11yr old and contact

[financialwizard]

My soon to be 12 year old is refusing contact with his Dad. His Dad thinks it is me putting words into his mouth and is threatening court.

What do I do?

Back story involves DV, and years of DC being let down.

[Collaborate]

Offer mediation. Some mediators will also speak to the child. Choose one of them.

[purplewithred]

What do you do about which bit? Dc refusing contact, or dh blaming you, or possibility of court? I would suggest ensure dc has unbiased person to go to for support, ignore dh blaming you and/or tell dh to take responsibility for his crap parenting, laugh at his protestations of court and record the facts as they really are in case he does get courts involved.

[MooseBeTimeForCoffee]

If it goes to court, one of the factors the court would consider is "the wishes and feelings of the child in light of their age and understanding". If you have a mature 11 year old who can articulate his feelings and reasons well then the Court will attach a lot of weight to that.

A mediator qualified to speak to children would be looking for the same information from the child.

[financialwizard]

Ok. Thanks.

[lovelytoes]

Im in the same situation but its not my sons bio father its his stepfather.i have stopped communicating with him after taking advice from womens aid as since my son refused to have contact with him anymore he has been sending me abusive txts letters which include threats to" pay me a visit" this has been going on for 6 months now and today i recieved a letter from his solicitor requesting he re-establishes contact evry other weekend fri to sun.my son is upset that this will mean he cannot attend his rugby training at weekends.it states in the letter that it will go to court if i dont respond.what the heck do i do? I cant afford a solicitor and dont know how to put in words a letter back to his solicitor.help!!!!

[lovelytoes]

I dont want my son to go to court and be put through all that as he is a happy boy and at the moment he is studying for his sats tests and preparing for high school.ifeel all this will have an effect on his emotional well being.