Ex dh and his lawyers- form e and court

[lavenderhoney]

I have posted in divorce but am posting here too - my form e is due in court early next week. I am self representing. His lawyer wrote to me today saying he hadn't bothered with a new form e for ex dh ( we are divorced, it's for financials) as we are so close to resolution. News to me, frankly. We are still waiting for accountants and must press on.

What happens if they/ he don't send it in? Or to me? I only found out this evening when they sent me a late email telling me they weren't planning on sending by the court schedule.

I'm still going to send mine, of course.

[DorynownotFloundering]

You send yours, and take a copy of that email to add to the pile of things to give to the judge. The court takes a dim view of stroppy exes wasting court time & it may well go in your favour.

Good luck.

[lavenderhoney]

Thanks - I haven't received anything from his solicitors and we are due in court for an fda hearing - and he is taking me to court, and now furious with me for not just agreeing to the agreement to save him money! I'm self representing.

Should I be writing to anyone about it? do the court chase it up?

[Sprig1]

You don't need to write to anyone about it. Just make sure you have submitted everything you should have done. Turn up to court as agreed and he will be reprimanded for not adhering to the court schedule.

[lavenderhoney]

His lawyer is panicking and trying to force me ( as is he) to agree the agreement. The form e would help, as there is quite a lot of money involved, which dh I think is hiding offshore and the bulk of it is mine. It's in his name, I have discovered recently, to my detriment. Also he has foreign properties outside the EU he is hiding.

He is also going against the children's order he insisted on, and now I have found nasty emails about me to DS whom is only just 8. I have deleted the mail account and wondering if I have to involve his lawyers/ Carfass as the email account of my DS was on the order. DS doesn't want to get mails like that, and is v stressed.

[DorynownotFloundering]

I bet he is panicking, smile & nod, "see you in court"

If you have any evidence of the offshore dealings do take them with you to court.

Also make sure the court order & his failure to adhere to it is mentioned, just factually, no emotion. (hard to do I know)

You could mention the emailing directly to DS & the distress it has caused but not sure it is relevant in as much as this is about the financial aspects.

Keep it up your sleeve maybe in case the court asks.

[lavenderhoney]

He has sent me another completely different financial proposal via email which his lawyer doesn't know about as he has nagged me ceaselessly to reply to the original one - which is rubbish and needs to be changed plus they keep saying I should sign to avoid court although it's not in my or the DC favour - ( over a two day period) he is the one taking me to court (!)

He is not going by the children's order he insisted on, and I've had to write to his lawyer about that as well. He is already over the date he set to tell me his arrangements.

I don't know what to do.

[DorynownotFloundering]

Don't give in to pressure. Do it all through the court so you get some back up.

If he hasn't shown his solicitor that new proposal send it to him so he has the same documents as you for court.

Send him one more email saying you will only discuss things through his solicitor,not directly unless its to do with the kids arrangements or welfare.

Ignore.

When are you in court?

[marriednotdead]

It may not feel it at the moment but in many ways you have the upper hand. You are playing by the rules of the court and legal system, which takes a very dim view of those who don't.

Perhaps you could let his solicitor know about the vile email to your DS while you're forwarding the other version of the proposal (neither of which you will agree to by the way- let the judge play fair).

If you have evidence that he has falsified/omitted parts of his Form E then court will be interesting. That's why he wants to avoid going there.

KOKO Lavender

[lavenderhoney]

Thanks - his lawyer has completely ignored me and also he is now breaking the terms of the children's order he wanted in place. He is messing me about with dates, chopping and changing - he was supposed to tell me at the end of Nov but didn't so I gave him til Friday just gone and told his lawyer he hadn't responded and they all ignored me.

He is also being vindictive on his emails trying to negotiate a different agreement to one the his lawyer is keen for me to sign. It's at total odds with his new one and she tells me she is fully aware of my difficulties however it needs to be signed ASAP to avoid court. She ignored me when I write back and say why I can't sign it, and just sends more aggressive letters.

I feel incredibly vunerable and intimidated, and they both know it:( I don't feel I have an upper hand at all.

[lavenderhoney]

Married, he hasn't sent me his form e. It should have been sent by the court schedule a week ago. He has mine and is making comments on it to me:(

I am in court unless it's all settled at the beginning of January.

[marriednotdead]

Thinking aloud. What are the cons of going to court for you? You want it settled, ex is not going to offer to make a fair agreement and is trying to hide assets. He can comment on your form. You don't have to respond, and until he shows you his then I absolutely wouldn't.

If you won't agree then it has to go to court, which he seems suddenly keen to avoid. Why?
Sometimes doing nothing actually has more power. It takes two to have a fight and if you refuse to engage, it doesn't necessarily mean you'll automatically lose in this situation.

[lavenderhoney]

Cons are the fear that he is right and a judge will punish me for leaving him and not giving him yet another chance. The judge will teach me a lesson, according to him and make me and the DC homeless.

Bizarrely he has emailed me outling his strategy to get away with not paying anything towards the DC and appearing jobless/ homeless. He says his lawyer is backing him as his lawyer also thinks I'm a nasty bitch and will be punished for breaking up the family, as he was willing to try again.

