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Dp's ex has moved away without telling us

(23 Posts)
tallulahpie Mon 24-Feb-14 18:11:46

Dh has been divorced for 5 years and has a lovely 9 year old son who lives with dh's ex. I have a 6 year old dd who adores her stepbrother, and we have a 2 year old ds together. The ex has always been very hostile even before dh and I met, and has used dss to score points on many occasions, stopped contact on a whim, made false allegations and generally made dss life a misery questioning him following every contact. We had planned a big birthday treat for dss 2 weeks ago but ex refused to let him come as she said he was ill and rearranged for us to pick him up last Friday. When we arrived the house was empty of all furniture. We rang police non emergency no and gave exs parents address about 50 miles away, they promised to send someone to do a welfare check and after 9 phone calls from us over the weekend they confirmed last night that dss had been seen and was fine but ex doesn't want us to know where they are so police can't tell us. What can we do? I know she will have told him we don't want to see him any more.

mymiraclebubba Mon 24-Feb-14 18:15:21

Get to a solicitor hun, it will be the only way

mineofuselessinformation Mon 24-Feb-14 18:17:23

I read the title assuming there was a problem about collection and picking up for contact....
Unless there are very good reasons that you don't know about, that's just plain wrong...

BuzzLightbulb Mon 24-Feb-14 18:17:35

Is there a court order of any sort in place?

If not, I suspect you're going to have to get one!

Or hold fire for a week or two, is there anything that could have triggered this? Or is there a history of difficult behaviour?

If the latter, maybe if you don't react she will get in touch to stir things up?

What does the school know about this? If he's not enrolled into another school social services might be interested, certainly the education dept will be.

tallulahpie Mon 24-Feb-14 18:34:48

There is a long history of her being difficult, she has made false allegations to police and social services about us, all of which have been proven untrue. Yes there is a court order dating back to 2010, dh had to take her to court 3 times to get contact sorted. We will put papers in for breach of contact order this week and checked at school today, he is there but they like the police won't get involved as it's a 'civil matter'

mymiraclebubba Mon 24-Feb-14 18:46:46

Will the school allow u contact there so that you can explain to him that you didn't know he was moving and you are trying to arrange visits with mum?

tallulahpie Mon 24-Feb-14 19:15:21

Hopefully they will, we have asked for a meeting with the Head

mymiraclebubba Mon 24-Feb-14 19:25:45

Fingers crossed for you hun!!

From experience with a friend (and I don't recommend but it is an option) if your dh has PR then legally the school cannot stop him collecting his son from school. It is a drastic option but it is an option if he is worried about the welfare of his son

tallulahpie Mon 24-Feb-14 19:37:13

Thanks! Why can't adults just stop using their kids to score points?

mysteryfairy Mon 24-Feb-14 19:44:53

Can you repost this in the legal section? I think there are possibly things you can do very quickly to get this resolved e.g. an ex parte hearing.

mymiraclebubba Mon 24-Feb-14 19:46:53

Dunno tallulah but if you find out please let me know cos dp's. Exw does it all the time

tallulahpie Mon 24-Feb-14 22:17:45

Thanks will try and re post in legal

RandomMess Mon 24-Feb-14 22:19:34

Blimey, incredibly sad, your poor dss.

tallulahpie Mon 24-Feb-14 22:40:53

I know, I just keep thinking about how he has probably been told we aren't bothered and don't want to see him any more, she's done it before

charliefoxtrot Tue 25-Feb-14 09:36:20

You should see a solicitor straight away. If she claims any benefits (child benefit at least, I presume) it is possible for the courts to order the DWP to disclose her address, but I don't know how long this would take. What a bitch! I'm sorry for what you're going through.

feathermucker Tue 25-Feb-14 09:43:01

sad That's so sad and so so wrong! Hope it gets sorted!

tallulahpie Tue 25-Feb-14 09:56:46

Thank you for your messages, we are in the process of trying to see a solicitor, it's just so wrong that a mother could do this, poor dss loves coming to us sad

Xalla Tue 25-Feb-14 15:21:18

FNF website / forum should be able to help with this too OP.

OnTheCoverOfAMagazine Wed 26-Feb-14 00:50:04

God, I've been through almost exactly this.
What order does your dh have? is it a reasonable contact order with minimum terms? if so you need to ask for an urgent hearing - I think you fill in forms c100 from the court if you are not represented by solicitor. you should be able to get a hearing ex-parte very quickly.

does ex have a residence order? if so, she doesn't have to disclose where she is living. if not, you can ask the court for disclosure I think (don't quote me though, I may be wrong). no other agencies will tell you though, it is not worth their jobs.

has she made any allegations against your dh?
please do not pick the little one up from school unannounced - it will not go down well with the judge when you go back to court. keep everything above board and squeaky clean. play the long game. my ex absconded with our child, I went through the court, self represented, and won my case but it took 9 months.

what about writing to your dss? you could ask the school to pass it on. make damn sure you take a copy of what you are sending. just write something like you all miss him, really looking forward to seeing him again, but the grown ups have to do a bit of talking and sorting first, that you're all thinking of him and love him very much. keep it warm and focused on him and the fun you can all have when you see each other next (and keep the copy to show the judge!). maybe put a nice photo in of you all together. ask school to give it directly to dss.

hope that helps. stay strong

STIDW Wed 26-Feb-14 11:40:30

Application form to vary the contact order is C100, for contact enforcement Form C79. See leaflets CB1 and CB 5 available to download from the Ministry of Justice website.

It' also possible to apply for a seek and find order (Form C4) to order someone such as family, school, DWP etc disclose the whereabouts of the child to the court.

STIDW Wed 26-Feb-14 11:47:11

PS I'm not a solicitor and there is no substitute for legal advice.

tallulahpie Wed 26-Feb-14 21:38:38

Thanks that's really helpful, contact order is every other weekend and extra in holidays, 2 weeks in summer etc. We had a meeting with the school head teacher today and explained the situation, she was very reluctant to 'get involved' but we asked her to let him know that it's not because we don't want to see him. We think the ex has moved in with her partner but don't know where he lives as she denied even being with him as she was claiming single parent benefits while he was staying over at least 5 nights a week. Had never heard about the seek and find orderso will definitely look into that thank you.

MidniteScribbler Thu 27-Feb-14 03:31:16

This is by no means any form of legal advice, but could you (or a friend with a car that the ex doesn't know) follow them home from school when she picks him up? I don't advocate then doing anything until you take legal action, but at least you'll have an address to serve papers.

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