Advice

[SoSoHappy]

Just after a little bit of advice. I'm going to see a solicitor as soon as possible but this is just playing on my mind and am looking for others experience.

I separated from my husband a few months ago, my choice to leave as I couldn't take any more of his controlling and possessive behaviour after almost 18 years of marriage. We have one son who is 16 and has autism. As I was the one to leave the marriage and am moving away, I agreed that our son could stay with his father.

Had a meeting tonight with STBXH and he informs me he's seen a solicitor and has made the following proposal.

We have approximately £80k equity in the house. He says that the courts won't force him to sell the house while he's living there with our son (fine, don't want to force him) but that I shouldn't be entitled to anything from the house. That so long as the courts deem our son to be dependent on his father they can stay in the house and I will be liable for half the mortgage, half of the loan which is secured on the house and 15% of my wages in maintenance, his calculation was over half of my take home pay.

He's proposing that I walk away from the house, take over the loan which is secured against the house which has 4 1/2 years left but pay no maintenance or anything towards the mortgage. He would then keep the house and remortgage into his name.

Is this fair? Is that really how it would work?

I should also say that I'm moving to be with my new man who I met just after I split from my husband. STBXH has said that the courts would look at my new DPs income and ability to support me when deciding how much of my wages I should be paying towards the mortgage on my old house.

I really don't want to take half of everything, but it just doesn't seem fair that I should walk away with debt while he keeps the house and the equity in it. He says he's not planning on selling and that the house will be our sons, but there's no guarantee of that. Is there some way that we can have a legally binding document to ensure the house belongs to our son? That he can't just decide to sell and keep all the equity?

I'm sorry if I come across as money grabbing, I'm really not but I have massive credit card debts that I need to sort out and was hoping to clear all my debts when we sold the house. I don't see how I can do that if I'm still paying half the mortgage. Or is my only option to walk away from the house with nothing but not pay towards the house or maintenance for our son.

Sorry that's so long.

[Lonecatwithkitten]

Get your own legal advice very quickly would be what I suggest.

[RedHelenB]

If he's caring for your son it doesn't seem unreasonable to me but maybe suggest he takes over the debt as well?

[ihearsounds]

Based on you left him because of his controlling and possessive behaviour I wouldn't believe a word that tumbled out of his mouth.

The first thing that screams at me is hang on, if he left you he would be entitled to a share of the house unless you bought him out.

Also child maintenance is no longer dealt with by the courts. Hasn't been for years. It's dealt with either privately or csa. By agreeing to such a deal there is nothing stopping him also contacting csa still.

You need to get your own legal advice.

[SoSoHappy]

Well, I saw a solicitor today and shock, horror....turns out ex was talking shit..!!

My solicitor suggested the house should be sold and equity split 50/50 as a starting point but this split may shift. I said I would be happy with 65/35 to him as DS is with him. The court might decide the house shouldn't be sold until DS finishes sixth firm, but unlikely until he finished Uni (if he goes).

If he decides he won't sell the house, then I would have to contribute towards the mortgage or pay maintenance but not both as that wouldn't leave me enough to live on.

Solicitor also says that my new partner wouldn't be expected to contribute to the house or maintenance or support me as it is not a long term relationship.

He also doubts if ex would be able to raise a mortgage on his own for the property anyway so this might all be academic.

Upshot is I now have my starting point to go back to him with and hope we can meet in the middle somewhere.

[Lonecatwithkitten]

Glad you got your own advice it did sound like horse manure.

[ihearsounds]

Glad to hear you got your own legal advice. Just remember what ever this man tells you, it will be complete shite. Don't just go along with it. You left him for a reason.