Divorce - another question

[catkin14]

If for some reason, as unlikely as it seems atm, my exH became a reasonable man and said yes of course my darling to splitting our assets 50/50 and good maintenance for DS of 14, could we agree this without too much solicitors involvement?

ExH has a large pension which he does not want to split and we have been married for 26 years. I have been a sahm for 15 years.

But if he did agree to split savings/house/pension and maintenance etc could we do that?

[Noregrets78]

Marking a spot as I'm interested in the answer! Trying to do this at the moment...

The way I understand it - you can come up with a reasonable agreement between the two of you. You can use a mediator, or solicitor if you like, or you can just sort it out yourselves.

But for it to be legally binding, a solicior has to draw it up into a consent order, which you both sign, and then gets stamped by a judge. Not much solicitor involvement, but if it's not drafted by a solicitor the judge won't sign it.

I have an appointment on Wednesday to sit with my sol and draw up a consent order based on what we agreed the other day. Fingers crossed all goes according to plan...

[RedHelenB]

The more you agree between yourselves the less expensive it will be. You don't have to have a 50/50 split either - sometimes it's agreed that one person gets the lot! If you know what you want go to a solicitor, tell them & they will draw it up for you.

[RedHelenB]

Oh & sometimes a judge might call you in to court if it seems an unequal split of finances or if one party hasn't had legal representation, just to ascertain that both parties know what they could expect from a settlement but if they are both still happy then he/she will stamp the consent order & it is legally binding.

[catkin14]

Thanks for replies.
No, I need half, I can never earn enough for me and DS to live on and tbh I feel I have earned it also after 26 years! I dont want any more than that though.
I wish I could not touch his pension, but as he wont agree to giving me more out of another pot feel i might have to.

[STIDW]

A judge is duty bound to ensure that a consent order is "fair" i.e. complies with s25 Matrimonial Causes Act 1973 and other law. There is usually a wide spectrum of possible settlements, but sometimes a judge won't ratify a consent order at all if the agreement is way off the mark.

You need to ensure you understand the implications of an agreement. For example if you relied on an agreement that "good" child maintenance was paid over and above CSA rates after 12 months your ex could apply to the CSA and the agreement in respect of CM would be superseded by a CSA assessment. Also in England & Wales there is no law assets are shared 50:50, or at least it's an oversimplification of the law.

With divorce settlements equality means leaving both parties a similar financial footing rather than a mathematical 50:50 split. If there is a discrepancy in incomes the lower income spouse is unlikely to have the same mortgage raising capabilities as the higher income spouse and that might justify a larger share of assets in favour of the lower earning spouse. So it is a good idea to see a solicitor to find out where you stand and what options there are even if you then try to reach agreement between yourselves or with the help of a mediator. Then you can negotiate from an informed position.

[catkin14]

Thanks I have a solicitor and am seeing him wednesday.
I was going to try to get exH to be reasonable before I saw solicitor to see how much we could agree to without legal help.
But its a bit difficult as everytime we speak about it he gets upset and angry.
Its a shame because it should be very easy, we dont have anything complicated, but quite a bit having been together for so long.

[Noregrets78]

Definitely have a quick chat to solicitor first, if just to find out what range of possibilities might be 'fair'. Then you'll be armed with the facts before you start negotiating, you don't want to skimp on solicitor fees only to find out you've done yourself out of a fortune.