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Breach of Consent Order? Please help I can't afford yet more sol fees!!

(17 Posts)
RowanMumsnet (MNHQ) Thu 18-Jul-13 21:34:38

Hello - we've moved this to Legal Matters now at the OP's request.

akaWisey Thu 18-Jul-13 21:29:34

have asked to be moved to legal. Thank you imp, annie and viking

akaWisey Thu 18-Jul-13 21:25:59

Thank you viking and that's what i need clarifying as our CO has stipulated until 2017. i think I need to move to legal.

Viking1 Thu 18-Jul-13 21:07:48

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

akaWisey Thu 18-Jul-13 20:58:03

Oh crap! I thought I'd posted in the divorce and separation forum.

Um. blush. May get this moved. Don't know what to do.

akaWisey Thu 18-Jul-13 20:37:18

Annie yes, yes, yes. That's why she needs a car. No coincidence that only a few days before he offered to buy her this car she had told him she doesn't want to go back next year because she hates it (for lots of reasons and I don't want to get into her thread).

So. I'm willing to go to court if that's what it takes. What I don't know yet is what happens and what I do if he does the usual autocratic thing and just makes the change.

So good to hear from you again annie <goes all coy at the memory>

Anniegetyourgun Thu 18-Jul-13 20:23:57

Does one rightly recall, or am I misremembering, that he encouraged DD to go to that particular college on the understanding that he would arrange transport? Surely, then, if he keeps letting her down, the only reason she needs a car is because he isn't doing the proper daddy thing that he promised. If her transport had been your responsibility from the start you would not have been able to agree to fund her at this college, so none of this would be an issue. He is such an evil sod.

I think what you've said to him, ie that he has to take you to court to get the consent order changed, is absolutely right. It might cost you something that way (though offset against the maintenance he's trying to get out of), but it will have to be his investment first off, in time and trouble as well as money, and hopefully that will mean it doesn't happen. He's never been shy of throwing time, trouble and money at a problem, but somehow it worked out that it was your tt&m he was throwing. Maybe when it's his own he'll be too lazy to follow up.

akaWisey Thu 18-Jul-13 20:23:03

No there is no negotiating and the email I sent back will leave him in no doubt.

Yes, he wants to dictate but (assuming he has checked his mail) he will know this woman ain't the woman he left!

I've just referred him back to the legal arena for everything he wants to change. And I've pointed out what it says in the Order - failure to keep to it's conditions is illegal and punishable in law (or words to that effect).

ImperialBlether Thu 18-Jul-13 20:11:35

But the courts have dealt with this kind of man before, you know.

He is a controller, isn't he? He is giving the money but wants to dictate how it will be spent. That's not what happens, though.

The agreement was made so the agreement must be stuck to. If you two came to a different agreement together that would be different, though there would be a problem if one of you wanted to revert. The fact of it is that there is a court document stating what he should pay and when. It does not mention accommodation or insurance or anything else.

Ignore him. Don't even think of negotiating - you've done that. Let him rant and rave and think whatever he wants. If you agree to this, next month there'll be something else that he'll dream up. He wants to control you. Ignore him.

akaWisey Thu 18-Jul-13 19:47:19

Well yes and no, wrt a car for her.

The original agreement was that her DF would do the too-ing and fro-ing from her college and home. But he kept letting her down and I work full time. So she had to use public transport which was a right faff and even I know that.

It's difficult to keep this away from being a 'relationship thing' but the car has become more important as her DF has other commitments and obviously many of her friends have cars. And parents who are still together who fund them jointly.

But I can't do that. I honestly thought the Consent Order would settle all the remaining issues.

I am absolutely willing to be told by a court that ex will reduce maintenance to pay insurance costs. Plus his email strongly suggests that he wants her accommodation costs met, in part, by me (despite what the order agreed). I am up for being told by a court anything which changes the Consent Order - but I am not up for 'negotiating' with him for very, very good reasons.

I just don't want to think that all that money I spent on legal costs amount to jack shit!!

ImperialBlether Thu 18-Jul-13 19:28:56

As for the fucked up partner, tell her to see it as a rite of passage. Everyone gets one chance to be with someone bad for them, but the test is whether you can recognise the signs and get rid.

ImperialBlether Thu 18-Jul-13 19:27:46

She sounds great, Wisey, and I've just realised who her mum is! (On here, I mean.)

Is a car vital for her? I know insurance is really high at that age; I couldn't afford to have my son driving on my car as it would add so much to the insurance.

akaWisey Thu 18-Jul-13 19:05:54

imperial you have posted on my DD's own thread very recently. She is 18 and the agreement was we pay 50/50 of her education costs until age 21 but he will pay 15% of his net income until she finishes. Plus he agreed to fund all her accommodation costs both until she finishes her 6th form education and through uni.

So she fights her fight and in the background ex wants me to fight him again. All with DD in the middle. No wonder she's with a fucked up partner.

Thank you by the way. Thank you for posting here and thank you for posting for her. She is listening.

ImperialBlether Thu 18-Jul-13 18:51:14

I think you've done exactly the right thing.

He sounds a complete bastard and it sounds as though he's trying to turn your daughter against you and for him.

How old is your daughter? Is he paying until she finishes university? Do you have other children?

ImperialBlether Thu 18-Jul-13 18:49:42

Sorry for him, but as far as I know, child support is not for car insurance!

The agreement was that he paid X for the support of his child. He then made the decision to pay for car insurance, without any reference to you. He is planning to thus reduce what he pays you.

As far as the court is concerned, all that is happening is he won't be paying the full amount.

akaWisey Thu 18-Jul-13 18:44:24

Sorry he says his net income is MINUS the cost of insuring DDs car.

akaWisey Thu 18-Jul-13 18:42:40

I received an email today from ex h who plans to change the financial arrangements which are in the Consent Order. We are barely 6 months in to this and I thought I knew where I stood for the foreseeable future.

He is now saying that he wants to deduct car insurance for our DD's car (bought without my input or consent and without agreement from me that I would fund any of the costs). He is saying that he will deduct the cost of insuring it from the maintenance which is 15% of his net income. He says he views his net income to be MINUS the cost of insuring her car.

It was my understanding from the Consent Order that his net income is gross minus tax, NI, pension contributions. Now he is saying his net income is all of that PLUS cost of insuring DD's car.

I can't afford to do that. I spent £10,000 on legal costs just to get the Consent Order. I can't go through all that again. So I've said - if he wants to make a change to the Consent Order he should apply to the court as I'm not willing to negotiate this. I've said if he deviates from the Consent Order (which makes no provision for my shouldering such extra costs) he is in breach of the Order.

Am i right and if so what the fuck do I do now?

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