Advice regarding possible settlement in divorce

[left2cope]

Hi,
I am a new poster, and was just looking for a bit of advice.

A brief history:
My stbx left myself and our now two year old twins in nov 2011.
Since that time, he has not contributed a penny in CM, or towards the huge debts we had when he left. He has had no contact with the chidlren and has moved abroad. He has now got a job there but is not giving me any details.

The situation at present is as follows:
house worth 145000
interest only mortgage: 142900 joint.
so practically no equity.
unsecured loan 29,000 left to pay over 8 years. joint.
overdraft joint account 10000.

i also have a credit card which was at 10000 when he left, as i was on maternity leave. solely in my name but debt due to IVF treatment mainly by mutual consent, so maybe it can also be divided in half? i don't really know.

So lots of debt, no assets, i did make multiple offers to my STBX, the last of which was to transfer the house to me, and take half of the joint debt, i.e. 19000 and we could call it a day but he is not agreeing at all.

I am loathe to drag it through the courts but feel i have no option. Can anyone please advise as to whether i am being reasonable in my offer, as i work part time due to childcare costs being horrendous, and as a single parent am struggling every month, i cannot take any more debt than what i have offered him, but also do not want to accumulate solicitors fees for no assets, so not sure what to do? whether to make my offer better or let a court decide.
Any advice would be very gratefully received.
Thank you

[KRFamilyLawyer]

I am really sorry to hear about your current situation.
As regards the debts, can I suggest that you contact Step Change? They are a really good organisation that helps people in debt deal with their creditors. You can contact them on 0800 138 1111.
Were you married to your stbx?

[prh47bridge]

You will need to get a solicitor to draw up a consent order for you. It may seem like a waste of time and money at the moment but if, say, you win the lottery next year he may be able to make claim a share of your winnings unless a consent order is in place. The solicitor you appoint will be best placed to advise you regarding the settlement.

[ivykaty44]

are you in a position to downsize? Or take in a lodger to help pay the debts?

sorry no advice on settlement but would agree you need debt advice as he is not going to come back - but I wouldn't take it through courts as this will just add to the debts and he still may not pay....sorry

[left2cope]

Thank you KR FamilyLawyer i will look into them.

[left2cope]

prh47bridge,
I was under the impression that a consent order would only be valid if he agreed to sign, but i have received a letter in today's mail, from his solicitor who he has just appointed apparently, as he has stated he cannot trust me, (which i find ironic, to say the least) and wants to go through the court.
So i guess i have to go down that route now.

[left2cope]

ivykaty44

Thank you for replying,
it seems he has taken the decision for me, lets hope the courts can help me to try and sort this out.
Although just the thought of going to court is frightening me more than the debt.

[fengirl1]

Left - court will be fine but you do need a decent solicitor. I was taken to court by my xh to force a financial settlement (which actually didn't go the way he wanted - shame!) it took five hours of court time but ultimately was worth every penny as my dc's futures are as secure as they can be.

[left2cope]

thank you so much for replying, fengirl1.

good to know it can turn out ok. i hope his actions lead to a similar result.
All i want is some sort of security in my children's future, so i am not constantly worrying about when he turns up to create havoc with the finances again.

[ladymuckbeth]

left2cope - I don't have any advice to offer I'm afraid, but just wanted to say what an utter wanker of a husband! I have 3yr old twins and am going through a bitter divorce, so offer you my utmost sympathies. I hope you manage to sort it out to your utmost benefit.

[prh47bridge]

Yes, a consent order will only be made if you both agree the settlement. Unfortunately since he is refusing to agree the debts to be shared between you will be even higher due to legal costs.

[TantaTania]

That is awful left2cope. Your offer to stbx was reasonable and you will do as well or better in a court. Very likely the court will agree that all the debt is shared, regardless of what names it is in, and award the house to you and DCs. Assuming you were married? The good thing about him bringing it to court is he will have to disclose his current earnings and location and if he is in pretty much anywhere in Europe he will have to pay CM to you. So don't worry too much, things could be looking up now. Hopefully his claim of going to court is not just bluffing.

[left2cope]

ladymuckbeth,

I am sorry you are having to go through all this too. I used to wonder if i had stupid, gullible, idiot, written on my face.
Oh well, the past is over now, but bitter divorce here too.
Good luck with yours.

prh47bridge,

Not knowing much about the legal system, but could i not show the judge how many times i have tried to make offers, and sort it out of court to avoid further debts, and ask that the costs (which are going to be significant if everyone's experience is anything to go by) are to be paid by him, or am i being a dreamer?

TantaTania,
Thank you, i thought i was being reasonable but his response was always that i wasn't.
We were married for 8 years. I also funded him through a Masters and Phd like a dumb fool, but yes i agree, if he is forced to disclose any information it will hopefully help the settlement be fair. He isn't in Europe but is in a country where enforcement is possible. Although truthfully, i do not expect him to pay anything, as long as some of the debt is passed on to him, and the home is secure, i am happy. I will re-organise things, and try to pay it all off eventually. (although the twins may be in uni before i can )

[Collaborate]

One thing you must absolutely bear in mind is that the court, within divorce, doesn't have the power to divide debt between the parties. It can divide the assets and the debt between the parties in the sense that, net, each party has the same net assets. If all you've got his debt, however, there is not a great deal that the court can do. You need to really take some advice from a solicitor.

[left2cope]

Thank you collaborate,

If the debt cannot be divided but is in joint names, i am presuming i will be left with it all to pay as i doubt he will pay even if an order is made, but since neither of us have any assets, he cannot make a lump sum payment.

I did try repeatedly to get him to agree to making the child maintenance payments 20% for the twins, and something affordable to him every month towards paying off the debt, but he did not agree. Now we are having to go to court, so i am very apprehensive as to what the net result will be.

