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Court appearance when breastfeeding(10 Posts)
I have to go to court tomorrow in relation to a customer who tried to commit fraud against a pensioner, via my work. Sorry I need to be a bit vague.
I am EBF my 8 month old daughter, she's at the peak of separation anxiety, only sleeps in a dark room, feeds lying down, and I am terrified about leaving her (even for a short period) because I've never done it before.
I'm told to prepare to be there all day, so I need to take her with me. My mum is coming too.
She's not going to be able to sleep, she will freak out at the strangers, and I don't want to be there all day.
There's no way out of this, is there? I rang the witness service and they can't even provide me with a calm, darkened room, because the lighting system is automatic. I feel sick about this, never mind having to give evidence.
I know it wil lbe hard but your daughther will survive one day of not sleeping great. And she will cope with being away from you.
She's 8 months. I think you need to separate out her nutritional needs and emotional needs. Is she eating a reasonable amount of solids? Will she drink water from a sippy cup? If the answer to both the above is yes, then (nutritionally!) she will be fine without breastmilk for the day so if she doesn't feed it's really not the end of the world.
I realise you're likely very anxious about the prospect of leaving her, but given that you think she's unlikely to BF/sleep in the court, and given that you think she will find the process very stressful (which means by extension you and your mum will find it very stressful), might it be worth considering leaving her and your mum at home, so your DD is in a familiar environment, which might be less stressful to her overall. Of course this depends on how familiar your DD is with your DM and whether your DM is willing to do this, but it sounds like it might be a less fraught solution than the one you describe.
Agree with pp, it would be far easier to leave her at home with your mum.
You should however tell the usher that you're BF and ask if you can give your evidence earlier in the day. It isn't always possible as the judge/mag/jury usually prefer to hear evidence in a roughly chronological order, but definitely worth a try.
My son was fussy and clingy as hell at 8 months... and nine months... He was far worse with other people when I was around as it haf to be mummy, mummy, mummy.
He was quite happy with others when I wasn't there. Also an ebf formula refuser, but could easily survive on solids and water all day.
I agree with pp that you will have a much more stressful time with dd around. I'm sure your dm will be fine and it will probably be good for dd to start getting used to mummy coming and going a bit so she can develop the understanding that you come back.
Much better to focus on yourself for the day so you can be in a good frame of mind on the witness stand.
Giving evidence in court is stressful enough and you will need to be able to concentrate. I think you should leave your baby with your mum but agree about asking to give evidence early in the day if possible. Good luck!
I disagree about you leaving her at home. At 8 months DD2 would not have accepted any other liquid except BF - from me. No bottles, no dummies until she was 11 months
believe me I tried. An upset and dehydrated child would have awaited me. If your DD does accept bottles then this might be worth considering but not if you don't want to. If you've never left her before this might not be the day to start.
Also you'll be achy and sore and engorged. Never nice to have to go express yourself in a toilet cubicle.
If the court needs you to attend as a witness then they have to accept the you are a BF mother. It might not be ideal but one day of being unsettled won't have long term implications. Can you take a buggy/car seat with a hood that you can turn into a corner to block out the brighter lights and strangers? Drape a cloth over to make it a little dimmer?
Thank you all for your comments. I hadn't really considered leaving her at home before, because she's a snacker, she feeds 16-19 times a day (according to my app!)
She's good with solids for my husband and I, but we let both grannies have a try in preparation for a day like this and it ended in hysterics! With regards her sippy cup, it's more a toy, she's still practising! It's mostly a sip then a watery raspberry - I don't know how much actually goes in!
If I were to leave her I'd have to express through the day - she's been asleep for an hour and I'm engorged and uncomfortable. I will ring them though and ask if that's what I choose, is there a private room with a plug I can use.
She's not great with EBM in a bottle, but we've been practicing this too. If there's 2oz in the bottle she'll take an oz and she's done. She might take more in extreme circumstances - if she's aware that I'm not handy, but I don't want to experiment with that tomorrow and potentially come home to an exhausted dehydrated baby.
She's in her big pram now, as opposed to the car seat on the frame, and I have a sunshade for it like a rain cover - that might do to darken the room for a snooze.
I'm really undecided, but I have more options either way - thank you for all your comments - it's given me a new perspective!
If this was an emergency you would muddle through and she would be fine.
Whatever you end up doing, she will be with someone caring for her at all times, no it won't be her best ever day, it will be a PITA, but she will be ok overall. I'd rather put the effort into planning a nice gentle day the next day, with chocolate for you, than making arrangements for the court day. It's kind of trying to plan the unplannable.
I would really reconsider bringing her to court all day - courts are full of undesirables!! ( and that's just the Judges)- I have had to go a few times to accompany young people I work with and it can be very intimidating. Maybe you could meet outside the court at lunch to feed her? Let the clerk know and see if you can give evidence as early as possible.
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