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Please help,my ex partner, snatched my baby last night

(22 Posts)
Lara1912 Thu 03-Oct-13 13:28:58

Hi, I really need advice.
I split up with my ex partner last year, when my baby girl was just 6 months old. She is now 20 months old, and she lives with me. We had a difficult relationship, and well he had met another woman even before I had moved out.
We had a verbal agreement, well he decided it, and I couldn’t change it, that he sees our daughter every Wednesday after work for about 40 min, I let him into my house, I know that our daughter needs a father, it’s better than being ignored by her father. Also he is having her for a day at the weekend, either Saturday or Sunday.
Last month he decided that he would start to have her over night though, so I’ve asked him to wait until she is 2 - as she gets used to be with her mummy only and she still wakes up at night - but then, he said that he will get a bed sooner, just to wind me up I think, then he said that he will have her for 3 nights per week, after he was angry with me. Well I get used to the idea, he is her father after all, and he wants to see her as well.
Last night he came to visit a little one as usual – we had just got back from a week’s holiday in Spain, which he was fully aware of incidentally - and at the end, he asked me something, but I didn’t hear as the little one was crying, so he yelled at me:
“Oi, I’m talking to you! Answer the bloody question when I’m talking to you!!!”
I said I didn’t hear, but he just carry on, and so I asked him to leave but he started yelling even more that I’m F** this, F that and that! Right in front of my little one, she was in shock, then started crying, she understands much more now, and it’s sort of normal for him to yell at me like that in front of her - I don’t want her to grow up seeing that! That’s the point why I’m trying to avoid having much conversation with him, because if I disagree with him about anything he just starts yelling at me again etc.
So, after yelling, he asked to hold the little one, but he then ran to his car and locked her in the car. I tried to stop him driving off, but he just moved me with his car. He said that he might bring her in half an hour, but because I then rang the police he didn’t bring her at all. This was the first time our daughter had been away from me overnight, and obviously I was in a state, particularly after the way he just snatched her away like that. I’ve rang in the morning asked him when he will bring her back, and he said maybe or maybe not this afternoon. He was going to see solicitor, but I can’t afford a solicitor!
I’m worried if I go to court, he might have her more then usual, just to wind me up, it’s not about the little one, please believe me, it’s about him being in control. Also he is convinced that I have a boyfriend, which I don’t, and keeps asking me about him, who is he, is he seeing the little one regularly? And then gets angry when I tell him I don’t have a boyfriend! But his girlfriend nursing my baby now, when he is having her over, and I’m just expected to accept that it’s ok. Well, it’s better she is good to her then horrible I suppose.
I don’t know what to do, or who to talk to. It’s more difficult because I am Russian-British, but have been in the UK for over 12 years, and im settled here, its my home here now.
Thank you for any help, and advise!

Jojay Thu 03-Oct-13 13:33:54

You poor thing, this sounds horrendous. What did the police say when you rang them?

Maybe get this post moved to chat or relationships - more people will see it there.

AngelsLieToKeepControl Thu 03-Oct-13 13:34:40

Hi, I know nothing about this at all, but I have just asked MNHQ to move this to another section so you will be able to get some good advice about your legal rights etc.

I hope someone is able to help you flowers

titchy Thu 03-Oct-13 14:52:16

Is he on the birth certificate? If no, he has effectively kidnapped her and police should intervene. If yes, he has PR but you can go to court and get emergency hearing to determine residence.

Lara1912 Thu 03-Oct-13 15:21:27

Hi, thank you for your respond! Yes, He is on birth certificate, he is actually promised me to bring Daughter back at 3, so im waiting. He wont let me to determine residence , he will fight and fight, and i just dont want that Daughter is in the middle of that. Police cant do much about it, as he is a dad, even ive recorded him how he was yelling at me, and been bulling the police said that it was in the house, so its ok, if it was on the street, then it would of be as a public offence, but he is very careful about it, he is always nice around people. Even after he pushed me on his car, its not enough too..

titchy Thu 03-Oct-13 15:23:25

You don't need his permission to go to court you know....

Conntact Women's Aid and get their advice. You do not need to obey this man. He is not above the law and it is not up to him to decide how often he sees your daughter. As yu have already involved the police you will probably be able to insist that he only has supervised contact with your daughter in future.

