Should I put horrid father on the birth certificate?

[LouiseFromLondon]

I am expecting my first in September and will be a single parent. The father (an old friend) now says he doesn't want to be involved and has been quite unpleasant. He initially said he would contribute financially but has now stopped responding on email so I am resigned to letting the courts chase him for maintenance post-birth. My question is should I add his name to the birth certificate? I don't like the idea of my child having a blank space on the certificate as I know full well who the father is, but a friend of mine (also a single parent) said I would be safer to leave him off. Is this true? If it came to it (for legal reasons) the father could easily prove he is the dad and I would not deny it so I'm not sure what the point of leaving him off would be. I have no intention of giving him any access to the child though - I do not now think he is fit to be a father and would protest this in court if needed. Any knowledgeable advice would be most welcome - thank you!

[FlossyMoo]

If you are not married then to put his name on the birth certificate the father must accompany you when you register the child or complete the following.

Unmarried parents

The details of both parents can be included on the birth certificate if they do one of the following:
sign the birth register together
one parent completes a statutory declaration of parentage form and the other takes the signed form to register the birth
one parent goes to register the birth with a document from the court (for example, a court order) giving the father parental responsibility

[sillymillyb]

I'm not a legal bod but have been in your shoes.

If you want his name on birth certificate and you aren't married then he will have to attend with you to do it - so if he isn't responding to emails than this may be problematic.

He will then have parental responsibility, which makes you equals and he has as much say in your child's upbringing as you do.

If he isn't on birth certificate then he can apply for parental responsibility and will get it.

You will not get to decide he can't see your child (with or without birth certificate) as a court will always grant it as they feel it is your child's right to know both their parents. This is assuming no history of horrific crimes or anything, but even then it would likely be supervised contact.

I wish you all the best, for the record,my ds dad was awful when I was pregnant (we were friends too, and then he just disappeared) it took until ds was about 5 months old for him to get himself together, and he now visits once a month and pays regular maintenance. He will never win any parenting awards, but it's something.

Good luck

[ApplebyMennym]

You're right, if he decided to take you to court he could easily be granted PR as he is the child's father. It all comes down to how likely he is to do that, he says he doesn't want to be involved now but will he change his mind? I think in your situation I would talk to him about it and tell him the legality. You're not married so will be registering the child alone unless he attends. If he chooses not to attend he has no parental rights.

[ApplebyMennym]

Sorry I meant to type responsibility not rights there.

[Shallan]

As you're unmarried, you won't be able to put his name on the certificate without his co-operation, which doesn't sound likely.

If you do put him on the certificate, you are automatically giving him more legal rights, so in your shoes it would be a very bad idea.

You have pretty much no chance of stopping access - even violent offenders/sex offenders get access, it just may be supervised in a children's centre.

If you really don't want anything to do with him, then honestly your best bet would be to have nothing to do with him, no contact, and don't ask for maintenance. That increases the chances he'll just choose to ignore the whole situation and leave you alone.

[BoulevardOfBrokenSleep]

If his name is on the birth certificate, he will automatically have parental responsibility, which gives him a say in your child's schooling, medical treatment and any name changes.
I'm sure you can foresee situations where he could be an absolute pain in the arse about these things if he chose to be.

He says he doesn't want to be involved - I would take him at his word and leave him off. Yes, if he applies for PR it will be awarded by the court, but he would need to actually be arsed to do that.

A court would also award him access - general crapness will not rule this out (TBH even being violent does not rule this out) - but again, he'd have to get off his arse and apply for it.

[JaneParker]

Ask him.

[LouiseFromLondon]

Thank you everyone for all the advice - you've all been really helpful!

[sillymillyb]

Chunderella, not being snarky, but on what grounds may he not get it given a paternity test? I've never heard of anyone having it declined.

[Thefishewife]

No I wish I never did

[EverythingCounts]

On the basis of what I have read on here about what arsy ex partners can do to disrupt your life once they have PR, I would not, as Boulevard says. You can tell your child when they are older. It's not the 1950s anymore and a blank space on the certificate will make no practical difference to them.

[EarthWindFire]

Chunderella, not being snarky, but on what grounds may he not get it given a paternity test? I've never heard of anyone having it declined.

Me neither.

[Pinkrose1]

As there is no history of domestic violence or threatening behaviour, I can't see any advantage to leaving him off. It might make it easier to claim child maintenance if his name is in the certificate and will give the child a sense of identity.

[Solasum]

My DS's father is on his birth certificate. TBH, it makes me a bit nervous that he could just swoop into our lives and take DS overseas. (Travelling alone I have never been asked for any permission from him, so doubt he would be asked either).

[Pinkrose1]

It is certainly not wrong to allow a child when they are older and maybe looking for their father this sense of identity! There are thousands of children, adopted or single parented who are looking for the sense of identity from knowing their father or mother. They may not like their second parent but at least they have the choice.

As the OP has pointed out if the father wants to seek parental responsibility or rights she will not be able to stop his application because a DNA test would establish his rights. At the moment he is opting out and that is his choice now (though I hope OP chases him for maintenance) but he may feel diff entry in the future. It would then be for a court to decide.

[Solasum]

Worth bearing in mind that you can very easily record full contact details for him and leave them together with the birth certificate. That way your child could find him.

[prh47bridge]

it's a legal document conferring particular rights

It confers responsibilities, not rights. It gives the father a say in certain matters so that he can fulfil his responsibilities as a parent.

she can put significant obstacles in the way of the father exercising such rights if she chooses to do so

She could but it is highly unlikely she would succeed. The courts work on the presumption that both parents should have PR. The father would only be denied PR if it could be shown that it was not in the child's interests for him to have it. The danger with trying to stop the father having PR is that the courts view the mother's actions as unreasonable which means she is less likely to get the benefit of any doubt in other matters such as contact.

Not that this arises in the OP's case since it seems the father is not interested in being named on the birth certificate.