Ok so here is my long story sorry in advance! Me and ex partner split up when I was 7 months pregnant. I didn't hold any grudges and we stayed friends I wanted him to have as much involvement with ds as possible. He was there at the birth and stayed for the first week for <strong>bonding</strong> <del>although he never did a thing except shout</del> he could come round whenever he wanted but he started to want to come round at 10pm at night, when ds is sleeping and I wanted to sleep and couldn't understand why I'd say it's to late. When he was coming round he'd ignore ds not even pick him up so after another one of he's phone calls where he was <del>being an arse</del> having a go saying he should come round at that time if he wants its he's son i shouldn't stop him seeing him, I said it's not working out maybe it's better if we have arranged days because when you do come round you spend the whole time shouting and it's not good for ds me or my other ds1 who's 8 from a previous relationship. So he chose to have ds2 on a Wednesday for a few hours and alternative Saturday's/Sunday's for a few hours. So ds2 was feeding every 3 hours when xp has him for 5 hours and drops him home ds2 is screaming I said oh has he not had he's bottle, "no xp says I didn't have enough time" turns out not only had he not had the bottle that was just due neither had he had the previous one. I was so angry but I tried to explain to him nicely that ds comes first he is a baby you can't do that you have to put the babies needs before your own. Next time ds comes back soaked, he hasn't changed he's nappy because he simply again didn't have time. So the deal was he had ds with he's mum. (She is lovely and adores ds) all is well for a few weeks then on the next 7 occasions xp doesn't show, he'd send me a text to say what time he'd be coming on such a such day then just wouldn't show then wouldn't answer he's phone then on the 8th occasion he showed an hour and half late 7pm at night so I told him it was to late ds would be going to bed soon he stood on my door saying I was stopping him seeing he's son. He then showed up on time the next time and then failed to show up the following 6 times the same again texting in he morning saying a time then not showing or answering he's phone. On the 12th occasion I text him and told him he was a waste of space as a father (I know not nice but was so angry) we wasn't wasting our time waiting for him when ds was older this would upset him. To which he replied he was taking me to court for full custody anyway so wouldn't be coming again. Had many abusive texts and calls from him telling me he will get my son and won't give him back plus other things plus had him parked outside recording me doing school run with ds1. He's mum has also fallen out with him because he asked her and her partner to stand up in court to say I'm a terrible mum to which they said no because they don't agree to which he said he would give ds to them if he won custody I think he thought this would win them over. She then got abusive messages and calls too. Which brings me to today, today I open a letter inviting me to mediation. 1 I simply can not afford it I'm on maternity leave so don't qualify for legal aid and xp doesn't support financially and 2 I'm now very worried he will follow through and if he gets ds not give him back this is my main concern and fear.. I spoke to a friend who went through court with her xp and she said if xp didn't give ds back the police can not go and get him unless I have a court order stating that which a mediator can't put in place. What I'm asking is, is my friend right? If mediation says let him have him and he don't bring him back will the police not intervene I'd have to bring him to court? Also is there any point in mediation when I never stopped contact and he was the one not bothering to show? I really don't see how I'll afford it but will it look bad if I don't go? Could I write them a letter and explain the situation also am I wrong in wanting him to do some type of parenting class now he won't also be in the care of xp mum? She still sees ds once a week for a day out and I speak to her regularly with updates on ds, xp has done some horrible things to her now so there no way to go through her as she no longer speaks to him herself. I know if he brings me to court I'll have to represent myself because I won't be able to afford a solicitor but I won't go there being unreasonable I will say of course he can see him but I need something put in place to say he has to return him, and ideally parenting class of some sort. I'm just not sure what to do about mediation I don't see how they can help us anyway but I don't want it to look like I'm not being fair if it gets brought to court.