Mumsnet has not checked the knowledge, experience or professional qualifications of anyone posting on Mumsnet Talk and cannot be held responsible for any advice given on the site. If you have any serious legal concerns, we would suggest you consult a lawyer.

Changing a surname

(13 Posts)
izziewizzie Mon 21-Oct-13 14:48:16

And where do I go to find someone to track him down? I don't even know where to begin!

izziewizzie Mon 21-Oct-13 14:47:22

Do you think the fact he has not seen her since she was 1 will hold any sway? As time progresses I have some difficult conversations to have with her, and I would just like her to be the same name as all of us here, I think it's becoming an issue for her as well.

As for him taking me to court to change her name back, I doubt he would actually take the time, he would be too worried the CSA would actually catch up with him if he did that.

How would they track him down? All there is is his mothers address. Even I can't find him, all I know is he is in the Middle East working. All CSA correspondence goes to his mothers, where it is duly ignored. His mother would refuse to deal with me, and any correspondence from me would be ignored as well I imagine.

I'm just trying to get an idea of how I could go about this.

There is only him and his mother, so there is not a long family line, and his mum doesn't share his surname either, so it's not a name they seem attached to iyswim?

prh47bridge Mon 21-Oct-13 14:33:10

There are people who will try to track him down for you. You won't be able to get any court orders unless you can show you have made reasonable efforts to try and contact him.

If your daughter was older her views would have more significance. As things stand you can try for a change of surname but the courts are generally reluctant to grant that as they view the surname as an important link with the father.

And yes it is an issue. She should not be known by any name other than the one on her birth certificate unless you have the consent of everyone with parental responsibility. This covers formally changing her name (passport, deed poll, etc.) and also informally using a name. So even having her known by your maiden name before marriage was a potential problem. If the father had chosen to take action you could have been forced to revert to using his surname (assuming that is the one on the birth certificate).

izziewizzie Mon 21-Oct-13 14:19:45

And is that an issue? She was "known" by my maiden name before marriage, as a different surname was causing her issues and creating a lot of questions....

lostdad Mon 21-Oct-13 13:19:09

`That said, I need to sort out residence, so I will try for her surname. Even if I have to double barrel it, "his" name can be the one that never gets used.....'
This counts as causing a child to be known as another name.

izziewizzie Mon 21-Oct-13 12:39:57

It's so frustrating isn't it?

Everything I try to do, I hear about his rights as a father, but there never seems to be any thought for my dds rights. He can get away with leaving us, earning a fortune tax free whilst not paying one penny for her upkeep, but if I try to do something which I feel will improve dds life, I'm told I can't because of his rights.

Seems that for my ex fatherhood is something that can be picked up and dropped at a whim.

There never seems to be anything to protect the rights of the children of these kind of parents angry

That said, I need to sort out residence, so I will try for her surname. Even if I have to double barrel it, "his" name can be the one that never gets used.....

moldingsunbeams Mon 21-Oct-13 01:35:49

I feel your pain, I had my dd in tears the other night because she has not seen her dad in years and wants my name and the name of her grandparents who she is very close to and not exh who she never sees.

Its also causing us trouble when we go abroad because my name and her name are different, we have been stopped on a few occassions and dd got very upset about it.

As far as I can see I cannot do anything about it until she is 16 sad

izziewizzie Fri 18-Oct-13 20:13:15

Unfortunately I don't know who he works for, or where he lives. I don't even have a number for him.

I have his mums address and that's it. And she won't speak to me either.

Unfortunately there is no way to find him. He works abroad, and the CSA know who he works for, but obviously won't tell me! All I can do is write to him via his mothers address, but it's unlikely I will get any response tbh. He refuses to discuss dd at all.

prh47bridge Fri 18-Oct-13 18:50:48

Assuming he has PR you need his consent to change your daughter's name or take her out of the country. If you apply for a court order you will have to show you have made reasonable efforts to track him down. Even then you may find the courts reluctant to allow you to change your daughter's surname.

izziewizzie Fri 18-Oct-13 17:59:25

Thank you,

I guess I could do residency and name change at the same time.

I don't suspect my ex will fight it, but he may be difficult for the sake of it. However, he might struggle to explain away 5 years of not seeing her when arguing over a surname change.

PelvicFloorClenchReminder Fri 18-Oct-13 17:54:29

You need a court order to do it legally, if you ever need to apply for a passport etc. There is more information here

izziewizzie Fri 18-Oct-13 17:44:53

Just to add he works in the Middle East, he isn't from there.
And I have no address for him in the uk.

izziewizzie Fri 18-Oct-13 17:41:18

I want to change my dds surname to my now married name.

Her dad left us when she was one and has never contacted her since (she is 6) nor does he pay maintenance or acknowledge her birthdays/Christmas. Likewise, his mother has never seen dd since the day he left. She doesn't remember them, and doesn't know any other parents than us.

I don't know fully where exp is, other than in the Middle East. I know where his mother is living and that is the only details I have.

I'm confused as to whether I can do it through deed poll, or if I need a court order. I believe the passport office (for example) can be funny about it without a court order, but I have read I could try through deed poll first.

I also wish to go to court for residency. Although ex doesn't see dd, the different names and no residence order has raised issues over holidays etc.

Could someone walk me through how I deal with the name change and the residency please.

Thanks!

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now