be getting them full time as we can't live without child support payments. He promptly shut up.

Iwishicouldflyfarfaraway Sat 04-Jun-16 14:27:11

I think that's the problem pissssedofff I don't actually know what he wants other than to find ways to get at me. I've always tried to go with the advice from the judge at the divorce hearing -he moaned then that he had no extra time during the holidays & the judge said sometimes it happens like that I think, because I made it clear I don't know when he works and if he doesn't ask I can't assume he will be around. and the best thing for the children is to stay flexible. Thanks for your advice I think I'll sort out a statement with the messages etc to show how we've got to this stage and have some bits written down with regards to what I hope we can achieve. Fingers crossed you get yours sorted soon pissssedofff it must be really draining for you.

Pisssssedofff Sat 04-Jun-16 14:33:13

Ah flexibility that's our issue too ... Unfortunately we aren't married any more buster so no there's no flexibility he either sticks to the arrangements or buggers off basically and that's pretty much what SS, the magistrate etc told him, twice, he still doesn't get it. I don't think they ever do

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now