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quick child access/contact question

(8 Posts)
RutDweller Mon 02-May-16 23:02:25

Divorced, child contact order (not sure if that's the correct name) in place (agreed through solicitors not court). ExH now wants to increase his time with the DC's, to decrease his maintenance payments. I don't want to see any less of the children nor, more importantly, do I see why changing the current arrangements is necessary or beneficial for the DCs. He says it's his right to see his children as much as I see them. I'm scared he'll employ some flash solicitor to push for a court hearing knowing that I can't afford it and will therefore agree to his demands. Questions are 1) in reality do I have to agree to this? Short of stamping my feet and shouting "No" I don't know what counter argument i can put up that is reasonable? Or is in fact he being the reasonable one and that 50:50 contact is fairest? 2) at what age will the DCs own opinions be taken into account? But maybe they'd rather be with him anyway, I don't know. Feeling helpless, no change there then!

SlapACatFuckADuck Tue 03-May-16 00:13:04

What do the children want? That is important.

How old are they? Roughly 10+ is the age they start getting listened to. Do they go to school? If so every other weekend is more common with a day in the week.

Ultimately it is not about what you want but what the kids want and what's best for them.

VimFuego101 Tue 03-May-16 00:17:10

How much does he see them now? an uninvolved father who has only seen them once a month up till now, hasn't bothered showing up to parents evening or contacting them in between visits is unlikely to get 50/50. But what do the children want, how far away does he live (i.e. Can he do school pickups/ drop offs) and assuming he works full time, how does he plan to fit seeing the kids around his work hours?

RutDweller Tue 03-May-16 08:29:21

He currently has them from Sunday morning to Wednesday morning so 3nights a week but is now proposing that every other week he also has them either sat night or wed night to make it 7 nights per fortnight ie 50%.
Should I ask the children what they want do you think? I was worried that this might upset them and they'd think they were being asked to choose between us which is why I haven't done it up to now.
Thanks everyone

RutDweller Tue 03-May-16 08:30:09

Yes they are both at school

Fourormore Tue 03-May-16 09:27:59

I don't think it's fair to involve the children in making decisions about contact. I'd consider it if they were secondary school age but it's too much like putting them in the middle for my liking.

I don't think one night a fortnight is going to make a huge difference either way tbh. Why shouldn't it be 50/50? I think you're right - it'll be difficult to come up with a convincing, reasonable argument.

PatriciaHolm Tue 03-May-16 11:11:08

Realistically, it's one more night a fortnight, with an involved, engaged parent who is used to dealing with the children, getting them to school etc. On the face of it there really isn't any argument against it surely. Court would definitely prefer you deal with this amicably between you.

VimFuego101 Tue 03-May-16 12:03:06

Sounds fair enough to me then... Why do you object? If they're with him half the time then it makes sense that no maintenance would be payable but you'd have to come to an agreement about who provided what clothes. If they're with him half the time then presumably he would just buy clothes for them to keep at his house.

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