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Please help - police, injunction, babies, family, court contact

(3 Posts)
mumof289 Sun 20-Oct-13 10:43:05

I was in a very volatile relationship for 18 months. I was controlled financially, sexually, emotionally, cheated on and when I was pregnant with my second baby to him I ended it. I had my youngest in January due to stress related/pregnancy issues and have birth at 29 weeks. Luckily baby is healthy but was in hospital for 2 months to get to where we are now. He was first violent to me in February which was infront of my eldest who is now 21 months. I was granted an emergency injunction through solicitor but rejected it that evening after he wormed his way round. Then he tried to kill himself twice. And was violent with me head butting me and shaking me while I had old of the youngest in a harness. That was the last time he saw the babies. I also had a miscarriage inbetween my babies. He was always on top of me. (Sorry for tmi) more fool me for allowing this to happen. I'm in love with babies more than anyone could know and I wouldn't change them for the world. I just want him out of there life.

I have been reporting him to the police since January 11 when he started making threats against my mum and dads house to remove my eldest when I was in hospital. Bearing in mind he didn't want to mind her when I first went in over pregnancy issues with my youngest.

After he was aggressive wjth me for the last time. With in a matter of 2 days health visitor referred us to social services, women's aid. SW has closed our file as she didn't have any problems with myself with regards to the babies safety as April was when I stopped contact and moved into my parents house as I a as scared to go home incase he ever came. We were also mentioned in the marac meeting (multi agency risk assessments conferences) as we were deemed high risk. Police arrested him over assaults but crown prosecution didn't charge him. Despite having photographic evidence. He denied everything.

I got a non mol order in July/august and had a review 2 months ago with an extension to family court proceedings over child contact. He last saw them in April.

Since then I have been on the phone to the police on a regular basis 2/3 times a week and I'm saying that by fact! He has breached the injunction by driving passed my house (he's not allowed near my house or the roads near it) or near me for that matter. Contacting me indirectly and the injunction specifically covers this. And all the other times I have rang the police but no action has been taken. He is worming his way out of everything.

2 weeks after the injunction was served my parents house along with my brothers house where bricked. They got CCTV fitted and it has happened again to my parents car and house and this week my brothers car has got acid thrown all over it. Not only is this financially draining pockets it's emotionally exhausting.
The police aren't taking any action. We have told them who it is on the CCTV and I firmly believe that he has this orchestrated. On all occasions it's the same lads, who are friends of his brother. Might I had his brother is in residential care due to bad behaviour that his parents can't control!! And the police know of him.

We had first court hearing 2/3 weeks ago. I declined interim contact (supervised) as judge was going off his application which says I have made false allegations and we requested evidence from the non mol order was reviewed before the judge but it wasn't passed on to the judge! However, the judge offered for him to do a perpetrators of domestic violence course and an aggression course for his temper. We have a hearing next month (waiting on the date) as to why I declined interim contact. The fact is my evidence wasn't reviewed, a short term fix for such a sensitive situation I don't feel is right for the babies. My family are not willing to negotiation with him or any member of his family due to there behaviour. I am also not willing to negotiate with him and believe the court process is the right path and the right channel for the best out come of the children. I don't want him around the children at all. they are
Not safe with them. I would be writing another novel explaining the reasons why but the above a just a tip of the ice burg.

Cafcass are involved and will be contacting me before the hearing so hopefully ill be able to have my say then. I know that they are prepping a full report. The first cafcass officer advised me to accept interim contact and at the time I said listen I'm not completely out ruling no contact but I don't think it is the right thing to do at this time. I'm not just throwing my kids at him cause he won't be able to cope and if I'm not there to calm them down cause no one else can then how is that resolved?

I'm so frustrated with the police. They have CCTV footage, we have given them names. I have been contact with them more than 20 times . My parents are my best friends and it's horrible to see what to see what he is putting them through because he can't get to me due to the injunction.

He has threatened to not return the children before, he did this in January.

What knocks me sick is that the police have agreed with me on many occasions that he is getting away with everything. The damage it is causing. It's so exhausting. I can't stop crying. I'm trying to be strong. And I feel like I am to blame for it all. The police are just letting things happen. It's like someone has to get hurt again before someone actually steps up and does something. I'm not one to get my hands dirty as I feel this is a matter of the authorities to deal with and I don't condone any sort of violence so I would never do it myself .. But god forbid we did retaliate even if it was just the once the police would come down on us so hard. I'm finding it hard to struggle with the emotions from my parents and the rest of the family. Broken windows. Car screen windows. Acid on cars. Aggression towards myself. Solicitor has said she can't do anything as it's a police matter when it comes down to charging him.

What's grinding me is that the judge highlighted that he had said to her that I am the perfect mother and that he wouldn't want anyone else looking after them. But then calling me all sorts specifically a c*nt the next day via social media. Since January I have kept screen shots of all the threatening abusive statuses he has made about myself and my family and reported them to
The police and nothing is been done about it. His
Mother puts
Photos up of my children on a daily basis with a lovely comment on them about me saying I am evil and sly. She also has her 11 year old daughter saying this.

Would you have your children around that.. No!

I'm so fed up and drained. My parents have gone down to the police station to speak with someone because of how much he is getting away with. I have never seen my dad cry before. Since this has gone on. It's become a regular thing now. Every night were just waiting for something to happen.
Another brick..
Another acid attack. My diary is full of incident numbers and no action taken next to it.

I don't know what to do. I'm at my witts end. I'm sick of crying. I'm sick of seeing my family upset over what he is doing. It's affecting us in so many ways it's unreal. All because I've tried to keep my babies safe from him.



So sad and down. I'm getting the help I need like the freedom programme, open mind. Crisis councilling. I don't have any concerns about my mental health or parenting as I've been doing it by myself even when we were together. I can't leave my children with him.

I'm crying writing this. I want to protect my kids and my family. But feel like this is out of my control. I'm in bits. I don't know what to do.

I don't have any experience or any expertise to offer here - hopefully someone with more of both will come along soon to answer you - but I didn't want this go pass without any comment.

You are going through such a traumatic time, and you are being amazingly strong. I wish I was there to give you and your family a huge hug - as you are all being amazing. I am glad you have real life support - and I wonder whether Womens Aid might be able to help you some more, or suggest some other resources to support you and your family.

I will be keeping you in my thoughts and prayers.

tinyturtletim Sun 20-Oct-13 15:12:21

Jesus christ you poor poor woman.

How frustrating that your voice is not being heard.

Do you know who your local designated police officer is? Or the chief Constable for the area?

I think you definitely need to be targeting the higher authority,

Can you ask your solicitor to find out who they are and have him call and arrange a meeting?

I would be also onto social services, ask them for support in helping you prove he is a threat to the children

Not sure but your local mp may even help you get through to the police, it is a disgrace they are not protecting your family.

I think, and someone may correct me that a court does not allow cctv as evidence from a house when there are no signs displayed so you may want to put something up somewhere saying cctv is in place this way it covers you (take dated pictures as proof)

I have heard that cafcass can be pretty useless, you really need a good solicitor on your side

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