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Brother in law has been visiting prostitutes - legal advice for my sister?

(29 Posts)
mysecretvalentine25 Fri 22-Apr-16 01:18:55

My brother in law has been visiting prostitutes and my sister has proof - text messages. My sister has been married for 13 years, no children. The house is in her name and until the last few months he has not contributed to bills - mortgage etc. My mum is in a care home and there is money in a joint - between her and my sister - account which pays for care home fees. My mum's house is still in my mum's name but would be left to my sister and myself. In the likely event of a divorce, what claim does he have on her money and assets? He sold a house to move in with her and still has some of that money left. He has obviously been living rent free in my sister's house. Any advice would be greatly appreciated. Thank you.

Fourormore Fri 22-Apr-16 06:45:01

Others will be along shortly but my understanding is that the reason for the end of the marriage has no bearing on the financial settlement. He isn't "living rent free" - he's living in the marital home.

Collaborate Fri 22-Apr-16 07:27:29

He has a claim on the marital home. The history of the marriage will be a factor, as will the contributions of both parties, but will I suspect not weigh as heavily as your sister would like.

I suspect that what he has left of his house sale proceeds and your sister's house will be shared between them in some way.

She really needs proper legal advice, not second hand advice from a public internet forum. Get her to look for a solicitor near her on the Resolution website.

mysecretvalentine25 Fri 22-Apr-16 09:16:47

Thanks very much. She is going to contact a solicitor today - just wanted an idea of where she might stand - things very difficult at the moment. Thanks again.

Pisssssedofff Fri 22-Apr-16 18:00:40

He won't get much but she might have to pay him off a bit.

Pisssssedofff Fri 22-Apr-16 18:02:01

Can she get her name off the care home fees account ASAP ? It's not really her money so is would remove that complication

firesidechat Fri 22-Apr-16 18:04:04

He won't get much but she might have to pay him off a bit.

Eh, why not? They've been married a long time and he will most likely get 50%.

Pisssssedofff Sat 23-Apr-16 14:01:19

No he won't, it's the children's home, that's hardly going to get sold to pay the cheating twat who hopefully has been booted out on his Arse by now

juneau Sat 23-Apr-16 14:07:58

Generally the split of assets is 50:50, but the judge will take into account who brought what to the marriage, who earns what, the savings of both parties, the fact that both parties will need to be able to set up home independently after the split, etc.

The fact that he's been visiting prostitutes won't have any bearing, I don't think, as divorces these days are 'no fault'. So its horrendous for your DSis and very upsetting that he's been doing this, but legally its unlikely to hold any water. Dividing up marital spoils is a cold-hearted, unemotional business.

mysecretvalentine25 Sat 23-Apr-16 14:24:42

Thanks for your responses. We called solicitors yesterday - quoted £150 for initial consultation, £250 per hour thereafter. Horrible, horrible, horrible situation.

Pisssssedofff Sat 23-Apr-16 14:56:19

Try not to get too sucked in with the solicitors, inital advice is great but you can do a lot of it yourself. The piece of advice I ignored to my detriment is strike whilst the irons hot, get on with it quickly

mysecretvalentine25 Sat 23-Apr-16 15:30:52

Thanks Pisssedoff The problem is that she's still coming to terms with it emotionally, asking why he doesn't care for her, how he can treat her like this. She knew before about the visits but he said he would visit a support group and try to save their marriage. He stopped his activities for a bit but has recently started seeing prostitutes again. One solicitor said not to look into his financial situation as this was illegal. How did not actly more quickly adversely affect you? Can you give me an idea of what she can do for herself? Thanks again.

Pisssssedofff Sat 23-Apr-16 15:42:21

Basically they rewrite history as time goes on so they go from apologetic to fuck you bitch and your kids. I never in a million years rule have believed that of my ex, in 2013 he was in his knees aplogising, giving me the house, kids, car, pension anything j needed to help me get over what he'd done .... Now he wouldn't have done any of it had I not driven him to it and I'm getting nothing apparently

Pisssssedofff Sat 23-Apr-16 15:43:55

If she's upset and emotional let the solicitor do the hard stuff for her but it must be done quickly and emtionlessly or it will cost her in the long term

tribpot Sat 23-Apr-16 15:47:21

No he won't, it's the children's home

There aren't any children so I would assume 50:50 was more likely. I agree about the joint account, I think it should have been in your mum's sole name with your sister with Power of Attorney to access the funds on her behalf. It's not your sister's money, which is what the joint account implies (I think).

I hope your sister is looking after her own health?

BeckyMcDonald Sat 23-Apr-16 18:54:35

There are no children pisssssssedoff

In that situation I think the starting point is likely to be 50/50. It's a piece of string though.

With the complication of the mother's care home account I would not even think about doing this without a solicitor. She could be in a very vulnerable situation, as could her mother.

prh47bridge Sat 23-Apr-16 20:00:59

No he won't, it's the children's home, that's hardly going to get sold to pay the cheating twat who hopefully has been booted out on his Arse by now

His behaviour is irrelevant in determining the financial settlement. There are no children. Even if there were that would not mean he will only get a small share but he might have to wait for his share until the children have grown up.

mysecretvalentine25 Sun 24-Apr-16 13:26:02

Pisssssedofff - so sorry to hear of your experience. I hope you are getting the support you need. Thanks for your advice. Thanks Becky and prh. Thanks trib - she is obviously very low and so afraid of life on her own that she isn't 100% decided on divorcing him, hoping against hope that he might change but his behaviour even since being found out shows no sign that he is interested in changing, even if he were able to. We are supporting her but the problem is that their social circle is largely determined by his contacts and she isn't the most confident socially. I've just posted on the Relationships thread to ask if there might be online or face to face support groups to bolster her self esteem. Thinking about it, the best online support group is probably Mumsnet.

A friend of mine used a solicitor outside London when she had problems renting out her house and they were much cheaper. I wonder if this might be possible wrt a divorce? I know you need to have the first couple of meetings face to face but, thereafter it's probably mainly paperwork isn't it?

Pisssssedofff Sun 24-Apr-16 13:46:28

Mumsnet is great and I largely ignored most of the advice given and am paying the price now. It's so hard at the time you feel so weak but have to be stronger than ever and really dig in. She will find out who her friends are pretty quickly and luckily she has a good family to rely on.

mysecretvalentine25 Sun 24-Apr-16 16:55:32

Thanks again Pissssedofff flowers I think she's slowly coming to terms with the fact that it's not salvageable, largely because the pot of trust is empty, he's doing nothing to fill it and she will never be 100% sure that he hasn't relapsed.

Snoringlittlemonkey Tue 26-Apr-16 08:33:06

Sorry to go down amother route but has she been tested for STIs? If he's had multiple partners it's possible that he may have picked something up. Best to get checked out as soon as possible.

Starting point with no kids is 50/50 split. Then you go into negotiations on specific assets. It will be considered a long marriage so everything will be in the pot regardless of who paid what bills in recent months. She needs professional support if she is to negotiate effectively. I had a SHL and she was worth her weight in gold. Self represent as a last resort but it's a stressful time to be learning on the job!

Pisssssedofff Tue 26-Apr-16 10:42:33

I reckon most escorts would be cleaner than a girl picked up in a club tbh, they will be using protection ....

mysecretvalentine25 Tue 26-Apr-16 11:20:47

Thanks Snoring. What is an SHL?

aginghippy Tue 26-Apr-16 12:07:35

SHL = shit hot lawyer

mysecretvalentine25 Tue 26-Apr-16 12:54:55

Thanks aginghippy.

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