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Urgent help needed! False claims by DPs ex

(17 Posts)
fifi669 Tue 17-Jun-14 17:06:41

DP had a SW ring him today. She said ex rang with concerns. When they asked his DD subsequently tell me about your daddy, the first thing she replied was daddy shows me his willy. They said it is supposed to have happened on two occasions, once in the park and once in the library.

DP is obviously livid. His ex has been blocking or restricting contact since we got together. I've posted about it before in other topics. Funnily enough this allegation has been made now when DP has a contact hearing this Friday.

His DD is 3 and as ex won't allow DP to have any friends/family present when he sees her, she does have to go with him should he need the loo. This is the only possible way she may have seen him.

He has a meeting with a SW tomorrow and as I said court Friday. What can he do to help himself?

This is the latest and most serious of her allegations. We've had he's negligent because DD stood in a puddle and got wet socks making her ill, she wouldn't share a toy at nursery because DD was disrupted by seeing DP, she started wetting the bed because last year for a brief period of a month or so DD was allowed to see his family.... It's never ending.

As well as concern for DP/DDs relationship, I have a son the same age and another due in a few weeks. Will this impact on them?

I don't know how she could stoop so low. Advice please!

nomoretether Tue 17-Jun-14 17:14:15

Is it a first hearing on Friday?

fifi669 Tue 17-Jun-14 17:50:02

It's the first time he's gone to court with it. The paperwork says directions appointment?

superdupershopper Tue 17-Jun-14 20:48:17

Sounds a bit ridiculous to me. IF a man were to do such an awful thing then surely he'd do it somewhere less public than the library and the park?!!

Frusso Tue 17-Jun-14 20:56:06

SS aren't stupid. Did your dp inform them that there's a court hearing in the near future?

fifi669 Tue 17-Jun-14 21:20:02

He didn't mention it as he was already told he had to go to make a statement about his version of events on Thursday. He will obviously say so then.

I can completely understand that SS need to follow all this up, they can't risk a child. It's just so frustrating she can put words/thoughts into his DDs mouth and when it all comes out as unfounded it'll prob be months down the line and she'll get away scot free.

Hoping that SW can decide there and then there is no case to answer. Would it still delay the outcome of the hearing? CAFCASS reports ordered etc?

I'm sure they've heard this all before, that's what gives me hope.

It's such a low thing to do.

Frusso Tue 17-Jun-14 21:32:13

The courts would have heard it all before.
the court might just see ex the way you do?

nomoretether Tue 17-Jun-14 21:57:40

If she brings up the puddle, bed wetting and not sharing then it will be pretty obvious what she's up to.
That said, my experience is that allegations are investigated rather than just dismissed and particularly given the way child protection is at the moment, I wouldn't be surprised if CAFCASS were ordered to do a full report in this case, which takes 12-16 weeks usually.

Your DP should ignore the petty allegations altogether - just say they are untrue and leave it at that. The onus is on her to prove they are true and are a direct link to contact.

It won't be the first time SS have had to deal with false allegations. The fact that he would be alone with your daughter and therefore have to take her in with him to the toilets would seem sufficient explanation to me. I wouldn't worry too much.

fifi669 Tue 17-Jun-14 22:49:45

I should prob look at it more calmly. If this sort of thing gets out it could ruin his life. How many think there's no smoke without fire?

Pumpkinpie11 Tue 17-Jun-14 23:32:02

To be fair when there were welfare concerns about my children (problems with their dad ) I had police child protection on the phone and them and SS on my doorstep pretty quickly. It wasn't of a sexual nature but I think if they had serious concerns they'd have involved the police.

fifi669 Wed 18-Jun-14 00:06:37

I'll take that as a positive sign! Everything I'm reading online seems to suggest there's no such thing as a friendly meeting with SS and DP should tell them he's going to record the conversation.

OldLadyKnowsSomething Wed 18-Jun-14 00:45:58

Please don't let him do that. In a similar situation, SS were very sympathetic towards the male who had such allegations made about him by a disgruntled ex/words put into the mouths of babes. Saying he's going to record the meeting will sound both hostile and defensive. He should be as open and friendly as he can be; he has nothing to hide, and the investigations being made are in the best interests of the dc involved, however (understandably) insulted and upset he feels.

Selks Wed 18-Jun-14 00:49:31

Social workers have to look into every allegation, but they are not there to trip you up or to find a problem when there isn't one...believe me, there is more than enough real stuff to deal with. So no need to be on the defensive recording conversations etc, just say what you need to say and work with the SW. They will soon see that there is nothing to go on.

gemand3 Wed 18-Jun-14 01:02:00

I wouldn't believe everything you read online, if your alright and cooperate with ss they will be the same with you if you go in defensive they would probably think you have something to hide. If it's going to court they might get cafcass to do a report I'd be more cautious of them than ss to be honest

fifi669 Wed 18-Jun-14 10:10:11

That would have been what I would have thought. Separated dad's website obviously see the other side and it's then that recommend recording everything.

If DP had recorded mediation or the meeting with the family support worker he'd actually have ex on tape ranting. She tried previously saying DP had said he was going to abduct her, that our unborn child is nothing to do with DD and she'll make sure DD knows it (the FSW said she was entitled to her point of view!), that now DP was having a child he should stop seeing DD as he'll have one of his own etc. She's deranged.

OldLadyKnowsSomething Wed 18-Jun-14 16:40:07

If she's deranged, all the more reason for your DP to be ultra calm, and extra reasonable. Not all lone dad forums are, er, entirely rational. F4J

fifi669 Wed 18-Jun-14 20:29:47

We have steered clear of that one!

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