Skip to main content
Skip to main navigation
Skip to talk navigation

Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Saved Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Flip

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you have any legal concerns we suggest you consult a solicitor.

1 2 3

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you have any legal concerns we suggest you consult a solicitor.

Legal matters

A moral dilemma

56 replies

fishunicycle · 01/09/2013 11:35

Hello,
This is my 1st post on here and I believe it to be a very tricky one, so I'm after some considered advice.

A friend of a friend works for the police in the role of child protection.
This person regularly deals with child protection issues and is responsible for advising people on the phone about such things and escalating them as required.
This person is passionate about their job and evangelises about the "scum they have to deal with".

All good so far... here's the rub:
This person has a daughter and this daughter is under the legal age of consent.
This person recently found out that the daughter had a boyfriend of 17yrs with whom she was sexually active.
They let the daughter continue with the sexual liaison (which I think has become long term) and is aware that they sleep together in their own family home.
The girls boyfriend has now admitted that he is 19, not 17.
This does not seem to bother the parent that works in CP.
People have tried to convince this person that this is wrong and double standards and illegal.

What would you do in my position?

OP posts:

Report

Morgause · 01/09/2013 11:37

I'd mind my own business.

SauvignonBlanche · 01/09/2013 11:38

I'd mind my own business too.

Bowlersarm · 01/09/2013 11:39

Ditto Morgause. It's nothing to do with you.

Do you have teenage children btw?

Strictly1 · 01/09/2013 11:40

How old is the daughter?

Roshbegosh · 01/09/2013 11:40

How old is the daughter?

Pancakeflipper · 01/09/2013 11:41

If the parents are aware and ok with it /dealing with it. You don't know what is going on in their family unit - Then keep out.

What exactly are you wanting to do about it???

MoaningMingeWhingesAgain · 01/09/2013 11:41

It's irrelevant, assuming that the young people are broadly 'peers' (ie the lad isn't in a position of trust/the girl isn't 12/13)

LovesBeingOnHoliday · 01/09/2013 11:42

He problem knows that this is unlikely to get very far. How old exactly is tge daughter?

Roshbegosh · 01/09/2013 11:42

Are you suggesting the child is placed in care? Yeah right, no underage sex there.

BeenFluffy · 01/09/2013 11:43

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

AFishWithoutABicycle · 01/09/2013 11:43

If the daughters 15 I'd mind my own. Girls can be mature and its up to get parents to make that judgement IMO.

BrianTheMole · 01/09/2013 11:54

It depends. How old is the daughter??

Bowlersarm · 01/09/2013 11:56

Tell us how old the daughter is. IMO it does make a difference.

AKissIsNotAContract · 01/09/2013 11:59

Are you suggesting someone who works in child protection should stop their daughter from having sex? How? If they ban them from doing it in their house they'll do it in a car/the park etc.

fishunicycle · 01/09/2013 12:49

The child involved is 14. (maybe 13).

I'm not suggesting anything.
I want to use this as a sounding board.

I feel the moral dilemma lies in the position of this person condoning the activities in their own house that they vigorously persecute people for in their professional life.

I suppose I have always had a problem with double standards.

OP posts:

millymolls · 01/09/2013 14:59

Not sure I'd be condoning this from my daughter and would be making it clear that I thought her too young etc, however, equally I'd want to know she was safe and taking care of her....the reality of it is you can't stop teenagers having sex if they want to. I don't see this impacts their position.

OneHandFlapping · 01/09/2013 15:09

"...that they vigorously persecute people for..."

Er do you mean prosecute or is that a Freudian slip?

SauvignonBlanche · 01/09/2013 15:49

Do you really think paedophiles are persecuted?
I do hope that was a typo or autocorrect.

HappySunflower · 01/09/2013 15:51

For me, this is less of a moral issue and more of a safeguarding/childrotection issue due to the child's age.

In your position, I would be making a report to my local children's services department.

VashtaNerada · 01/09/2013 15:56

Not sure why some people are so dismissive! A 19 yo sleeping with a 13/14 yo is of concern. It's difficult because your only option (aside from what you've done) is to report the BF to the police which I'm not sure would be helpful here. I suppose you have to use your judgement on how healthy the relationship is (a 13/14 yo can't actually 'consent' legally).

VashtaNerada · 01/09/2013 15:57

(Or social services as suggested ^^)

fishunicycle · 01/09/2013 19:58

Typoe...

I don't want the child in this to suffer, as would surely happen if it was reported to SS.

I also suspect that if this were reported to the Police that they would rally round the individual to protect them? (As they work together).

Don't know if my moral compass is confused or not here..

OP posts:

HappySunflower · 01/09/2013 20:31

This child is in need of protection, and, from what you say, her family are not offering her that protection.
Involving the police and social services would be the first step towards keeping her safe.

fishunicycle · 01/09/2013 21:09

OK, that's one viewpoint.
How would one go about doing this anonymously - assuming that's what I chose to do?
Would it be taken seriously if it was done anonymously?

OP posts:

fishunicycle · 01/09/2013 21:09

OK, that's one viewpoint.
How would one go about doing this anonymously - assuming that's what I chose to do?
Would it be taken seriously if it was done anonymously?

OP posts:

Flip

1 2 3

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.