I don't want to be in the situation, where i am left to pay all the debt and also all the costs of legal action, as he decides to ignore whatever the court orders, and there is a limit to how far i can pursue this. Both cost and Time restrictions.

But I feel I have no other way forward to try and secure the home, and possibly some monney for the children.
He seems to think the price drop in the house value has not happened since we bought the house in 2007 at the peak, and despite numerous valuations by people he trusts, i am apparently distorting the figures. He has stated numerous times, he will sell the house from under the twins and I.

I am going to make an appointment today to speak to a solicitor, as i agree, i need to know what the best course of action is, and how i can try to sort this huge mess out. Seems i need to resign myself to a huge legal bill for very little gain.

[Collaborate]

Laways do a cost/benefit analysis. Costs orders are very rare in such proceedings, so you don't want to find yourself spending £10k on legal fees in order to get him to pay £12k towards debts.

Consider self repping but using solicitors for preparing paperwork and barristers for hearings.

[left2cope]

that is a very valid point, and i will discuss keeping costs down by doing as much as i can myself when i next meet the solicitor to instruct.

thank you for the advice.

[SoHHKB]

I know very little about finance or law but ime I was far less frightened of going to court once I found a solicitor who suited me. I tried 2 previously - the first scared the hell out of me by being totally militant and advising me to keep my daughter until xh brought police round, good for dd? i think not... The second was somewhat lacklustre but the third has so far listened well, actioned appropriately and helped me feel more confident about the whole process so i am happy for her to take my money
What i am trying to say is shop around until you feel comfortable with what you are paying for. Good luck

[left2cope]

babybarrister,

yes, enforcement is possible, but at what cost and can i actually spend that much more money and time on it.
I think he is counting on the fact that managing a job (albeit part time) and twins full time along with the home and car etc is more than full time anyway and i honestly don't have that much time or energy left over after all this.

SoHHKB
i absolutely agree, i had a solicitor to help with the divorce initially and she was brilliant with the divorce and really helped to keep costs down, but just refused to do anything about the finances side, and the fact that i could have to go bankrupt if it continued, lose the house and my job, just didn't seem to phase her at all.

So i had to think of not engaging her any further. Will have a detailed chat with the one i saw yesterday and hopefully if she seems eager to get it sorted asap and i seem to be able to get through to her, then i can continue. But thank you for the advice, i absolutely agree, you do need to be comfortable with what you are paying for.

[McKenzie13]

Hi left2cope,

You don't say which country your ex has moved to. This could be very relevant. You also don't say what job he does. This may also be relevant. I would contact CSA straight away. If your ex works abroad for a British company then the CSA may still intervene. This is also the case if he works for the army or another "perscribed body" like the Health Service. If he works in Europe then those countries have a reciprocal agreement with UK. They must enforce orders made by the CSA. If you have a court order for child maintenance you can try to get this enforced in a foreign country. You can also ask foreign authorities to create a court order for you.

In relation to your debts you are absolutely doing the right thing at the moment.

My concern is getting divorced which is something that you may feel you need to do right now. As he has technically deserted you may apply for a divorce on the grounds of desertion. He has to have "deserted" you for a period of no less than 2 years (you don't state what the date he left was but it sounds pretty recent?)

So all in all, there are things you can do. Your main priority are those twins.
Hope that helps.

[left2cope]

Hi McKenzie 13,

Apologies, he has moved to Pakistan.
I have since checked and there is an agreement for Reciprocal Enforcement.

He is a British National, and is a qualified engineer with a further masters and Phd which i paid for.
He does not unfortunately work for any of the agencies linked to the UK, but a private university i think. I have not given any further details as he has not given me any. Refused to in fact.
I did contact the CSA when he turned up unannounced to represent himself at the decree nisi hearing, but they said they were unable to follow as he had left the country again within 10 days. So will have to go through the court for that too.
As for divorce, i have already gone through that process, and have the Decree absolute going through this month.
It is now just the finances.
As for the twins, they are doing well, thankfully, and since he left when they were very young, they have no memory of him at present. But yes, all this hassle is worth it, if i can secure their future, even if it means sorting out the debt myself, as long as he is not connected to me anymore.
It may take years, but i am determined to do it.

[McKenzie13]

left2cope. I feel your frustration. Your only option is to contact Pakistan and see if they may be of assistance here. I am guessing not. The usual process (assuming you have details of where he is) is that you may take a court action out there. The practicalities of this are possibly a no-goer.

It is a shame that all the debts were in joint names. Have you contacted the mortgage company to see what they can do if you can't meet the mortgage repayments? If you sold what negative equity would there be, taking into account the secured charge?

[left2cope]

Mckenzie:
Yes, i agree. In my naivety i thought joint meant we were both liable, never thought he would run off and leave the country and therefore the severally liable bit would come into effect.
As for the mortgage, i am managing at the moment although with some family help, but am hoping once the finances are sorted out in some way by the court, i can speak to all the creditors and agree payment plans which i can afford with all my other outgoings.

Babybarrister:
The solicitor i spoke to, said the same.
She suggested getting whatever orders we could along with trying to get the house transferred to my sole name, and using possible child and spouse maintenance court orders and using REMO in Pakistan.
Having discussed it with some friends who have relatives in Pakistan, i have been advised it would be better this way, and if REMO is not forthcoming, to contact a court in Pakistan with the orders from the British court to have a local one upholding them and using local laws to enforce. Apparently there is a link to earnings law, similar to the one being used in the UK by the CSA.
But one step at a time.
I need to get the orders and the house transferred to start off with.
I have just started looking at Form E's and i think i need to start with filling it in.