My feed
Premium

Please
or
to access all these features

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you have any legal concerns we suggest you consult a solicitor.

Legal matters

Police caution and working in school, risk of losing my job?

5 replies

ilosteverything · 21/02/2015 22:32

Long story short. I have been separated from ex for 2 years due to affair with much younger girl. We have one DD aged 8.
I thought I was moving on, everything was getting better, I detached completely from them and went NC with ex. I have been getting counselling, been on antidepressants but generally was moving on.
I blamed ex for all but also OW as she kept lying about everything, she did not step back when I asked. When my ex and myself tried to reconcile at some point, she was still there, always ready for his moment of weakness. There were loads of horrible situations including me and my daughter catching them in bed or meeting her going out of our house, or her cruising in her car around my workplace with her friends. She never has shown any remorse, she was just laughing straight in my face and even said openly she cares only about her being happy with my ex.

Last week I met her by accident in the city. We had an argument and she was again laughing at me and saying that she has him now and doesn't care about my daughter suffering or mine. She was extremely rude. I've lost it and slapped her in the face. I do not remember actual hitting her but there is evidence I did. Everything was recorded on cctv and there apparently was a witness. She called the police and I walked away. I could not even recall the events properly.
I wasn't arrested and went to the police station couple of days later to explain I was provoked by someone responsible for breakdown of my marriage.

The result is that I am facing the prospect of being cautioned by police and the caution will go onto my criminal record. I am in full time employment that involves working with children. I know this will end my career instantly as I will have to disclose it to my employer and they will have to dismiss me. I do not even know how much time do I have to disclose it, or can I just leave work first to avoid further humiliation.
Ex asked her not to press charges but she refuses... she wants revenge. I met with her and apologised, still it is not enough...

I am going to solicitors on Monday to learn about any options. But it looks like I do not have many. Could anybody support me with any words of wisdom... I haven't been practically eating for a couple of days, cannot sleep, my child is distressed. Just waiting for my parents to come to take care of my girl. I cannot believe this is happening to me...

OP posts:
Report
lalalonglegs · 22/02/2015 18:18

You poor thing - it sounds like you were provoked horribly. I'm afraid I haven't got any advice other than to hope your ex can persuade her to drop the matter. I suppose the other alternative is to refuse to accept the caution and go to court and hope that the judge agrees there was extenuating circumstances but it's a big risk. I really feel for you Flowers.

Report
InfinitySeven · 22/02/2015 18:32

Okay, so you went to the police station.

Have they arrested you? Are they investigating?

If they are investigating, or you have been arrested and bailed, then you could face either a conviction or caution for assault. If you work with children, your employer should be (and usually automatically is) notified once you had been sentenced, but your employment contract will probably state that you need to tell them sooner.

If she wants to press charges, then the above is likely to be the case, especially as their is evidence. You may well be advised to plead guilty for a lesser sentence. Make sure you have good legal advice at all times.

What happens after that is rather fluid. There will be risk assessments. Depending on what your actual job is, you may have to do reduced duty or be suspended while a decision is made on whether you can continue. Do you have any involvement with OFSTED? It's unlikely, but possible, that someone could alert them and they would also investigate. The good thing is that your assault was against an adult, not a child, and you have clear mitigating circumstances. The bad thing is that if you cannot remember it, you probably don't know whether the CCTV will show that you were provoked.

The important thing is that you're going to need to be on the ball, so you need to look after yourself. Your parents looking after your daughter sounds like a good idea. Now you need to have a cry and go for a run to release anger, and then start eating and pulling yourself back together, so that you are ready to face the world. You will have to talk about this and explain what happened, and also show people that it was a one-off.

Resigning won't make a difference, so I wouldn't even consider that at this stage. It'll look better for you in future jobs if you stay at this job for a while afterwards, if that's possible, even if you later decide that you want to move on. It'll be declarable for a period afterwards anyway (the "spent" period depends on your age when you commit the offence and your sentence, but it will always be disclosed on an enhanced DBS check anyway.)

It sounds horrific, and I feel for you, but this has happened to plenty of other people and they get through it. You will too. Now one foot in front of the other, and you'll be okay.

Report
InfinitySeven · 22/02/2015 18:34

PS - It doesn't matter about her not dropping it. If she has reported it and there is a large amount of evidence, such as CCTV, the police can pursue it anyway. They make the final decision.

I'd also take very careful legal advice before deciding whether to accept a caution, plead guilty or not guilty, or let it go to court. The possible outcomes are hugely different for each and the wrong choice could have a big affect on your life and career. A solicitor needs to advise - the duty solicitor will be good enough, if that's all you have access too.

Report
Fiddlerontheroof · 22/02/2015 18:38

Can I just say a massive hug to you, I was in your situation, and it was only luck that I didn't deck her one, as I knew she would gleefully press charges. I'm not surprised you did what you did, lord knows I've been pushed there, and there is some stuff I did I'm not proud of, and what little I did, she pushed as far as she could and I had a police officer visit, but no caution....and that was just from shouting at her!! I'm so so sorry that she is behaving in such a nasty vindictive way. Surely being part of the breakdown of someone's marriage is bad enough, without all this bollocks.

I really hope it turns out ok for you xx

Report
Earlybird · 22/02/2015 18:39

What an upsetting and ugly situation. Could proceeding with this backfire on OW?

If you lose your job, and become unemployable in your profession because of this incident, you clearly will not be earning. Is it possible your ex could then potentially have a greater financial responsibility toward you and your dd? If so, that could have a direct impact on OW and their life together.

Obviously, I have no legal knowledge and could be on completely the wrong track....just wondering out loud.

And it goes without saying, that you must not engage with this woman in future. Just keep walking no matter what she says/does, put down the phone, etc.

Report
Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.