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no longer pregnant, abusve ex pursuing me/harassing via solicitor

(234 Posts)
buzzpop Thu 07-Apr-16 22:47:30

Please see my other thread on relationships 'please help me make sense of this' been through hell with ex, Emotionally abusive, bullying and very very controlling. Was pregnant, no longer am. He does not believe me, wants proof and continues to harass, police are involved too. My post below, WA suggested to post here in legal, Any thoughts reply welcome. I do not what to give him proof s this may put me at further risk from him, and also I know I do not have to legally, but I don't know what he will do next...

A letter from solicitor came via email today, no doubt he is blind copied, and exactly seven days just as he said in his last threatening emails.
I am shocked this family solicitors is proceeding as they are copied into my response to his threats stating he is continuing to harrass me and all further communication will be given to the Police.
It basically repeats what he has said in emails, that I 'allege to no longer be pregnant' , that this has come as a shock to their client because despite difficulties in the relationship with me, he was very happy at the news that he was to become a father, and to assist him in accepting that he is no longer to be a Father, please provide some documentary evidence from the hospital or your doctor to confirm you are no longer pregnant. Once our client has sight of this, he confirms he will not contact you again.
Understandably our client needs to be sure that the information you have provided is correct, as f you are having his child, he is keen to be fully involved both in the pregnancy and to be fully involved with his child following the birth.
We hope you will understand the position our client finds himself him and your cooperation would be appreciated.

I'm livid, torn between

- reporting it to Police as evidence of further harassment and letting solicitors know (though they already know this from prior emails that he CEO them into and I responded to stating it was ongoing harassment and would be forwarded to police)
- completely ignoring, not responding at all ... But I do not know what he will do after that....

The Police are being rubbish, still haven't arrested or done anything at all to him despite three separate reports and statements, I have to do a three hour round trip at the weekend to give in all my evidence to an officer who frankly, sounds like he sympathizes, and I didn't get good vibes off when I said I was no longer pregnant as a result of what has gone on... Originally I didn't want him arrested, but I do now. I've had enough, I want him out of my life and I want him to know he doesn't get to do this to women.

VegasIsBest Thu 07-Apr-16 23:02:29

Sorry no advice. Just wanted to say what an escape you've had. Horrible situation but well done for having the strength to deal with it.

I hope someone knowledgable can give you some good advice to help you move beyond this and get on with the rest of your life in peace.

wizzywig Thu 07-Apr-16 23:04:33

Report the solicitor to the law society. If you are able to actually visit the firm the solicitor works in, go and check that the person actually exists.

wizzywig Thu 07-Apr-16 23:06:39

Just thought, could this be a friend of yr ex's? Someone who is a solicitor but just using their email address and/ or letterheaded paper as a favour to your ex?

buzzpop Thu 07-Apr-16 23:22:11

Thank you Vegas

Wizzy - I have no recollection of him having any solicitor friends...it is a firm that deal with family matters, and the person he named/instructed in the email is a partner in the firm, I looked her up.
However the letter is emailed by family @xxxfirm.co.uk and not signed by an individual but by the agency so xxx and co, if that makes a difference. The terminology in the second paragraph reads as his emails have previously...perhaps they are doing it because they believe the phone will get more work/money from it? I arm concerned if I reply and it is a friend though, because in that case, that will stop him and he will know why, and what will he do next? Because he most certainly will do continue

buzzpop Thu 07-Apr-16 23:23:31

Apologies for typos, it's the iPad autocorrecting hmm

Collaborate Fri 08-Apr-16 07:03:55

I doubt a letter from the solicitor would constitute harassment that is actionable.

Could you not get a letter from your GP to confirm that?

If you don't want to disclose who your GP is (not an issue of he knows already) then perhaps your solicitor can redact the letter and send a copy.

veryproudvolleyballmum Fri 08-Apr-16 07:14:02

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

veryproudvolleyballmum Fri 08-Apr-16 07:14:25

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

AyeAmarok Fri 08-Apr-16 07:21:03

Could you not get a letter from your GP to confirm that?

Why should she? Her private medical details are quite frankly none of his business.

Penfold007 Fri 08-Apr-16 07:45:15

I really doubt that the emailed letter is genuine. I'd be tempted just to ignore.

MyUsernameDoesntHaveNumbers Fri 08-Apr-16 07:57:24

Absolutely report to the police.
And report as soon as possible.
You do not need to provide this information to your ex.
You have already told him that further communication will be sent to the police yet he is still contacting you. Follow through with this.
Not sure why was said to post here... Can they recommend a good solicitor to you?

Collaborate Fri 08-Apr-16 08:07:37

Why should she? Her private medical details are quite frankly none of his business.