Lara1912 Thu 03-Oct-13 15:28:37

Hi , thank you for the advise, how should i do the emergency hearing?

Lara1912 Thu 03-Oct-13 15:31:20

I cant afford the solicitor.

Lara1912 Thu 03-Oct-13 15:37:08

My little one home !!!

What I did, back in 2007, when the same thing happened to me - saw a solicitor (using legal aid) who organised a Residency Order. This means that my DS2's home is with me. At the same time, because I'm a fairly reasonable person we arranged a Contact Order for my ExP. This stated reasonable contact on pre-determined dates.

It means that if ExP pulls that stunt again, I have a court order enabling me to involve the police in getting my son back because he will have breached the court order.

I really don't know what the current status of legal aid is, but it is most definitely worth seeing if a local solicitor can give you an hour's free consultation even.

fuzzywuzzy Thu 03-Oct-13 15:51:40

have you reported the attacks on you to the police, I think they still offer legal aid in cases involving DV.

Call womens aid on 0808 2000 247

Also rights of women have an advice line, they offer free legal advice (they're only open certain times tho) 020 7251 6577

lostdad Thu 03-Oct-13 16:59:39

Despite the name Families Need Fathers will help you. Call them on 0300 0300 363.

Your ex is clearly not acting in the best interests of your DD. You are both her parents, you should work out something between the pair of you how to parent her but it should be by consent - with neither dictating to the other one how your ex has done to you.

They have a great deal of experience in assisting parents who have had their children taken from them in the same way you have. As well as the helpline there are national support meetings.

Good luck!

VegasIsBest Thu 03-Oct-13 17:17:31

So glad your baby is home with you now. What a relief.
Good luck with finding a solution so this can't happen again.

Lara1912 Thu 03-Oct-13 17:29:52

thank you to all !!! im sorry im not responding at the moment, i will after my little one asleep.

moldingsunbeams Thu 03-Oct-13 17:54:28

You can get legal aid still if dv was reported at any point.

You can also self refer to some contact centres, based on the fact the police have been involved with this incident you can request one. This can also be done through your Health Visitor or cafcass if its one you cannot self refer to www.naccc.org.uk/for-families/answers-to-general-questions

As he has taken child and threatened lack of return I would definately ask for a contact centre.

moldingsunbeams Thu 03-Oct-13 17:57:01
Lara1912 Thu 03-Oct-13 21:04:01

It is was a huge relief to have my DD back, she is big enough to understand a lot now, thats why i need to do something about it. Bcs of his work, i was ok to agree about when he sees his DD, its easier for me, im not working at the moment. Ive been on the phone with women AId, and at CAB, the free legal advise is cancelled last year, unless i press charges against EXP., but i couldn then.

i was looking at residency order, bcs he was intend to snatch DD before, but he can apply for residency order too, will they give the residency order only me? how does it work?

Im going to look at the links you've send me.

Also ive told to police about him pushing me by car from his way, but they said, its not enough, bcs i was blocking the car.

DD was crying in the car, in shock, ive just cooked tea for DD, then her bed time, but he didnt care at all, i dont have any respect for that man anymore.

Thank you!

It sounds like you were unlucky with the individual police officers. Unfortunately, a minority of them are woman-haters and unhelpful to the extent that they are not doing their jobs properly. Do keep on with Women's Aid etc. Good luck.

lagoonhaze Fri 04-Oct-13 12:47:26

Keep on with womans aid. Because hes used this to scared and over power you he will again at some put in future. You need to take this to court. I would be inclinced to refuse all contact as you don't feel your daughter is safe in his presence (emotionally and physically) after this.

Shouting and pushing a childs mother and driving off with a nearly two yr old is not meeting their emotional needs.

Lara1912 Fri 04-Oct-13 21:01:32

Thank you for your support and help, ive contacted with Health visitor, and Social Services, and they have been very helpful too, also as he wanted to have DD on this Sunday, ive been advised not to let him to have DD, till i seek a legal advise.

HardFacedCareeristBitchNigel Wed 09-Oct-13 18:19:28

Lara, that bit about not being allowed to ram you because you were blocking his path is total, utter bullshit. Please make a complaint, that it absolutely shocking. You can take it through the inspector at your local station. They should be dealing with this as domestic violence, using a vehicle as a weapon is just as much an assault as using a fist

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