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does this loser have any rights?

(18 Posts)
diamond457 Thu 14-Apr-16 14:42:37

I'm 26. I got pregnant when I was 19. I was a very silly girl and was with the biological dad for around six months. We weren't together during the pregnancy and he was not present at the birth. He is not on the birth certificate even though I gave him that chance.
When my daughter was three months old he stole my bank card and cleared me out. I did not find this out until I said to him I was going to asda for groceries. He vanished at That point and he left us with no money for bills or food. I had to borrow money from my parents and grandmother.
He vanished, and when my baby was 9 months I allowed him to see her despite the fact he hadn't paid a penny in maintence sinse stealing from us. He cried and said he wanted to be a good dad.
After that meeting he hasn't been in touch. Not even a card on her first birthday. Not one Xmas present, not a penny in any of that time.
I have been with my partner for five years and he is a great dad to my daughter. We both work and provide everything.
In those five years it came to light that the biological dad turned into a conman. Was in the papers for conning a certain celebrity. Conned people online for thousands and a general theif.
He got in contact with me today and asked to see our six year old. I told him to jog on.
I don't think he can take me to court due to all the warrants for his arrest but I just want to get some advice as to what my rights are because my daughter is perfect and my partner is a fantastic parent and I don't Want this scumbag upsetting her or my family.

AnchorDownDeepBreath Thu 14-Apr-16 14:45:53

I think if he did take you to court, he could request a dna test to prove he is the father and then he'd get parental rights. He'd probably be able to ask for some contact, as it doesn't appear that he's been violent, although this would probably be short supervised periods as your daughter doesn't know him, and build up when she is comfortable to do so.

If he's not likely to take you to court, nothing can happen.

Onlytimewilltell Thu 14-Apr-16 15:04:30

I have no idea about these things but maybe say the child maintenance people are looking to chase six years worth of backdated payments, and you want the money he stole from you. Then hopefully you won't hear from him again?

RudeElf Thu 14-Apr-16 15:08:15

I would ignore him. He'll probably disappear again, if not then dont waste any energy getting stressed until you get a court summons.

RudeElf Thu 14-Apr-16 15:10:00

Or do what onlytime suggests. Work out 6 years of child support based on a minimum wage full time job and ask him to forward you a bankers draft for that amount.

RudeElf Thu 14-Apr-16 15:10:26

Or ask for his address so that CSA can contact him to collect payment.

Fourormore Thu 14-Apr-16 15:19:00

No point doing that - the CMS don't backdate claims.

I would ignore until you receive a request for mediation.

RudeElf Thu 14-Apr-16 15:23:51

He mightnt know that four. But yes. Ignore till you get get something you cant ignore. Then threaten CMS and follow through. I wonder if it is possible to sue him for backdated child support? Probably cost a fortune so not an option.

ElderlyKoreanLady Thu 14-Apr-16 15:30:09

It'd be very interesting to see the figures on the number of parents who've been entirely absent for many years then suddenly care enough to take the matter to court. I imagine the number is quite miniscule.

Currently he has no leg to stand on at all.

diamond457 Thu 14-Apr-16 15:39:13

I don't think he will take me to court. He's on the run as far as I am aware so he doesn't have a permanent address. In fact he once used my address for some crime related money matter even though he has never lived here. The bayliffs threatened me and I had to prove my identity and prove that he didn't live with me. He's a conman. All he cares about is money yet doesn't have a pot to piss in. He also doesn't work or claim benefits due to getting caught. He gets by from gambling and sofa surfing. He's a deadbeat.
Mad enough to have laid eyes on him seven years ago but I had no clue about all this gambling and conning people stuff. I want nothing to do with it and I don't want him near my daughter. She's so brilliant and I Don't want him messing about in her life. As I said my partner is a fantastic parent to her, he really is everything this sperm doner is not.

RudeElf Thu 14-Apr-16 17:07:36

Well then dont even acknowledge his request. Respond to nothing else. Get on with your life. He was probably trying to impress a new girlfriend who he has spun a whole web of lies to about how you wont let him see the child and new GF in her naivety has said he must fight for his rights.

titchy Thu 14-Apr-16 17:21:51

If he took it to court, unless you could prove he was a danger to your child, he would be granted permission to have contact, suitable for your child given her age and lack of existing relationship.

Whether he takes it to court is another matter however.

FelicityR313 Thu 14-Apr-16 17:26:02

Sounds like part of some new scheme he has designed to gain favour with a court or something.

WannaBe Thu 14-Apr-16 17:33:00

If he went to court then yes he would most likely get some access. And parental rights. But he would need to go to court for that.

Does your DD know anything about him? Does she know for instance that your DP is not her biological dad? Because if not then I would be at the very least talking to her a little bit about him, just in case he does actually go to court.

There have been mn'ers whose ex's have turned up after years and have been granted access, so while it's not necessarily something that will happen unless he pursues it you need to be prepared for the fact that if he does pursue it then he will likely be granted access on the basis that your DD has a right to a relationship with him.

It's not about his rights, but about your dd's.

Creampastry Thu 14-Apr-16 18:14:24

Arrange to meet him and tell the police.

diamond457 Thu 14-Apr-16 19:21:57

Dd calls my partner by his name but knows nothing about her father, I have nothing good to say about him. When she is older I will explain the facts when she's around 8/9 I will listen to what she thinks/wants.
She tells other people that dp is dad. She's aware he's a father figure, have never lied but she's too young to explain to her that her real dad stole from us and deserted her. No birthday or Xmas cards etc and the things he does to other people.
I am prepared but like others have said unless I get a letter from the courts I won't worry. He's too selfish to be a parent. I can't see him pushing for access.

ForgivenNotForgotten Thu 14-Apr-16 19:54:17

I think you are probably best to sit tight and wait for nothing to happen. Must be so stressful for you though. Please keep on not worrying. From what you are saying, it seems that your dd has a stable and loving family right now, so she will be fine whatever happens. You'll probably never hear from him again.

runningincircles12 Fri 15-Apr-16 13:59:19

He sounds nice...
In terms of does he has any rights? Well, yes, legally he is her father. However, he does not have parental responsibility so you do not need to consult him about major decision's relating to DD's upbringing. So he doesn't have the full 'parental rights' that make up parental responsibility.

He can make an application for contact with her (a child arrangements order). However, he will have some major hurdles in convincing the court that he should be granted contact. The fact that he has been out of her life practically since birth isn't going to be a great start. Also, his 'interesting' past, lack of address, lack of motivation to get in touch before this etc isn't going to suggest responsible dad. If direct contact were ordered, it would need to be extremely gradual as anything else would potentially unsettle her greatly.

He could also apply for PR. One of the criteria the court has to consider when deciding whether to grant it is his commitment to his DD. From what you say, it seems pretty limited.

I would suggest that you say no to any contact, as previous posters have suggested. If he wants to apply to court, let him. But it could actually be quite damaging to your DD if you allowed contact now and he just rocked up and pretended everything was normal, so if there ever were to be contact, it would have to be gradual and managed and you would want some input from Cafcass or similar as to how it could be managed.

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