Travelling to US with DS - another different surname thread!

[bellediva]

Hi, I know this has been discussed quite a lot but I just need to get some things clear in my head. I've been stressing about it for days now & just have no idea what to do. Sorry its a bit long but dont want to drip-feed.

My DS is 3 and has had very little contact with his "father" since he was about 10mths old. My ex was violent & I threw him out of my home. SS came to my home & declared that they were 100% happy with me, that my home was lovely & my son was clearly very happy & well cared for. They removed me from their books, so to speak. The only thing they did suggest was that his dad see him in a contact centre.

For a year my ex refused, but we did use the contact centre for 6mths. He was always late, or didnt turn up etc. 6mths ago he stopped attending. I do get  from the CSA, but the CSA did it all through his employer as he was unwilling to do things amicably.

Son has his fathers last name, his father has PR.

I want to take DS to the US later this year. I can obviously take his birth cert to prove Im his mother, but I understand they may ask about a letter of permission & the US Embassy "strongly suggests" that you have this when travelling.

Now I dont speak to my ex because of the violence. I dont have his phone number etc. To be honest I dont want to ask permission because I dont actually want to make contact with him & open up the can of worms again. Residency takes up to a year, SIO could be requested but it all comes down to me "asking him" or going to court about it. Im not sure what is best to do here!

Im aware that I can probably chance it with the BC and explain if questioned. My son is going to say that Im his mum etc & we look alike...but what do people say when they have no contact?

Do you tell them in the US that you havent got permission because there is no contact/violence & hope for the best? How likely is it that they will turn you away or deny entry if its clearly a family holiday & you have a return ticket?

Im so worried about this!

[lljkk]

I travelled last month with 4 DC, 3 of whom have a different surname. Nobody asked a question. I don't know if it makes a difference that we were using US passports, though, and youngest is 6yo.

[bellediva]

Hmm interesting. Were you travelling internally in the US or did you fly from the UK/somewhere else?

[SavoyCabbage]

The last time I came into the uk without dh my dc were asked where their father was at passport control. Also where they were staying and who we were seeing. That sort of thing.

We had practised on the flight as my friend was separated from her dc after one of them said that she was American. (Friend thinks her dd got that from TV)

It was all quite casual and I might not have noticed it if I hadn't been so aware. We didn't know how long we werengoingnto be in the uk as my dh has been refused entry and my dc were on non uk passports so I had prepared them (they are 7 & 10) to talk about going back to school where we live etc.

[lljkk]

I flew London California. Didn't fly or take public transport internally.

DC were asked a few questions before getting on plane in CA, come to think of it. Like "What year were you born?" "Where's Tom?" etc. Nothing about their dad or why different surnames.

Based on my experiences at US embassy, I'd say the only question they'd ask a 3yo is "Is that your mummy? Is she taking you somewhere nice? Where are you going?" etc. Very age appropriate.

[bellediva]

Ok, so maybe Im getting stressed for no reason then. I guess they can probably work out who the dodgy characters are & experienced in doing so. Im travelling with my mother as well, so hopefully that will help show its a family trip & we are definitely coming back with him!

I'll have to coach my DS to speak up when they ask him any questions...he has a tendency to get a bit shy.

If they do happen to ask if I have permission - should I just be honest and say I have informed his father, but there is no contact due to violence etc?

[lljkk]

Might as well be honest & say whatever is suitable to say in front of your son. Don't worry, my numpty 14yo couldn't remember his own date of birth & they still let him on the plane.

[prh47bridge]

If you take your son to the US without either your ex's consent or a court order you are committing the criminal offence of child abduction. If your ex found out he could report you to the police and ask them to take action.

You would also be running the risk of being refused entry to the US. The fact that other people haven't had any problems is no guarantee that you won't.

[bellediva]

So what do you suggest prh47?

[prh47bridge]

As the law stands your choices are:

• contact your ex and request consent
• apply to the courts for a Specific Issue Order
• apply to the courts for residence
• take the risk

[bellediva]

From what I've heard you have to go back to court once a year to update the order. I think if there is dv or no contact a court or solicitor should be able to provide some sort of exemption notice for you to take with you.

If only I was running the country!

[lljkk]

I think that must be a UK offence, the Americans won't have any way of checking or caring unless they get an alert from the UK authorities.

[prh47bridge]

the Americans won't have any way of checking or caring unless they get an alert from the UK authorities

A number of countries that have signed the Hague Convention are cautious about allowing children to enter with a single parent unless there is evidence of appropriate consent. There have been a number of reports on Mumsnet of people being turned away.