advice on staying in the family home

[awishes]

can anyone advise me on the chances of being allowed to stay in the home, 2 children at crucial points of their schooling. Bullying husband wants to carry on paying the mortgage and then have a 50/50 split when youngest is 18. I have been a SAHM for 10 years and now a low earner. I think I could raise a mortgage to allow for a 70/30 split and keep the home.
What are the chances of this being granted? I wanted us to agree the finances ourselves but he is pushing me to take this offer. Desperate for advise, I can't bear the thought of him having that connection with me for another 6 years and would rather have a clean financial break now.

[awishes]

anyone had any recent experience that may help me?

[phoolani]

No, recent experience and you really need to ask a solicitor - a lot of family solicitors do a free first appointment. I don't know much about it but, assuming you're joint owners, I think you're asking that your share of the equity in the house be increased at the expense of your husband's..? when you say 'granted' do you mean by a court? I think you can apply to court for a redistribution of the equity in your favour but given that you're a SAHM and haven't - technically - been paying the mortgage i think this is unlikely. Do you really need to stay in the home once the kids have left? Or will 50% equity buy you something else that's ok? It's unlikely you'd be forced before they leave home and you don't have to agree anything now if H isn't trying to force you to sell now.

[awishes]

My issue is that by being at home for 10 years at his behest I have lost my earning potential and therefore feel that if I were to have a larger share of equity at the point of divorce it would equal things out a little.

Haven't I been paying the mortgage technically? Surely what his is mine and visa versa? It wasn't just my choice to give up work to look after "our" children.

[mercibucket]

what about all the other assets inc pension?

[MeMySonAndI]

My own recommendation is to go and see a solicitor to discuss this, or post in the legal threads, you will get a lot of uninformed but well meaning advice otherwise.

Nobody can force you to accept a Mesher order or the 50/50 split he wants, and considering you have 3 children and have a low income there is a very strong possibility you will get more than 50%.

The fact that you have not contributed to the mortgage because you were a SAHM doesn't matter (as long as you are married) as your contribution to the marriage is in kind, you took care of the children so he had the space and opportunity to develop his career.

Please note however that the distribution of the assets will be about trying to achieve a fair split, so the court will also consider his needs and circumstances. So f he is not earning lots of money ether, it may be that the fairest split is 50/50.

Whether a Mesher order is good or not, it depends in a number if factors, like your age, the age of the children, and your possibilities of being able to support yourself independently after it comes to an end.

I wanted a Mesher order and didn't get one. I know now it was for the best. It took a lot of sacrifices to be able to buy his percentage of the house (even when he got a very small percentage). But the house is now mine and is also a possible source of income. Had I been given the Mesher order I would have been too old to apply for an affordable mortgage at the end of it, and I would have been feeling under his "hold" for many years. I understand why you don't want it.

[awishes]

Thank you everyone for your advise x

[awishes]

memysonandI - did you struggle to get the larger percentage or did your ex agree with it? I am just at the point of starting divorce proceedings and already he is saying that he will fight me all the way to get 50/50 of everything.