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Legal matters

Financial matters and moving in together

6 replies

clareabouts · 07/10/2014 17:46

I am planning to move in with DP. He owns his house, has a small mortgage, an erratic income and monthly maintenance payments for his two DC. I earn much more but have no property or other assets. We intend to stay in his current house for six months to a year, then buy somewhere together.

Once we buy, we'll just each pay whatever share of the mortgage seems appropriate to our incomes, but we're trying to work out the most equitable way to manage our finances in the period when I'm living at his house. The options we've considered are:

  1. I pay him half the mortgage as rent
  2. I pay bills and living expenses, he continues to pay the mortgage
  3. I pay for the work that needs to be done on the house to bring the eventual selling cost up (mostly superficial, but it could do with a new kitchen and bathroom and the garden is a catastrophe)
  4. I pay nothing and save up to give us a bigger deposit when we buy a place of our own


We're both equally happy with all of these options, but I want to make sure that the existing equity in his house is ring-fenced as his (because his DC should inherit it one day; my mother's father's money and property all went to her stepmother when he died, and I don't want to be the person who does that to my DSC) and that I'm not leaving myself financially wide open if things go tits up in the future. Any thoughts? Have we missed an obvious answer?
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CaleyThistle · 07/10/2014 19:10

Do the DCs live with their father? I'm assuming not if he pays a maintenance allowance but do they stay every 2nd weekend for example? That would make a difference to living expenses.
When you say you have no assets, do you have any deposit to put down on the new joint house? Is the sale of his current house going to fund a deposit on your new home with you just paying a share of the joint mortgage? That makes things quite complicated moving forward!
Definitely not 3 or 4 above. Once you've paid to do up his kitchen and bathroom there's nothing to stop him kicking you out (sorry to be harsh!) Why not get his house on the market now as it could take 6 months to sell and a new buyer may want a new kitchen anyway.
Why don't you stick with your current arrangement until you buy a house together? That's the safest, financially, thing for you to do.
My OH and I bought our home with me putting down the 40% deposit, but we earn roughly the same so pay 50:50 for the remaining mortgage and bills. If we split up, my share of the house is 70% - but I also contribute that % for home improvements etc (not general DIY).
You probably need a solicitor's advice when you come to buy - and a will each!

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clareabouts · 07/10/2014 19:27

Yes, the sale of the house will form the deposit and we'll have to make an arrangement about who get what if we split up after we buy. I'd be paying a larger proportion of the mortgage, with whatever he put in to begin with ringfenced for the DC (this is at my request).

I think you're right re. a solicitor - it's too complicated and too important for us to make it up as we go along. I guess I thought paying to do the house up would be equivalent to paying him rent, i.e. I'm just paying my way, so if we were to split up before selling the house I'd only have spent what I would otherwise have spent on rent, but I'd have been living in a nicer house. But I do take your point, though, that it's not necessarily the best plan.

I'm currently staying with DPs, having given up my rented flat when I lost my job (I start a new one in a fortnight), which is not a sustainable arrangement if I want to stay friends with my mother, hence plans to move in together sooner rather than later. I have been paying for more of our food, entertainment, holidays etc. so maybe I'll just keep doing that, and save my spare income to put towards a deposit when we do buy (although he will still have about 20 times what I do at that stage!)

Does that make sense?

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clareabouts · 07/10/2014 19:30

Oh, I failed to answer your first question. The DCs live abroad with their mother (with whom I get on very well, and I'd like it to stay that way!) and visit 3-4 times a year on an ad-hoc basis. We also go over for a couple of weekends a year and take them away for a few days in their home country. When they're here we split living expenses in much the same way as we do when they're not, taking turns to do big shops, paying for days out etc. The DC are adorable and I'm happy to pay my share of the cost of having them to stay, especially when it happens during DP's lean months (he works freelance from home, which means they can come and stay for long periods in the school holidays).

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clareabouts · 07/10/2014 19:37

Also, his oven is rubbish and I want a better one.

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CaleyThistle · 07/10/2014 20:59

I moved cities to be with my OH and his appliances, and furniture, were definitely a factor in us buying OUR place sooner rather than later!
The Daily Mail has an article today which might help - especially in terms of if you unfortunately separate or (eek!) one of you dies and how the house will pass to his kids (or otherwise).
You really need to have a think about how you split the mortgage / bills when buying your new home, and get this agreed upfront in writing.
I've been mulling over this and the only thing I can think of is you initially split the % based on his deposit, you both pay an equal share towards the mortgage, you save up the extra cash you earn, and this pot is used to pay off a chunk of the mortgage and your % share is reviewed when you come to remortgage.
Hopefully you'll get some alternative suggestions.
In answer to your original question, I'd pay half the groceries, BUT put an agreed amount equivalent to half gas/elec/phone/Council Tax plus a nominal rent into a dedicated kitty for moving/solicitors/home survey expenses.

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clareabouts · 07/10/2014 23:29

That makes sense too. I don't think I'm really at any risk; it's just a question of what's simplest and fairest to all interested parties. I like the idea of sharing living expenses and putting away the rest of what I can save. Thank you!

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