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DH's Ex-p refusing to allow DH's name on birth certificate

(3 Posts)
lennyloo82 Thu 19-May-16 15:42:09

My DH has a DD aged 13. When she was at primary school we would have her to stay during the week for 2 nights. This contact was unofficially in place (not arranged through court). DH unable to take her at weekends due to working in the hospitality industry. If he did have a weekend off, she would stay with us. This arrangement changed when she started secondary school. Her mother stopped allowing us to take her during the week for a number of reasons. The first of which was because we sent her to school 'with messy hair'. This was untrue and made us really mad. The second reason was that it would interfere with her afterschool activities. We offered solutions to the ex-P's fears that the child's activities would not be affected. We offered to pick her up after activities etc. The whole thing ended up in court. Ex-P, DH and DSD all interviewed by court officer. DSD seems to have been coached by Ex-P. She was 12yrs at that stage. Stated that she didn't want to come during the week but didn't understand that if she didn't come during week she would rarely see DH. DH not even guaranteed a weekend a month off. More like every 5/6 weeks unless for a special reason. I was pregnant at this stage and feel the ex-p's behaviour and attitude changed towards us around this point. (She was the one who ended their relationship and has two other children with new partner. DH and Ex-P together for 8 years, DSD was 6 when they split up).
Anyway, judge decided that DSD wishes would be prioritised. We lost the weekday contact with her and now barely see her. When we were all in court, my DH got an order for parental responsibility (he hadn't realised he wasn't actually on the birth certificate until a number of years after they broke up). She had lied and said he was on it but he discovered this to be untrue. My DH asked his ex-p at court if she would consent to having his name on the BC and she flat out refused and wouldn't tell us why. I assumed that she believed this would adversely affect her benefits, which apparently used to be the case but doesn't make a difference now. The other part of me started to have an awful feeling that perhaps DH isn't the father of DSD. I mean I have no real reason to suspect this, just a sinking feeling. I don't think she looks anything like him but I don't think that's a great reason to think they're not related. I did mention my fear to him but he completely disagrees that that is why she is doing this. Ex-p cheated on DH and that is why relationship between them ended. I also think if she has cheated once that he knows of then maybe she did it before. When they were together there were times when she wouldn't come home after nights out until the next morning and would refuse to give an explanation.
For other background, our baby died in the neo-natal unit soon after all this happened and this is why I am only revisiting this now. I'm just wondering if anyone has been in this situation or has any advice on what way we should proceed. Considering going down the legal route again but know that this is costly. The ex-p was legally aided (even though she lives with her partner who has his own company). This is my first post so please be kind!

DanaBarrett Fri 20-May-16 16:48:42

As far as I understand it, once a father has parental responsibility, he no longer needs permission from the mother to be on the birth certificate. He can have it changed at the registry office without her present or consent.

SlapACatFuckADuck Fri 20-May-16 16:54:21

He can put himself on the BC he doesn't need any permission from her. He needs to contact the here go to the 2nd paragraph after the bullet points

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