I'm trying to find a constructive way to end the impasse.

donajimena Fri 08-Apr-16 08:53:55

I remember your last thread. I've no advice but I echo what PP have said and I doubt that the letter is genuine.
I think he will continue to harass you though if you ignore it (I'm not saying reply to it no fucking way!!!) Can you get advice from a different solicitor? Hopefully as this is legal board someone more knowledgeable will post soon.
I'm sorry for my waffling post but I have been thinking about you flowers

TotalConfucius Fri 08-Apr-16 09:03:00

Was it a PDF attached to a covering email? IME most solicitors when sending an important letter such as this still default to proper post, and if they do email they send the letter as a PDF to avoid all the server/time/date bumf appearing on papers that might later be laid before a court.
If you have already had dealings with the police, I might ask them to ring and confirm that the firm are corresponding with you. The firm would probably not confirm this to you, but a simply yes or no to a police officer would answer the question.

BrucieTheShark Fri 08-Apr-16 09:05:02

I would advise that you absolutely do not 'provide evidence' of any sort.

He sounds like a bona fide psychopath who would put posters up about you in your neighbourhood and spread rumours. And it's amazing how many 'pro life' zealots lurk amongst seemingly normal human beings.

Just keep reporting for harassment and ignore. I am completely pro choice but I would tell police and anyone else that needs to know that you had a miscarriage. It is nobody's business whatsoever and, as I said before, you'd be amazed what unpleasant opinions people keep under wraps.

Hamsolo Fri 08-Apr-16 09:07:36

I'm not sure why people doubt the solicitor's letter is genuine. It may well be. However, a solicitor's letter is not a summons to action. You can just ignore it. The man may then try to pursue a response via the courts (would be extreme...). At that point you may have to respond. As you are already in contact with the police, passing the letter to them and asking for advice as to whether it constitutes further harassment is probably the best way.

Are you in a position to appoint a solicitor to respond on your behalf of need be? It would be better to avoid any direct contact if you can.

petalsandstars Fri 08-Apr-16 09:13:47

Sorry this is still going on. I'd log it again with the police and not reply to the email. You do not have to give him evidence of your medical records and if you were pregnant he would have no rights to be involved in the pregnancy anyway. What did he expect- for the solicitor to demand that he attend scans, visit every week to feel your stomach and listen to a doppler? that was intended as sarcasm but actually I'd not have put it past him

LindorBunny Fri 08-Apr-16 09:29:21

Report the harassment.

When you open the email click on the sender and see if it says who really sent it? It sounds like the eBay/PayPal spam ones which say they're from PayPal, but are actually from scammer@scam.com. Google will show you how to check quite easily.

I strongly suspect that he's somehow faked the email. I would contact the firm. Ask to speak to their complaints/compliance manager and explain that you've received an email you purporting to come from them, but you suspect it isn't. They will take this kind of thing very seriously.

wizzywig Fri 08-Apr-16 09:31:56

He is such a dick isnt he?

HooseRice Fri 08-Apr-16 09:53:25

Rubber ear it.

Your ex is such a tit I wouldn't be surprised if he'd created a fake email account to send the message.

As PP said your medical history is private.

QuiteLikely5 Fri 08-Apr-16 09:58:30

Why don't you simply provide the evidence that you aren't pregnant?

Yes he seems mental and I think it was a good thing you didn't go through with it but personally I would give him proof so he can eff off.

KleineDracheKokosnuss Fri 08-Apr-16 10:04:00

You don't have to prove anything. Report to police.

Then. If you can afford it,get a solicitor to write to his, stating that he is harassing you, that you are not pregnant, and yhay your solicitor is surprised that his solicitor is assisting with his harassment of you. And that further contact will not be responded to, and will simply be passed to the police.

I've seen this before, and that is what my firm at the time did. It got rid of the stalker and made sure that the next letter from the solicitor was a hell of a lot more polite and apologetic than the first.

Collaborate Fri 08-Apr-16 10:11:39

Look - if you are lying about no longer being pregnant then he will have an "interest" in the child when born.

He will continue to plague you with requests/demands for information until you give him proof, and contrary to what some of the other posters on here seem to think (remember this is in Legal, not AIBU), he is not necessarily being unreasonable in asking for it.

After the baby is likely to have been born he may well issue a Children Act application. I recall doing it on one occasion a few years ago when we knew the woman was pregnant, guessed the baby had been born, but didn't have a name or any other information.

As for Why should she? Her private medical details are quite frankly none of his business. - OP has already given him the information (i.e. that she is no longer pregnant). A letter from the GP will merely act as proof of that.

OP - follow the AIBU-style advice on this thread if you want, but if your only interest is getting him off your back then find a way of getting proof to him. The GP letter is my suggestion. You may have another idea. It will involve you in less hassle than having to deal with a Children Act application.

Claraoswald36 Fri 08-Apr-16 10:14:57

Been thinking about you op glad you posted something even though it's awful.
I'm also amazed a solicitor is facilitating this. It's not a legal right with an unborn baby.
I would be blocking all contact. Block the email address. Don't open the letters if they come in paper form, just bin them. He can't get a court order for anything there's no legal binding here.

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