Getting contact

[fifi669]

DP has been messed about by his ex a lot over the years. She currently only allows him 2 hrs a week during which DD isn't allowed to see any if his family etc. There are no dodgy skeletons in the closet or anything to justify it.

Anyway he's just sent in the papers for court. As he has irregular shifts and he knows ex will be awkward he's currently going to ask for a whole day of contact without restrictions. By that I mean DD can spend time with uncles/aunts/ grandparents and me and DS and our child due in July. (Ex is currently opposed to her ever seeing her half brother).

How likely is he to get it? How long does it take?

[Lonecatwithkitten]

He will be encouraged to attend mediation first and he needs to show willing to that process. He can contact his local mediation service without involving the court.

[nomoretether]

Depends how difficult she is. Your situation sounds pretty similar to mine - we started the court process last July after two sessions of unsuccessful mediation and we should get full day unrestricted in June, he got full day unrestricted in January. The process is very slow.

[fifi669]

He's had two lots of mediator sessions and one with a faintly support worker or something. Ex tends to cry to get her point across. She's claimed we wanted to abduct DD at one, at another she said a medical professional said to stop contact as it was too disruptive to DD (no proof or even the name of said medical professional), when she eventually agrees she only allows minimal contact of say 45 minutes which she says will build up to normal time.

Mediator always agrees with her as ex stops all contact until they can get an appointment meaning DD hasn't seen DP for months. The problem being that she adds to it when she feels like it and this period of contact started October and is only at 2 hours. She cut that to 45 minutes at one point as DD refused to share at nursery so that must be DPs fault?

DP has been trying to resolve this amicably over the years and been patient but it's got him nowhere. Mediation doesn't work in this case.

[nomoretether]

Definitely go ahead then. I'd recommend he joins Families Need Fathers. They have a forum if you become a member and also have local meetings you can attend if you're an member or not. I can't stress enough how helpful they have been for us.

[fifi669]

Your earlier post was a little confusing. You started your action July last year but got full day January or this June?

[nomoretether]

Started court action last July. My partner has had full day contact since January but cannot involve anyone else in contact. We should get unrestricted contact at the next hearing in June. Is that clearer? If not, feel free to PM me :)

[fifi669]

Ah yes much clearer thanks :)

Did your DP have no access at all before? I can't see why the court would be ok with no one else involved if he did. Is it literally no one, not even grandparents etc at the mo?

[nomoretether]

He had between 1.5-2 hours before court action. Not allowing other people actually started in a consent order (so OH and ex agreeing in court rather than the court telling them what was going to happen) and so because he agreed to that originally (otherwise ex wouldn't have agreed to increasing contact and he would have had to wait for a contested hearing) it's stuck until the CAFCASS report is done now.

It should be straightforward in situations like mine and yours sounds as simple. It only takes a few false allegations from the ex to bring everything grinding to a halt though, sadly.

[starlight1234]

why are CAfcass involed..is it because of her allegations...

Cafcass deal in hard evidence ..not her say

[fifi669]

I can safely say his ex will try anything so we are expecting dirty tricks.

[nomoretether]

Yes, because of her allegations. She has not submitted a single piece of evidence for anything yet. We are hoping that CAFCASS will request evidence of her claims as it will then be glaringly obvious that she has lied to delay the process but after all I've heard about CAFCASS I won't trust them to get it right until the report is in our hands.

[fifi669]

I know a guy having the same problem. Marriage broke down everything was fine, finds a new gf suddenly contact stops and allegations start. No evidence. He's waiting on cafcass. Think his parents get to see his DC but he has to go to a contact centre until he's cleared. It's crazy stuff.

[3xcookedchips]

Star:
You're wrong.
Cafcass are involved by default at the start of every new case to assess if there are welfare concerns. If one parent(usually the mother) makes allegations then under direction from the court they will make further assessments. The section 7 can now take 16 weeks. The hostility of the mother is usually the marker for how long cafcass are involved where false allegations are made.

[nomoretether]

And that's 16 weeks without procedural delays like paperwork going missing, the officer going off sick or on holiday, an inaccurate report that needs overturning or re-doing... So slow.

[lostdad]

Allegations are par for the course. When I assist people I advise them to state `I refute all allegations' if they are false and leave it to that. If the ex wants to discuss allegations in court she can make her case and if she persuades the judge/magistrate that there is any merit they will order a Find of Fact/Scott Schedule/statement on it.

Remember - it's par for the course. They see this all the time and expect it.

Concentrate on the case for the child having time with the non resident parent. Don't waste time dealing with her allegations on a point-by-point basis because she will happily spend all the (short) hearing slinging mud rather than actually dealing with the child's best interests.

I usually advise my clients to submit a positions statement (2-3 pages max) that sets out the situation. I go as far as ignoring all allegations unless she has submitted something to the court (such as a C1A).