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Police report leads to Social services/council involved?

(13 Posts)
Aleahim82 Fri 29-Jan-16 13:25:10

Hi everyone this is my first time posting here but I always found great advice before just by reading the site ! I'm new to this kind of stuff so please if someone can answer my questions as I am very concerned.
Long story short, my husband and I had our last serious argument which ended up with me reporting him to the police for the first time. My reporting to the police was my final cry of help in dealing with an emotionally and verbally abusive and controlling husband - never physically. The report ended without any consequences for him, he wasn't arrested but I am in contact with victim support to help me deal with this in the best interest for me and our two children but also for him, I don't want him arrested, I just want separation. Today he messaged me saying he doesn't want to live anymore and because he didn't answer my calls for more than two hours I contacted the police again to ask for help, as I don't want anything bad to happen to him or for him to hurt himself. He eventually called back and he is ok, asking for forgiveness again and things like that..
My question is : with these issues between us, police being involved now, should I be worried about social services getting involved? We have our 2 boys that live with us in the same house and they have never been abused or anything by my husband no matter how bad things got between me and him. If the social services do get involved what should I expect?
Thank you so much for helping me on this!

BeagBoo Fri 29-Jan-16 13:28:07

I can't answer with certainty but the fact that you are protecting yourself and kids by pushing forth with separation will go hugely in your favour. Well done OP. X

aginghippy Fri 29-Jan-16 13:42:25

If the children were present during the incident which led to you calling the police, then the police are obliged to send a report to social services. They do this to make sure the children are protected.

Once social services receive the report, depending on the circumstances, they may decide to take no further action or they may decide to investigate. If they investigate, they will arrange to speak to you, your husband and the children. They will also ask for information from the dc's school/nursery, gp and any other professionals involved with them.

Once they have done all that, they would then make recommendations based on what they find out.

Pannn Fri 29-Jan-16 13:43:50

You have nothing to be concerned about - only the police may make a referral in these circs with no other agency involved- highly unlikely to - and even if that happened you may get a phone call or a brief visit from a SW and thatwould be it.

aginghippy Fri 29-Jan-16 13:46:12

Yes, I should have said. If ss investigate and they think the dc are fine, they would close the case and that's the end of it.

Tiggeryoubastard Fri 29-Jan-16 13:49:58

If the children are aware of these issues then that IS abuse. If he's out of your house now and you keep it that way then they will see that you want to protect your children if they are involved. Which they probably should be. And ignore the threats from the ex.

Strangeoccurence Fri 29-Jan-16 13:50:05

They may give you a phone call (if dc were present when police came). This is usually to see if they can be of any help. They often can be in cases like this. They were for me!

You are taking steps to safeguard, so they will only see positives in your actions.

As for your hubby, if he keeps contacting you with guilt trips etc. I would push for a non molestation order. Again, it will be seen as safeguarding and it is a milder step than pressing charges.
If he breaches this, it all falls on him if he gets arrested as he will have it all laid out to him what is expected with the non mol.

Well done for getting out! Stay strong and dont listen to his sob stories

Aleahim82 Fri 29-Jan-16 15:28:06

This means so much to me, having someone who understands and supports me... Thank you everyone for your support and answering my questions! I am doing everything I can to make sure my children are safe and have a normal life and I can only hope this will be as painless as possible for them, the pressure of having their mum and dad in such bad terms is the worst thing for them and I never wanted to hurt them.
I haven't been contacted by social services yet, it's day 2 since the report was made, so I guess this is quite early... the decision I made to put an end to this is final and yes it is a struggle to keep my grounds but I'm doing this for myself and my children. I have to and I need help and I will take every step necessary to be able to call our house a home again, not a psychological battle ground. I can only hope for the best...social services are there to protect children when needed and I understand that perfectly. Thank you again smile

ObsidianBlackbirdMcNight Fri 29-Jan-16 15:40:18

They may do, but they won't be coming in like the child snatcher so try not to worry.
I will say, if your relationship is volatile enough that you're phoning the police and he's threatening suicide, then the children are extremely likely to experience harm. Even if they don't get directl abused, living with domestic abuse is harmful in itself.
Do you want support to leave him?

Aleahim82 Fri 29-Jan-16 15:57:12

I am meeting a solicitor and getting advice, I have never done this before.. I do not want to leave our house simply because a change in house/school/friends will be a change my boys don't need now, on top of everything else that's going on. He is considering leaving but hasn't yet...
A non-molestation order is my choice as well now so I'll see how this goes on...

Strangeoccurence Fri 29-Jan-16 16:02:35

If a non mol is already an option, then i would seriously consider accepting it now. It would help get him out, unless he is joint owner. I have no idea where things stand there. Your solicitor will though

Good luck with the solicitor tomorrow smile

justjuanmorebeer Sun 31-Jan-16 01:19:53

Op well done for getting out.
I was previously in a similar situation with dd's Dad, been separated now since 2014.

Please buy yourself a book called 'why does he do that?' By Lundy Bancroft. It will make you realise so much. His behaviour with the suicide threats etc is literally, textbook.
Stay strong. Well done.

cestlavielife Mon 01-Feb-16 23:33:37

So you still living together in the same house ?

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