I will write to his lawyer tomorrow, and take say only through him now- ex dh emails are vindictive and aggressive.

[DorynownotFloundering]

Ignore the emails, don't respond, that will rattle him more.

Take a copy of each one to court with you.

If his lawyer is ignoring you too make a note of when you contacted them with no reply too.

Your ex is a bully & trying to get you to cave in with vile threats & downright lies.

I agree with PP he's trying to not go to court, I think he is rattled as he's not used to you standing up to him & he's realised he is going to made to look very foolish in court.

Hold strong & stick to the original court agreement, he is a nasty piece of work but you are doing just the right thing, the judge will see through him .

Do you have anyone to go to court with you?

[sparechange]

Let it go to court.
My exH refused to submit his form E. The judge gave him a dressing down, and made him pay all the costs associated with the hearing.
My exH had also sent me an email saying his parents were going to bank roll his legal bills and smoke me out until I ran out of money and gave in to his offer.
The judge took a vey dim view of that as well...
They really are fair. Don't fear court especially when you have a paper trail of twattishness from him

[DorynownotFloundering]

Well done "sparechange" !

I was chatting to a friend who is a family lawyer the other day, & she said this is sadly very common & the court do look kindly on petitioners (usually women) who are representing themselves & are well aware of ALL the moves most men make as it does follow a pattern. She also said that if you can, keep it factual, present evidence & make it as much about the children as you can, which will undercut his attempts to paint you as a gold-digger.

Your Ex is upping the ante because you are not behaving the way he thought, you are being strong & standing up to him & he doesn't like it & is rattled

[lavenderhoney]

His email about a new agreement is actually better- although he is stil dodging maintenance and wanting to drop it to pay his cost of living.

So I wrote ( ignoring his histrionics) to him and his lawyer saying when would I have the new settlement suggestion. They've all ignored me, for a week now - I don't know what I'm doing/ what in supposed to be looking at- and I have to send the FDA documents by last Christmas post to get it to court. Still haven't had his form e.

He arrives soon, to see the DC- it's going to be hell. Although he insisted on a court order he won't follow it, and it's going to be so hard because I'm quite nervous of his temper. He lives abroad so I have no idea if he is staying for court.

[DorynownotFloundering]

Stick to your guns,if he lives abroad he will get away with no maintenance.If its court ordered & you argue strongly for a one off large sum it might work in your favour more.

If he isn't sticking to the court order, go out with the kids other than when the agreement says. Or have someone with you at access times so you can all parrot " we're sticking to the agreed order" repeat ad nauseum.

[DollyTwat]

Lavender if you were in the ME maybe the judge would punish you, but you're not, and the courts here don't do that

I think the idea of a lump sum is a good one, as he won't give you maintainance, and it will be a constant struggle to get it

Try to work out the best deal for you - ie he pays off the mortgage on your house and a bit of cash. That way you're free of being dependant on him in any way

Keep being strong honey x

[lavenderhoney]

his lawyer said to ignore his emails. Is that normal?

Anyway, I'm trying to put together docs to file for the FDA without his form e as he won't do another one - he did a voluntary one in Feb which was fictional and answered no comment to everything questioned.


His lawyer said nothing had changed (!) he lied all through it - and he would let me know if any significant changes (!) and surely the court and judge won't accept that? When I did mine and filed it?

[DorynownotFloundering]

Yes ignore your exes emails- only respond to say the children will be available for contact on as agreed in court.

Don't engage in discussion repeat as needed, ignore any insults or wheedling. If he turns up on non access days try & be out or have someone else to go to the door. Keep a diary of these events.

You get your ducks in a row for court, his behaviour will speak for itself .

[BlackeyedSusan]

try to view the emails as something good for you. means he is getting depserate, or giving you evidence for court. try to step back and laugh at his twattishness and think the nastier the better they are for the file.

(I have no legal advice only advise on how to cope with twatex)

[lavenderhoney]

Thanks - and he's completely ignored the children's order, just turning up and getting cross when I said he should stick to the order he wanted and he applied for! he just completely ignores it. I suppose I should write to his solicitor about that too.

[traviata]

Do a questionnaire for the FDA based on the form E he did in February, then ask the judge to order him to do an updated one anyway.

[lavenderhoney]

Ive done that, and will look at it it more detail plus print off any comms from him that might help on the day. He has smart London lawyers and a barrister and I have only me. So I'm at a massive disadvantage before we start. Thankfully he is too busy to be there on the day himself.

[lavenderhoney]

Ex dh has also added in thousands of pounds worth of debt to his parents ( wtf). I have a new form e from his lawyers, it is now signed but still months out of date.

We've been divorced for nearly a year and and I can't see the money going in anywhere- it's just a number on his form e. He also had debts from friends which apparently was cash ( thousands) and now that's on there too. There's no proof of any of this.

The whole thing is ludicrous. he also completely ignored the children's order recently and all I can say is it's probably lucky I've been home and not gone away after he decided childcare wasn't really his bag and dropped the DC back Christmas Day. Unannounced.